Preamble for Fi or Ne types ... I woke from a dream in the middle of the night last night and I saw with a clarity the differences between our outer and inner worlds. Like many of my middle of the night revelations, it was clear as a bell when I thought the thoughts in the moment. This morning, it's more like a remembered symphony but still I want to try to share it. And @Z Buck McFate & @cascadeco have said some stuff like this in the past, but something really struck me last night ...
Now, I've got a deadline here in terms of writing this. So, it will be narrative, might be less structured and I request tolerance of that, apologizing in advance.
Before I went to bed, I had written out the following post but not posted it:
The best metaphor I can come up with is the sense that I am always getting my head dunked under water in the outer world.
Someone says, "Did you do that errand?" The sense I get from that for a second is total confusion, being startled. Not unlike that feeling you get when you suddenly find your head dunked under water. So I splash back up to the surface, manage to collect my thoughts enough to ask "Did I do what?" "You know, you said you would do X this week."
Someone else asks says, "Why did you do that?" Again ... for a few seconds it's *splash* a head dunk, I splutter back up and say, "What do you mean, what was wrong about it?" It's hard to sort out what the real question is ... and Fi doms can be very bad at hearing criticism where it's not intended.
It's a vantage point, it's a position, and I take total ownership of my reaction, and I know I'm the only person who can depersonalize from those questions. But for the first few seconds ... the reaction is so ingrained, it's a challenge to not get the head-dunk feeling ...
I just wish I wouldn't get head-dunked in the first place! No matter how much I ask not to be, it's especially hard for a Je dom or aux to not do it, it's like it just busts out of you guys! You don't realize the kind of impact it has.
And it feels dangerous too sometimes, like I'm getting my head held under water just a little longer than is tolerable ...
Maybe INFJ's feel like they're getting head-dunked in the inner world, when INFP's focus on wanting the information we find pertinent ...
And perhaps you feel the same way about the inner world as I do about the outer world.
I'm not a tidy person. I am comfortable with piles of paper on my desk, messiness in general. Oh sure, I will clean it up, for a few reasons: 1.) because messiness in the outer world stresses my husband 2.) things run more smoothly when everything is in place or 3.) sometimes outer messiness adds to inner messiness and symbolically, cleaning the outer messiness helps tidy the inner world.
Where I can't tolerate messiness is in my inner world. My inner work, with all of the emotions I feel, all of that processing every day, is tantamount to cleaning house every single day. I know that the majority of folks do not keep a tidy inner house, far from it. Some people VERY far from it. So when I work so hard to keep the inner house clean so my inner messiness does not spill out into the outer world (like most people's do) I can feel frustrated when everyone else is far more interested in keeping the outer world tidy, just a veneer of structure with chaos underneath. But I feel that's what the INFJ's are more tolerable of - that the inner world can be messy as long as the outer world is in order. To me, when the inner world is tidy, so is the outer world, at least more so, since it is messy, chaotic - uncontrollable. I can tolerate a lot of outer world messiness since I have no expectation it should be a certain way. But messing with my inner world - throwing a pile of my well-organized papers in the air, not so nice.
So, for INFJ's protocols are important, social graces are important, because they keep the outer world managed ... chaos can't just pop up wherever.
I manage my inner world like you manage the outer. The reliability & continuity of the outer world brings you security, minimizes your mixed messages, brings order to your inner world I think. I was noting how @Tiltyred looked at each of my posts, looking for what each one was saying, trying to manage that outer world info ... assign a motivation to it all, add a message to it all.
Z Buck talked about throwing furniture around the room. That happens for me when intention is misread, when motivation is misread, when grand stories to explain something are created, when inferences are made ... I look to how I feel about all the inner world stuff, what emotions I sense from each person, contemplate word choices, assess sincerity of expression ... all that stuff. The outer world stuff is just messy and I can deal with the fractal nature of it not seeming to make sense.
Eh, like most dreams trying to express it all here in the morning, in this post is difficult. Pick out any stuff that jumps out as relevant or resonant.