These are problems I have experienced in INFJs I know in person. I'm not saying this is what all INFJs are like or that these points even sum up these individuals (who DO have good qualities), but I see these as "common issues" in INFJs.
Anyone want to cop to some of these (even if to lesser degree), explain how you get over these negative tendencies, etc?
I've included some points from a Ni description which seem to explain the "root" of some of these issues.
1. General paranoia
. Example: everyone is out to get them for no good reason. All of their problems are due to these people who are out to get them, and there is absolutely nothing they have done to spur these people, of course. In reality, these people may not like them, but they are ignoring the INFJ, not out to get them; OR the INFJ has given them a reason to react that way.
"Have little awareness of the facts of the external world... the world of facts are far removed for them, and they try to confine their contact with these things to the aspects which they can regulate as they like. Everything else appears to them as suspicious, as something they must defend themselves against."
"The influence of reason is inconsistent & self-centered....and the knowledge behind their thoughts is often incomplete.....they may force a line of reasoning that ends up being unclear and contradictory."
2. Selfishness & in denial about it. Playing tyrant/victim,
whichever suits them to get their way. They pat themselves on the back for being so "giving", but they only give in ways that suits them (ie. benefits them also in some way), not according to what people truly need & are even asking for.
" Egotism, and a desire to dominate, may cause them to use these requirements of an ideal relationship to benefit their own agenda."
3. They will not take personal responsibility* for any problem in their life
or any negative effect they have on others; they are always blaming something outside themselves.
4. General Delusion*.
They will see nothing but what they want to see, which is a majorly distorted perspective completely at odds with the reality of the world. See quote for #1.
5. They are not simply sensitive to criticism; they refuse to acknowledge they have flaws at all
or that they have any blame in a situation, period. Yet, they criticize others heavily & have high expectations for them that they could never meet themselves.
"They may make demands on others without being prepared to meet the same demands themselves."
6. They make promises or state intentions they either cannot keep or don't intend to keep,
mainly to get others to do what they want. When they are called on these promises, they get mad at people for being "demanding"* & accuse them of not being supportive of them by expecting too much. I see this as a form of manipulation, even if not intentional.
"Seek to regulate everything according to their own ideas...
Apt to be tyrants within their own small circle...
Rather than adapt themselves to others, they will limit their contact with those who do not agree with them..."
7. INSANE double standards.
For example, only the INFJ is allowed to be hurt; if they hurt you & you communicate this, then they act hurt that you'd dare imply they are even capable of hurting someone (see inability to accept criticism, even if that means they will invalidate others' feelings & trample their needs). Other kinds of double standards they flex include holding other people to standards they themselves fail to meet & likely never will. See quote for #5.
* Elaboration: They respond to emotional pain with a perspective shift which eases that pain by removing personal responsibility. Instead of literally running away (as a Pe type would; seeking a new external environment for better possibilities), they mentally distance themselves from something, creating a new mental possibility (or viewpoint) that has nothing to do with reality, but soothes their feelings. This new, distorted perspective explains away any blame they might have to accept otherwise. Now, they don't have to change what they do either; instead, they insist others change for them, & they either cut these people off or manipulate them to if they won't adhere to the INFJ's wishes.