Yes, we already know that posts will contain truths, half-truths, exaggerations, emotions and bias. And that goes back to my earlier posts as well, quoting myself - it's a little out of context, but the gist of it is here:
Originally Posted by Southern Kross
"To try to explain a wee bit more about tone or insults, as I mentioned in a post to fidelia, when I look at a person's post I seem to naturally auto-filter out most of the personal bias. Not just INFP bias, but in the posts of others too, as it's everywhere. I feel like I still "get" the main points someone is trying to convey despite being combined with what looks like screed or overblown with rhetoric. I don't know if that's an INFP thing or an e9 thing or a just-me thing or all 3 together. But I think it's an Fi trait to a certain degree. So, the reason why that's important is that such items may not register as an offense for INFP's when seems to for INFJ's."
It's ok to me that all of these seemingly contradictory things exist in a post. It's kind of what I expect. The "nuggets of truth" seem to pop out anyway. It's enough to allow me to continue and dig deeper, follow along. I don't have to agree with it or anything like that either.
Well, it takes so much time to pre-sort, categorize, itemize and present a post too. I've noticed an interesting pattern in many NFP posts that the first couple of the day are generally very well-crafted, but then as we respond more in real-time, our natural voices / thought processes start to show more and we can start stepping on INFJ toes. (And really, I mostly worry about it in these NFP - NFJ threads, as it seems to make such a huge difference to the type of reception we receive.) I find myself that those 3rd and 4th posts of the day are the posts that sometimes create more contention because I haven't had enough time to ensure the message is delivered in the manner I think it will best be received. Or I introduce a thought that springs into my mind as inspiration but it hasn't really taken full shape in my own mind. And an idea often only takes shape AS I type, the process of taking from the ether to reality generates a connection, but then I am left with the task of making it presentable to the outside world. In what I would consider a "mission-critical" post, this process can take hours.
The added problem to the situation is that OA is also a NFP. When NFPs relax too much (like when we're in the forum, talking to sympathetic ears), we allow ourselves to talk more in 'veils' because we think this group of people will be more adept at mining that underlying Truth; that Truth that perhaps even we cannot get to with all the noise going on inside our head.
Taking all that time can make me feel like I am lagging behind in a huge way. (Plus, like everyone I have a real life where stuff needs to get done!) So in an effort to stay current, I choose to let a little more of the natural flow exist in the post. iow, there's not as much time to ensure the posts are emotion-neutral. It would be helpful to me if INFJ's realized that when we start to respond in real-time, we might not be presenting things in a manner that's quite as helpful to you. It might seem a little more jumbled or a little more mixed-messagey. Can that still be acceptable? Or kept in consideration? @fidelia, @Z Buck McFate - do you think that's reasonable?
ETA: I know you experience a similar thing (not exactly the same, but needing time for posts to emerge) so will be able to appreciate this! How do you think we can best deal with it?
And it's not just parameters either, it's the whole premise that we start with what's in common, then diverge to individual viewpoints. And that good-will needs to be established up front.
I can see now that the INFJs need those parameters set in order to even start analysing what is said - and I think we (both INFJs and INFPs) need to find a way to address this need without slowing down the process too much.
In a way, I see the forum as a venue to be more informal, yet these "real life" rules matter just as much on the forum to INFJ's as they do IRL. It's good to keep in mind.
Yes, when one is venting about another person it feels that they elevate themselves by diminishing another. It's challenging to listen through it all to find what's truth in that kind of message.
I also want to say as an aside, that NFPs can get pretty tetchy when we don't find nuggets of Truth beneath the 'veils'. I'm thinking back to @Orobas
's thread about a conversation she had with her boyfriend's mother or MIL (not sure which). The Fe users (who were mostly INFJs I think) said that the mother was just venting, but the NFPs got pretty annoyed by the logical flaws in the MIL's words and how grossly judgemental and unfair she seemed to be. In such circumstances, we become rather contemptuous and pretty much write-off everything that person has to say on the matter.
Agreed. I tried along the way with my explanations and reps as well to achieve this end, and that echoes my thought process.
I suppose (again, Ne sometimes takes a while to work out what even it's entirely on about) we wanted you to see past the ('veil' of) negativity of OA's post and how she might have some good points regardless, and then that ('veil' of) contempt would disappear and a useful conversation would eventuate.