I kind of feel like Ni looks at the the data available, looks for patterns or an overall picture emerging (or waits until the patterns develop), then checks it against Ti (which organizes and double checks information) and then if a new structure is necessary, everything gets revamped. Therefore, we'd be very unlikely to make a statement about how things are based purely on our own experience, without checking it with other experiences over the course of a long period of time, or seeing if it holds true for other people. I think that's part of what makes me impatient about the each person sharing their own experience as truth thing - I am inclined to want to point out where it diverges from mine or other's experiences, not to discount it, but to suggest that some restructuring is necessary, because that's what I would want from someone else if they felt that I had missed something important that would skew my data.
I think what you are saying PB is that Fi takes a myriad of other stories to construct the first picture, seeing what resonates as truth with them - maybe a bit like a mosaic? Whereas, we would be more likely to come up with a theoretical model, and then test it for leaks by using other people's information later to either disprove or confirm.
Perhaps also more emphasis is placed with Fi on not assigning validity to any of the stories, but letting the truthometer do that itself (screening happens at that point). I am more likely to only consider those people I consider reliable sources (screening is first rather than later). The flaw I see with my way is that sometimes I discount some things of value because of the source they originated from, and I also tend to be reluctant to discount someone whom I trust, even if their behaviour has changed since I started trusting them.
I don't think for me the family resemblance analogy holds true. Take a real life example: At Christmas time, one person was exclaiming how my nephew looks exactly like my father. Aside from having very different colouring, different facial structure, body type, mannerisms, personalities and interests from my dad, my nephew is the spitting image of his father. He speaks like his dad, walks like him, talks like him and despite disliking him, has very similar mannerisms and interests to him. You couldn't tell that my sister was in any way part of the process of my nephew coming to be! Is it that I don't want to admit that my nephew looks like my dad? Not at all! I just have a hard time considering the other person's perspective as valid, considering the facts at hand.
I will agree that even unhealthy INFJ behaviours will be expressed in a way more in keeping with INFJ type than with an entirely different personality type. So for example, if INFJs are somewhat conflict avoidant and also are prone to not getting involved with (or staying involved with) those who have too different of viewpoints to reconcile themselves with without constant friction, an unhealthy INFJ will become a doorslammer extraordinaire and will refuse to talk about what happened or try to repair it. I don't think that makes them typical of other INFJs. It makes their behaviour a caricatured, exaggerated and destructive version of normal, but not unhealthy ways of relating.
@Mane - I didn't realize that you were looking for the kinds of anecdotes others have shared above. When I think of the word remorse, I'm thinking of deep, deep regret for something that has extremely negatively impacted other people in a life-changing way. If it is helpful to you to hear about more regular, every day instances where it has been necessary to apologize or where I've double-checked to ensure that I haven't offended, I can do that.
Just a short time ago, a friend had written to me about an instance where an NFJ friend had said something that inadvertently touched some of her deepest insecurities (he had given kind of a back-handed compliment). She even wrote to him to explain what he had said and how it had been hurtful to her (atypical of usual behaviour for her type, but the friendship mattered to her), and his response was such that she resolved never to trust him with important information, if he couldn't see even with help that some damage had been done. I responded to her privately and expressed some of my thoughts on the issue and didn't hear back for some time. Knowing my tendancy to over-obsess, I assumed that she was just busy. Then I started thinking, what if I am just as oblivious as said friend was?? I wrote her to apologize if I had stepped somewhere I shouldn't have and make sure she knew that wasn't my intention and to disregard and blow away the chaff of anything in my response that had been less than useful. She responded by saying she had been busy and felt the stuff I said had been helpful but deserved a good reply and then life came along etc etc and it didn't happen. We resumed our exchange and all was well.
Sometimes on here I have had a tendancy to step in and try to mediate between two strangers (particularly when I first came here). I realized fairly quickly how directive and pushy that came off, even though I hadn't meant it that way. I was interpreting their style of interaction as meaning what it would if I had interacted in that way and I responded in the way that I believed would be most helpful to me were I in their shoes. Despite apologizing for wandering in where it was not my place to wander, it took some time and a build up of more positive exchanges before things returned to less shaky ground.
Throughout the years, I have sent a number of people (both male and female) on here that I have had more one on one exchanges with small presents (not high monetary value) for a special occasion, or just for fun, because it is exciting to get mail. In all cases, I've checked ahead to ensure that I am not making the other person uncomfortable by doing so. Most of the time, people have been thrilled to be thought of and have someone try to guess what would please them. In some, it's been kind of a meh response, which makes me realize perhaps it made them feel awkward, obligated or unsure about me. In one case, I received a negative response, which I was deeply embarrassed about because the parcel was misinterpreted as meaning something I didn't mean at all. In the one case, the person took my present to mean that I was showering them with pity (which wasn't the case at all) in addition to feeling from other exchanges that I was patronizing them and assuming I knew something about them that I clearly didn't or was inaccurately equating previous experiences I had had with others to their experiences. (That certainly wasn't my intention, but it did open my eyes to the fact that I can come off that way and that it can be annoying and irritating). They also interpreted genuine interest in life experiences very different from mine to be overly curious, stalkery or intrusive. I wish I had understood that before (I guess no experience goes to waste and it is easier to see those things after the fact), but the only thing I could do by then was bring up the subject the best way I knew how, apologize for making them feel that way and try to clarify my intentions and after that let sleeping dogs lie so as not to create any new misunderstandings.
As a kid, a piano teacher of mine (who was a rather blunt and unhappy person) blew up at me during a piano lesson. She had told me in the past that if I made a mistake I was supposed to continue on playing. In this instance, she pointed out my mistake, I said, "I know" and I kept playing. I think it was a combination of various factors (it was the only week my mum wasn't waiting downstairs during the lesson, the lady was going through a lot of stressful events in her life, and she was dealing with great pain from a recent surgery). Anyway, she took my "I know" to mean "I know everything" and so exploded, left the room for 10 minutes while she banged cupboards etc in the kitchen and then she came back and resumed the lesson like nothing had happened. I had never been so devastated in my life and didn't want to cry in front of her, but it was dreadful getting through the rest of the lesson and I had no idea how I was going to face her again. I was 13 at the time, and after discussing the situation with my mum, she went the next week and talked privately with the lady (who by then was a little nervous herself, as she knew she had been out of line) and just said how badly I felt and that I really did not feel that way at all and was very sorry if I had given off that impression. After I went upstairs, I said sorry, and the lesson resumed as usual. It taught me a very important lesson which has been useful to me to this day, both about how to resolve conflict, as well as about intentions not always being enough. It's made me careful to think about how I may be perceived by others in authority, even if my intentions are good.