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  1. #11
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    I hate conflict and generally only engage in it irl as a last resort. Oftentimes, I know that my feelings are temporary or that they are not the other person's problem nor are they anyone's business but my own. I am not obligated to share my thoughts or express my feelings. Unless I'm venting or very overwrought, I only do so if I feel it is constructive in some way. To me, negative feelings are kind of like underwear: they aren't supposed to be showing under normal circumstances.
    This almost exactly for me too.
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  2. #12
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    They don't want other people dictating what emotions they are feeling because chances are, they already know (and the other person may be completely off-base) so they tend to keep to it themselves or downplay it.

  3. #13
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    I really doubt you could generalise that much about NFs though. To me this has more to do with IxxJ and ExxP differences, for example. (or at least xxFP and xxFJ)
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  4. #14
    Glycerine
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    I was talking more about INFPs (and to some extent, ENFPs), oops.

    I guess, possibility of conflict would be more my reason.

  5. #15
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    Oh, sorry @Glycerine I actually didn't mean my above post to refer to what you'd just said! It was more to do with the OP referring to "NFs".
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  6. #16
    Glycerine
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    It still gave me a chance to clarify, lol

  7. #17
    WALMART
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    Yes, I'm pretty positive in my ISTP typing and I suppress emotions like no one's business.

  8. #18
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    Quote Originally Posted by jontherobot View Post
    Ah, I was mostly speaking about his/her family, but I see your point.


    Yes, six intuits. I'm really just nitpicking your understanding of people and their motives, ladymish.
    Yes, I noticed what your point is, so I corrected you to add to your point.
    Great men are like eagles, and build their nest on some lofty solitude.

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  9. #19
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    I also find the presence of five intuits to zero sensors highly suspicious in your ability to type.
    I didn't type these people myself - my brother got me into this and he gave everyone the quiz thingie in our family. ENFP friend just knows what type he is because he did some exercise at a work getaway that involved Myers Briggs. I don't know enough about MBTI, at all, to start making assumptions about other people's types.

    As for the responses...OK. I mean, with both INFPs, once it's been swept under the rug and a few days have passed they DO seem genuinely OK with things, not like they are still harbouring some underground anger etc. It's just that that to me is totally unsatisfactory (to me, I'm not making objective statements god I feel defensive being an ENTJ in the NF section ) - these conflicts continually arise in our family, almost always the same background issues, wouldn't it be better to try and actually work it out rather than letting it happen over and over? These conflicts really upset me and everyone involved, I don't understand why they aren't willing to help do their part to try and resolve it. Or resolve some of it. or at least clear up misunderstandings (of which I assume there are many because humans = complex).

    Re: telling people what they feel. I don't do that. I *hate* having that done to me and I try my very best not to do it. The thing is, it's murky. I have literally had my sister screaming in my face, calling me names, followed by "IM NOT ANGRY!!!" Um, OK there. Everything about you at this moment says anger to me but if you say so... Again, accomplished? Nothing.

    What I don't like is being the 'bad guy'. I'm not the bad guy. We all have our own ways of dealing, and by default in our family, theirs prevails simply through strength of numbers. I'm not evil because my way is different. I just don't get it. Not at all. Why not try to make a situation that is causing everyone pain, better?

    Edit: As for my ENFP friend, why no, I had not considered the possibility he was just trying to shut my prying ass up. Not at all. I defer to your opinion on this and wish to subscribe to your pulled-put-of-my-butt newsletter.

    Edit Part The Deux: In regards to `honesty`- basically, if you`re angry and you claim not to be (or happy, or jealous, or sad etc.) than that is dishonest. I do consider it as much.

  10. #20
    Anew Leaf
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    Quote Originally Posted by ladymish View Post
    Just want to get some thoughts from the NF's horses mouths. This - what I see as emotional dishonesty from NFs in my life - is something I've been thinking about a lot lately.

    Illustrative events:

    ENFP I am close to has the serious hots for a woman. This woman is friends with him but enjoys various short-lived, mostly sexual relationships with men (she's single). My ENFP friend constantly talks about being "happy" for her and says things like "well I'm glad she's having a good time" and "she should be out having fun, she's young!" etc. I don't have an issue with the sentiments, it's just that they're clearly not true. When asked if he feels any sexual jealousy he says no. Now, first of all, he does feel sexual jealousy, it really could not be anymore obvious and, second of all, it's not like I judge him for this in any way. Who WOULDN'T feel sexual jealousy in that situation? I certainly would. A few days ago I engaged him in convo on this topic and he ended up reluctantly admitting that yes, he was jealous, and it clearly made him uncomfortable to admit, he even seemed slightly ashamed.

    I am the only ENTJ in a family of INFPs (2) and INFJs (2). Both types, but especially the INFPs, are in the business of flat-out denying that a situation involves emotion (especially what they perceive as negative emotion - anger etc.) - the classic sweeping under the rug/denial tactic. That is how both INFPs solve interpersonal problems. Don't talk about it until it blows over, then act like it never happened. This is the exact opposite of my instinct, which is to immediately get everything out there, verbally, and talk it out honestly, even if the honesty may be difficult. I am compelled to do this when conflict arises and none of my family members react well to it, AT ALL. The INFPs pretty much perceive it, as far as I can see, as an attack and both think of me badly for it, both think I do it because I love conflict and not because I am trying to resolve a situation the only way I know how (which is true, it is not in any way about loving conflict with family members). Both react very emotionally with extreme defensiveness and, if I push it (which I generally don't because I know what the outcome will be), extreme anger.

    Now, wtf is going on here? Where is this emotional intelligence I hear so much about? Are these just unhealthy INFPs? Someone explain to me what's going on in their heads, because it frustrates the hell out of me to be thought of as the aggressive, confrontational 'bad guy' when as I see it I should be getting at least SOME credit for trying to actually, you know, do something about what are sometimes pretty serious emotional conflicts.

    And aside from getting any credit, which isn't what this is about, it just...it is very frustrating, I suspect for all of us. Communication is close to nil. I generally don't even bother anymore because I know it'll end in tears, and they just prefer to pretend nothing's up.

    Please, tell me what the hell is going on here. With the ENFP, too. Why are these NF types seeming to have so much trouble expressing their honest emotions? How am I misreading this, if I am? How can I make comms easier with the INFXs in my family?

    AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRGH!!! Ahem.
    I suspect it's a combination of:

    1. Te-doms versus Fi-doms/aux
    2. How you come off to them.
    3. The historical/established pattern of your interactions with your family.
    4. Age of those involved here.

    I can expand on these if you comment on the above so I have more data to help.

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