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Thread: A bit confused

  1. #1
    Junior Member sunnyraining's Avatar
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    Default A bit confused

    I'm not exactly sure where I'm meant to be writing or posting this (under the blogs or the personal threads) but I'll post this once and maybe someone can clarify.

    The late night (post-study, pre-sleep hours/restless mind due to a coffee-induced haze) has once again sent me into a reflective state. And it's given me some courage to post something...

    I've never really understood exactly why people blogged. To me it seems a bit self-centred ... I mean shouldn't personal thoughts be just that - personal? Or does it come down to that thought that people keep diaries because deep down secretly, they want another soul to read it?

    But in my little ponderings I've come to a realisation that writing down things, no matter the audience (even if it's just an imaginary friend), no matter the subject, can be a form of therapy of a sorts. And so it is with this thinking that I write - to face down the monster that is upon my back, the monster whose name is Self-consciousness and Fear, whose influence is even stronger than the courage given by anonymity.

    Another thought comes to me however - one that is more frightening and at the same time comforting. How much of this so-called monster has defined who I am and my path through life so far and how much of that am I happy with? Could it be called a monster then? My thoughts meander to a film I once saw about a young timid creature who had a beautiful voice but could only sing when noone was watching (I think it was called Little Voice).

    What if that monster were banished forever? Would those "sufferers" be who they were if not beset by it? Would they still shine as brightly in the day surrounded by people as when they were in the darkness with nobody watching? And yet another meandering thought drifts across my mind - that of a poem of the swan who spends her life in silence but in death finally sings her first and last note. Should we be content and humble in our life or blaze out, creating our mark upon it? Would it be like an erupting volcano, short lived but noticed by all or like an ancient tree, long lived but noticed by few, both essential as the other?

    I have presented questions and thoughts but no answers, for at the moment I have none - my mind is turbulent with conflicts.

  2. #2
    Senior Member Kurt.Is.God's Avatar
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    yaaaaay!
    (uhm............... am i supposed to be commenting? perhaps this place was an outlet for your mind until I came along... aaaaa!)

    But it feels so good to write something down, doesn't it?
    However self-centered it may be, i think it really, really, really does feel amazing to just let it out...

  3. #3
    the Dark Prophet of Kualu
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    Default My reply.

    I'm going to reply to reveal my empirical data.
    I have once lived like the tree and found it most satisfying.
    I now life as the volcano, erupting pieces of hot matter and dark clouds.

    My little monster or admirer, defines me as I define myself. I am but one with my fear as I created it for myself. No one else did. If I cannot subdue it, who can? And more importantly, who might do it for me? I've come to realize that no one but me can and no one but me will. If I wish to live a life that I actually appreciate then I have to and so I find myself doing, a little at a time.

    I have been free once and I lost it in a haze; now that I am on track again there's nothing but good surprices in the long-run. I need to feel. And to be able to feel, I need to act myself out. Be myself. Not the ideal but the ME inside.

    I do not know how you came to these contemplations, my life is readily different from yours and somehow almost as similar as if we were one. Not that I know you or the like but as human beings. We probably share a set pair of eyes, feet to walk on and a mind to bear even the most horrifying things.

    I can only speak for myself. I think this is one of the important insights one must cover for oneself. (Sorry, I kind of got into a role when you spoke so darkly and yet so bright about life. Formal poetic writing-ish. As if anyone really could understand life if only spoken in clinical terms.)

  4. #4

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    Quote Originally Posted by sunnyraining View Post
    I'm not exactly sure where I'm meant to be writing or posting this (under the blogs or the personal threads) but I'll post this once and maybe someone can clarify.

    The late night (post-study, pre-sleep hours/restless mind due to a coffee-induced haze) has once again sent me into a reflective state. And it's given me some courage to post something...

    I've never really understood exactly why people blogged. To me it seems a bit self-centred ... I mean shouldn't personal thoughts be just that - personal? Or does it come down to that thought that people keep diaries because deep down secretly, they want another soul to read it?

    But in my little ponderings I've come to a realisation that writing down things, no matter the audience (even if it's just an imaginary friend), no matter the subject, can be a form of therapy of a sorts. And so it is with this thinking that I write - to face down the monster that is upon my back, the monster whose name is Self-consciousness and Fear, whose influence is even stronger than the courage given by anonymity.

    Another thought comes to me however - one that is more frightening and at the same time comforting. How much of this so-called monster has defined who I am and my path through life so far and how much of that am I happy with? Could it be called a monster then? My thoughts meander to a film I once saw about a young timid creature who had a beautiful voice but could only sing when noone was watching (I think it was called Little Voice).

    What if that monster were banished forever? Would those "sufferers" be who they were if not beset by it? Would they still shine as brightly in the day surrounded by people as when they were in the darkness with nobody watching? And yet another meandering thought drifts across my mind - that of a poem of the swan who spends her life in silence but in death finally sings her first and last note. Should we be content and humble in our life or blaze out, creating our mark upon it? Would it be like an erupting volcano, short lived but noticed by all or like an ancient tree, long lived but noticed by few, both essential as the other?

    I have presented questions and thoughts but no answers, for at the moment I have none - my mind is turbulent with conflicts.
    I have no answers. BUT JFC you are an INFJ.
    "The purpose of life is to be defeated by greater and greater things." - Rainer Maria Rilke

  5. #5
    your resident asshole
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    I know that I've decided to start a blog because I need to get my thoughts out there. I rarely talk to anyone in real life about my feelings and sometimes I just get overwhelmed. Of course, I always forget what I'm going to say when I write things like that, hence why I've never kept a blog or diary before. And I also agree with you with blogging/diaries being somewhat of self-therapy.

  6. #6
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Whoa, big time thread necro.

    I couldn't start a blog, because I really can't think of why anyone would want to read what I think.



  7. #7
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie View Post
    Whoa, big time thread necro.

    I couldn't start a blog, because I really can't think of why anyone would want to read what I think.
    Pfft. Don't worry about that. I highly doubt anyone is going to look at my blog either. Just do it for yourself and not for anyone else.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by JocktheMotie
    I couldn't start a blog, because I really can't think of why anyone would want to read what I think.
    Nobody cares to read, it's a shame. But they might like to see what you post in the form of pics. Can you think of why anyone would want to see what you expose show?

  9. #9
    Habitual Fi LineStepper JocktheMotie's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by zarc View Post
    Nobody cares to read, it's a shame. But they might like to see what you post in the form of pics. Can you think of why anyone would want to see what you expose show?
    Hmm, that might work. Though I'm not very photogenic, I'll sneak some gf pics in there to keep the viewership up! Haha.



  10. #10
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    That's right. Just gotta play to your smarts. Clearly you know what you must do.

    Ha. Ah...but using your gf as bait. Tsk. You'd do better to cater to the vastly larger female audience. 'Sides, I read somewhere she's ETJ? I'd imagine she'd scrape your skins off. Get some protection first if you dare..

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