Just want to get some thoughts from the NF's horses mouths. This - what I see as emotional dishonesty from NFs in my life - is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.
ENFP I am close to has the serious hots for a woman. This woman is friends with him but enjoys various short-lived, mostly sexual relationships with men (she's single). My ENFP friend constantly talks about being "happy" for her and says things like "well I'm glad she's having a good time" and "she should be out having fun, she's young!" etc. I don't have an issue with the sentiments, it's just that they're clearly not true. When asked if he feels any sexual jealousy he says no. Now, first of all, he does feel sexual jealousy, it really could not be anymore obvious and, second of all, it's not like I judge him for this in any way. Who WOULDN'T feel sexual jealousy in that situation? I certainly would. A few days ago I engaged him in convo on this topic and he ended up reluctantly admitting that yes, he was jealous, and it clearly made him uncomfortable to admit, he even seemed slightly ashamed.
I am the only ENTJ in a family of INFPs (2) and INFJs (2). Both types, but especially the INFPs, are in the business of flat-out denying that a situation involves emotion (especially what they perceive as negative emotion - anger etc.) - the classic sweeping under the rug/denial tactic. That is how both INFPs solve interpersonal problems. Don't talk about it until it blows over, then act like it never happened. This is the exact opposite of my instinct, which is to immediately get everything out there, verbally, and talk it out honestly, even if the honesty may be difficult. I am compelled to do this when conflict arises and none of my family members react well to it, AT ALL. The INFPs pretty much perceive it, as far as I can see, as an attack and both think of me badly for it, both think I do it because I love conflict and not because I am trying to resolve a situation the only way I know how (which is true, it is not in any way about loving conflict with family members). Both react very emotionally with extreme defensiveness and, if I push it (which I generally don't because I know what the outcome will be), extreme anger.
Now, wtf is going on here? Where is this emotional intelligence I hear so much about? Are these just unhealthy INFPs? Someone explain to me what's going on in their heads, because it frustrates the hell out of me to be thought of as the aggressive, confrontational 'bad guy' when as I see it I should be getting at least SOME credit for trying to actually, you know, do something about what are sometimes pretty serious emotional conflicts.
And aside from getting any credit, which isn't what this is about, it just...it is very frustrating, I suspect for all of us. Communication is close to nil. I generally don't even bother anymore because I know it'll end in tears, and they just prefer to pretend nothing's up.
Please, tell me what the hell is going on here. With the ENFP, too. Why are these NF types seeming to have so much trouble expressing their honest emotions? How am I misreading this, if I am? How can I make comms easier with the INFXs in my family?