Being painfully honest, PB, I see you as desperately wanting to be liked. I feel you wanting attention and approval more than anything. I feel that a lot with INFP -- that it wants approval more than anything else. Ok -- taking that a step further, and I'm walking on thin ice, I know, but wth, I can swim -- needing approval a priori puts you one down. Do you see that? If you're waiting for me to see you as equal, you've already put yourself one down to me.
Please do understand that I bet if we met each other in real life, we would like each other and get along fine -- just talking about my impression/reaction here in writing on this particular subject, and with zero intent to be hurtful.
Also -- again, I'm cringing because this is brutally honest -- I'm not in the least interested in seeing things as you do. It's not adaptive for me. Just as you find my process objectionable and not adaptive for you -- you prefer your own process. Edit to add: Yes, I know I am right for me. For my own purposes, I am guided by my own light, and I have to stick by that. If you know you are right for you, then we're ok, as long as we don't piss each other off or hurt each other's feelings too drastically. I respect your right to see it however you see it. Sometimes you ask process questions, though, and instead of it being about the process, i.e., where did I go wrong, it seems like you don't really want to hear where you went wrong. You want to hear where you were misjudged in your intent. Or where you understandably didn't adequately process the information that was given to you. Or, in general, that you are ok. That's a different question than "What did i do wrong?" Your question (it seems to me) turns out to actually be "Why did I not experience validation?" So maybe that's the lesson for INFJ -- you people basically see us as not very nice. To the extent we care (and I don't mean that to be flippant, I mean only to be honest), we need to do something about that. Do you think this is true, at the fundament of it all?
I don't know what we can do about it except to be as kind as possible in our interactions. I don't pretend to logic and i'm not an intellectual, so ... that's all I got.