It's kind of like a search party made up of people that loosely fall into two groups ... the first group believes the best way to find the lost person is to use a map and figure out where to go based on the last known location. The second group believes that the best way to find the lost person is by trying to put themselves in the shoes of the lost person and guess what they might do. Ne-aux grabs the map and Fe-aux protests it was rude to do that. Fi-dom says, "I need to see where we need to go, there's new terrain I've yet to explore" and Ni-dom says, "I've already narrowed it down so let's go where I've decided you need to go." Fi-Ne says, "You don't have a right to pre-select, the lost person could be ANYWHERE!" and Ni-Fe says, "You need to follow the protocol of chain of command here, mister." We . get . stuck.
If an INFP wants to engage an INFJ, this protocol has the potential to positively start the process and helps to ensure communication can ensue. The process has to start somewhere, and since Fe-aux puts up the first protest, the Fi-Ne person is in the best position to help communications reach the next level.
Assuming the INFP can use the list above, at this point, we look to the INFJ:
INFP's - the factors we need to connect with someone and share are:
1.) Compassion: A demonstration of compassion towards the emotions we are trying to process. (Why are you hurting, your hurting matters to me.)
2.) Acceptance and Tolerance: An attempt to accommodate that fact that emotions and logic may be intermingled, especially in emotional moments. (This has been difficult for you, how can I help? Asking questions to clarify emotion.)
3.) Suspension of Judgement: An effort to listen without placing information within the larger context; the suspension of offering solutions. (The suspension of judgement shows you believe I can figure this out.)
4.) Open-mindedness: Believing that although the path appears obscure, we will get to our destination. (We can get there together; I can help remind you of our goal. We are ok.)
This hopefully leads to mutual trust. And this trust can be the fundament I believe of some excellent discussions together. Most importantly, we can't jump immediately to our aux to problem-solve, or we end up in the stuck place again. When Fi-Ne hears their "alarm bells" we need to stop and ask ourselves, "Am I presenting too many options, mixed messages, emotions mixed with data?" Fi-Ne can then state out loud what is venting vs what is not to help reduce "white noise". When Ni-Fe hears their "alarm bells", it's important to declare out loud that the "alarm bells" are ringing, and that you are overwhelmed with mixed messages and need time to process. Ask for clarification. Ask if this is venting or theorizing, or if there's an agenda or goal. Ask for time-out.
Now, the hinge point: The Ti tert and the Si tert can also be tripping points. This part, I need to work on further, further than I can suss out of my heart and brain tonight. But suffice it to say, we need to be able to tolerate from each other, respectively and to a certain degree, Si's need for copious amounts of data and Ti's need to nit-pick into the details and nitty-gritty of interaction.
This IS a work in progress. Add, subtract, pick apart. It might be the start of some sort of explanation of why INFJ's and INFP's have trouble interacting in a mutually desirable way? I mean, we WANT to, each of us, yet it hits these bumps in the road that I believe might be navigable.
PART 4 to follow .....