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Thread: NF's What makes you loose empathy?

  1. #11


    basically being an asshole AND trying to screw others over or just being plain stupid (repeatedly making willful choices to put themselves in a tough spot). Other than that, I usually have at least a little empathy for most people (even still, I do have empathy for some assholes... oh dear).

  2. #12
    FRACTALICIOUS Array phobik's Avatar
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    Apr 2009


    I'm not NF, but for me realizing I've been lied to/manipulated, or that someone is trying to, causes complete emotional detachment.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
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  3. #13
    Senior Member Array iNtrovert's Avatar
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    Nov 2012
    4w5 sp/so


    Quote Originally Posted by Saturned View Post
    *prays to the NF gods that this thread doesn't descend into the depths of the Mariana Trench and reemerge as the mighty Kraken of Doorslamming*

    In regards to the list in the OP, I sort of think that these are things anyone would lose their empathy over. Maybe for certain types it is more tied to the lengths to which they will go to keep their empathy.
    yea I could see that. Certain types threshold and tolerance for generally unacceptable behavior could change their view of justifiable empathy or empathy as a whole. It might even come down to the weight of forming interpersonal relationships vs the weight of self importance. I mean self importance in the sense that if a person is more inclined to see the world from deeply rooted personal values what would their threshold or tolerance be for an individual who violates what they hold as personal morals continuously? That ideal pitted against how much they value their relationships with others and how deeply those morals are felt or how attached a person is to them could be the determinant as well.

  4. #14


    When the other person won't take a shred of personal responsibility for their situation.

    Simply being receptive to information from the outside world is enough.

  5. #15
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    Oct 2012


    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I think it's more an INFJ or ENFJ thing than just an NF thing, by the way. I mean, not in every case but overall. My experiences with xNFPs IRL suggest that in general they may take offense more easily but are also more inclined to forgive sooner or later. I don't take offense easily, but when it really happens, it's really serious and quite possibly irreversible.
    Yes I have two confirmed INFJ's in my family (big family), and they stay angry for a while if you upset them.

    though I wouldn't say they don't take offence easily, just that their boundaries are predictable, so if you know them, it's "easy not to offend them". But I know I could easily offend them just by disrespecting a particular principle of theirs.

    NFP's are more unpredictable, more "feeling of the moment"...more explosive but they don't "doorslam" you.

  6. #16
    philosopher wood nymph Array greenfairy's Avatar
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    May 2012
    6w5 sx/sp


    Yes to nearly all of the above (in the opening post). For me it's more of a sudden thing; I'll get angry with someone and completely not care about their feelings anymore. I'll still empathize, but not sympathize. And I don't feel bad about it because it's what they deserve. I'm a very accommodating person and if someone pushes me that far it's their problem.

    6w5, 4w3, 1w9 (probably)

  7. #17
    Senior Member Array Wolfie's Avatar
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    Jul 2012
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    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post

    1. When I'm not being listened to.
    2. when I feel like I'm being taken advantage of.
    3. When the person is not considering the feelings of other people around them.
    4. When I feel that person has been given every possible resource to succeed and chose not to take advantage of them.
    5. When that person is being ignorant.
    6.When I lose respect for someone.
    7.When I have been personally wronged.
    8.When that person has wronged someone close to me.
    Pretty much exactly the same for me. I would add: When someone is unwilling to help themselves.
    ( . )( . )

  8. #18
    movin melodies Array kiddykat's Avatar
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    Jul 2008
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    I've always thought the opposite of empathy is apathy, not caring or understanding from another's view point.

    I find as much as I dislike someone, I can't help but to make decisions I feel are fair and equal in the most trying times (i.e., helping out a racist when you know they've mistreated your loved ones, but you still help them out just cus you can understand from their lens what kind of upbringing they've been brought up with).

    In a sense, I don't want to stoop to a level of ignorance that makes me just as bad as the person I judge because of the way I'm mistreated. Believe me, I can get pretty pissed off and really dislike someone, but you can't let that person make you become less of yourself, because then you're also allowing them to change who you are.

    Compassion fatigue happens. Best to keep in check before it starts to destroy or jade who you truly are inside- which is most likely happy and free when you're listening more to your heart and not clamming up with pent up guilt or remorse. Judging your enemy and behaving on it makes you slowly become those you vehemently dislike?

  9. #19
    Starcrossed Seafarer Array Aquarelle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by bologna View Post
    When the other person won't take a shred of personal responsibility for their situation.
    Quote Originally Posted by iNtrovert View Post
    3. When the person is not considering the feelings of other people around them.
    4. When I feel that person has been given every possible resource to succeed and chose not to take advantage of them.
    5. When that person is being ignorant.
    Quote Originally Posted by Chanaynay View Post
    I agree with these! Here's my own list (excluding the ones you already listed):

    2. When the person cannot see another's point of view (kind of goes with ignorance).
    4. When the person just outright rejects what I have to say/what others have to say.
    5. When the person forces their opinions and beliefs onto others.
    6. When the person refuses to accept changes to a plan/idea.

    I would add, when the person refuses to try to see the big picture.
    When the person seems to think everyone around them is out to get them and won't consider any benign motivation on the part of others.
    Masquerading as a normal person day after day is exhausting.

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  10. #20
    Emperor/Dictator Array kyuuei's Avatar
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    Aug 2008


    The list is pretty standard.. if you cannot respect something going on in their lives, it is very hard to empathize with them.

    My classic example: One of my recent dates had mentioned when we first met that his wife had cheated on him while he was deployed. Fast forward after his divorce and our few dates over the course of a month, and he messages me saying he cannot really date me because we live too far away (3 hours drive). The first thing I thought in my head was, "How can you expect that woman you married and set a standard for to comply with a completely different standard that you cannot even uphold yourself?" I found it impossible to empathize for his sorry ass having to pay for a divorce after that, even though the two situations were remarkably unrelated.. it was emotional, not really logical, and I appreciated him being honest with me instead of wasting my time, but the thought was triggered nonetheless.

    It really is a self preservation sort of thing. I can't empathize with everyone--so I set some quasi standard on it all. I want to be really caring, and considerate, but the reality is I'm not nearly as empathetic as I feel like I ought to be. There really are very few people that have my unconditional love despite how pathetically fast I can become loyal to people.

    The biggest thing, though, that degrades my empathy for a person though is whining. Continuous whining wears on my gears faster than any other condition--and even if the whining is valid, the negative tones and the focus on the negative aspects of things just turns me off of the person so much I don't even want to interact with them.

    My classic example of that: My friend, whom I was much closer to when I first met him than I am currently, I was always really hyper to see him. I'd hug him, tell him he's amazing, and I think a part of that was how different he was which peaked my curiosity. He doesn't get a lot of interaction with females, being a stereotypical doormat-geek and all. While he got drunk one time, while we were piled up into a taxi with a lot of other people, he had attempted to grab my boob. I punched him, my typical reaction to that sort of thing, and called it even, but in my head I immediately thought, "Oh shit! I'd no idea he was attracted to me.. I think I was giving him wrong signals instead of brotherly affection. " He was really upset about it, and apologized immediately upon coherence, and I accepted. Naturally, though, I adjusted my behavior to accommodate that, an easy fix. But then he started to WHINE ABOUT IT. "Do you even like me? You used to tell me I was amazing.. now you pick on me with the other guys." He started to notice how much like another dude I really acted towards him when I took out the girly sisterly elements, and COMPLAINED about it.
    Finally, I told the guy why I adjusted my behavior, and he understood, but I really stopped being empathetic towards his lack of date/girlfriend after that. Why would I want to date someone so damn whiny every time a condition or behavior changed? How annoying.. The two situations, again, have really nothing to do with each other, but the connection was made sooo easily.
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