• You are currently viewing our forum as a guest, which gives you limited access to view most discussions and access our other features. By joining our free community, you will have access to additional post topics, communicate privately with other members (PM), view blogs, respond to polls, upload content, and access many other special features. Registration is fast, simple and absolutely free, so please join our community today! Just click here to register. You should turn your Ad Blocker off for this site or certain features may not work properly. If you have any problems with the registration process or your account login, please contact us by clicking here.

[NF] NF's What makes you loose empathy?

Abbey

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2012
Messages
166
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I think it's more an INFJ or ENFJ thing than just an NF thing, by the way. I mean, not in every case but overall. My experiences with xNFPs IRL suggest that in general they may take offense more easily but are also more inclined to forgive sooner or later. I don't take offense easily, but when it really happens, it's really serious and quite possibly irreversible.

But I'm not sure - that may have been the xNFPs I've known, the ones here would have to comment for themselves, of course!

I'd agree, I forgive people very quickly. It doesn't take long for me to see that
1) No one is perfect/people often have mean sides to them
2) They also have a good side
So even if I get mad at them, I can't help think that they're human and I'm also human
1) I can't judge them for being flawed
2) I can understand where they're coming from
 

Abbey

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2012
Messages
166
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
I'm not sure this response is in the spirit of the original post, but I can no longer watch horror/gore movies because it numbs me to pain, suffering, etc. for hours, sometimes days.

I really appreciate my sensitivity to things like that, and now that I'm older and a bit wiser I do my best to not participate in anything that may jeopardize my empathy.

Maybe horror movies take advantage of your empathy by making you empathize with the killer :)
 

Abbey

New member
Joined
Nov 12, 2012
Messages
166
MBTI Type
INFP
Enneagram
4w3
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
When all people do is victimize themselves it drives me insane. They are already feeling bad for themselves so I feel absolutely no need whatsoever to feel bad for them. But I still pretend like I do sometimes in a very passive-aggressive way.
 

Qoi

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2013
Messages
12
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Undeserved emotion. Like when you're watching a reality show and there's a contestant and they have some tragic history that's supposed to make us care for them regardless of actual talent. Everyone has things they go through in life and to exploit that for personal gain is just boring and trite.

TV shows are just as bad with this. Take the later seasons of Glee (2 and 3 before I gave up watching): They would introduce an idea and then preach instead of letting people decide on their own. I get wanting people to think a certain way, but there's ways of doing it where you should just feel it and not be told how to feel. It's just bad storytelling and it leaves me cold.

Maybe I'm a bit jaded with the world, but I just really don't appreciate ideas that don't have any thought behind them.
 

Amargith

Hotel California
Joined
Nov 5, 2008
Messages
14,717
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
4dw
Instinctual Variant
sx/so
Very little. And when it does happen, it is usually temporary and an indication i was unable to distance myself emotionally in time. Which is something i try to rectify immediately.

One thing though: just because i empathise with you, does NOT mean I will ever TRUST you (again).

To regain that takes significant bridge building from both sides. And even then.
 

RoadPaveMent

New member
Joined
Jul 23, 2011
Messages
78
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
612
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
Undeserved emotion. Like when you're watching a reality show and there's a contestant and they have some tragic history that's supposed to make us care for them regardless of actual talent. Everyone has things they go through in life and to exploit that for personal gain is just boring and trite.

:D Same. Guilt-tripping just makes me cynical and apathetic.
 

Qoi

New member
Joined
Mar 21, 2013
Messages
12
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
6w5
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
:D Same. Guilt-tripping just makes me cynical and apathetic.

Yar. I'm actually okay with it if I can understand where they're coming from and they clearly need support to carry on, but when it's just used as business it can annoy me to no end. :shrug:
 

Froody Blue Gem

Necromancing Scapelamb
Joined
Dec 19, 2018
Messages
1,141
MBTI Type
INTP
Enneagram
954
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I would say if someone proves themselves to be beyond the point of no return, or acts with malicious intent. I still try to see good in them but there's a point where I just can't feel sorry for people like that. Then I have a hard time feeling sorry for them. Another thing is when people act nice one minute but turn around and act mean, I don't feel so much empathy for people who are two-faced. There is a special kind of lack of pity I have for people like this.

I am not so empathetic on a lack of sleep or when under a lot of stress. When people push my buttons, insult me, or make assumptions, there is a point where I stop feeling empathy for that person. When people constantly ramble on about their problems and always make things all about them, there is a point where I stop feeling sorry for them.
 
Joined
Jun 25, 2014
Messages
1,447
MBTI Type
*NF*
Enneagram
852
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Manipulation. Lies. Complains and victimisation. Negativity. People who don't trust me or want to control others.
 

Abcdenfp

Terpsichore
Joined
May 19, 2017
Messages
1,669
MBTI Type
ENFP
Enneagram
7W8
When I feel like someone has taken advantage of my kind nature/compassion
During karma justice sentencing.. I just watch that shit unfold.
if I have witnessed the person be cruel to someone else

i can be a cold hearted bitch empathy will go right out the window.
 

Lark

Active member
Joined
Jun 21, 2009
Messages
29,569
People persisting in error, authoritarianism, there's other things but those are the main two, just make me want to occupy my time some other way than with those people.

Sympathy is easier and more commonplace than empathy.
 

Zhaylin

New member
Joined
Jan 2, 2019
Messages
468
MBTI Type
ISTJ
Enneagram
952
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I have intensely disliked 2 people my whole life, but my empathy never evaporated.
I chronically make excuses for people: They're just having a bad day, or past, or life in general. Maybe they're hungry or sick or suffering some other way.
For me, empathy and sympathy go hand in hand. I can't imagine one without the other, though I guess, I feel less sympathy for people who are habitually at the end of their rope. They can still tug at my heart-strings, as it were, even if I also feel annoyed and at a loss regarding how I could possibly help.

I give objects emotions though. I have a hard time throwing things out because 'how would I feel if I was discarded like that.' As a kid, I cried inconsolably, when my mom threw out toys or even clothes. 'You did that!' I told myself when I was all of about 5 years old and decided to paint a neighbors shed. 'You killed your shirt!'
Perhaps I'm just a lost cause rofl.

Actually, I take some of that back. My daughter is in the kitchen putting on a huge show because a bug fell or flew on her. She's laying on the drama extra thick with cries and shouts and squeals. I will temporarily lose empathy for highly emotional people. Especially if I feel they're not being genuine or are exaggerating an event. I don't handle loud noises or extreme emotional displays very well. It's not that I no longer feel anything for the person suffering, I just feel too much, so I react with anger and then shut down.
 

Earl Grey

Well-known member
Joined
Dec 3, 2017
Messages
4,910
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
583
Instinctual Variant
sp/so
I have no idea how empathetic I actually am, I'm more familiar with a more active action-based compassion, or respect and common courtesy. If we're talking about empathy simply as a feeling, I don't think I'm all that empathetic.
 

gllg

New member
Joined
Mar 30, 2019
Messages
7
MBTI Type
ENFP
When I feel like someone has taken advantage of my kind nature/compassion
During karma justice sentencing.. I just watch that shit unfold.
if I have witnessed the person be cruel to someone else

i can be a cold hearted bitch empathy will go right out the window.

I can very much relate to that.

I try to help everyone, but if someone pushes their boundaries and takes advantage of my good intentions believing that I'm a pushover, any respect I would have of that person would quickly evaporate. I believe to be a very patient and understanding person, but once that line is crossed, there is no coming back.
 

Frosty

Poking the poodle
Joined
Apr 6, 2015
Messages
12,667
Instinctual Variant
sp
If they refuse to try I get frustrated after a while. Also if they refuse to admit that they might be wrong/blame others for their mistakes. And if they constantly play the victim in a learned helplessness sort of way. You have to make your own good luck- if things are going bad for you only YOU can make them better- even if its scary in my opinion you always owe it to yourself to try, no matter how hard or unfair things are. If you dont try then you shouldnt expect to succeed.

Now. I do have empathy for confused people. No one should just be expected to be able to fix all of their problems just on the drop of a hat. Things arent that simple and sometimes, especially at first, self pity can set in I think. But if you let that sit too long self hatred I also think starts setting in too. And that just makes things harder
.
I honestly have empathy for almost everyone struggling because- its hard and confusing and scary- but I do get frustrated when I see someone being their own worst enemy and not... really really doing all they can to get tjemself oit of that scary place. Its like watching someone repeatedly touch a hot stove and when you tell them what they need to do to stop they make up reasons why they cant. Its just upsetting to watch, but I do understand that its even harder to experience. Which makes me even sadder
 

neko 4

New member
Joined
Apr 13, 2017
Messages
437
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
4w5
Instinctual Variant
sp
Although I've scored repeatedly as an INFJ on MBTI tests, I'm not the most empathetic person. I can feel sympathy but I'm not the most compassionate. Lots of things make me lose empathy such as hypocrisy and unfair judgment.
 

Mind Maverick

ENTP 8w7 845 Sp/Sx
Joined
Jan 17, 2018
Messages
4,785
I don't consider myself particularly empathetic, yet I also don't think I'm as cold as most people.
 

jbkays

New member
Joined
Mar 12, 2019
Messages
8
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
6
This happens to me as well. I am a social worker and I work with survivors of domestic violence. This entails advocating for my clients in court and assisting them end an abusive relationship and live safely. I am a huge empath - as one needs to be to work in my field. I find that I have no empathy for my client's abusive partners. Though I recognize that these people typically have a trauma history that leads to their harmful behavior, I am unable to empathize with them.
 
Top