Does anyone else have this problem?
I really, really hate having to ask for help from others. Not ask their opinion or their feedback, but actually having to ask them to do something for me.
The feeling is that I should be able to do all of my work myself and that if I cant, I need to work harder. It also feels like I am imposing a huge burden on the other person by asking them to do something for me...if I have been given the work, I am responsible for completing it.
There is some notion that if they see I am doing a task and I need help, they will help share part of the burden without my having to ask. They will not only offer, but insist to help. But if I have to ask, then likely they did not want to help in the first place and I am putting a burden on them by asking or getting a favor to which I will owe them something for it....like helping has turned into a system of bartering, when it should be one of giving.... If I have to actually ask, then I sometimes feel even resentful-why should I have to ask for help when it is obvious that I need help?
There is also some notion that if I am forced to ask for help, then the other people around me are not working towards the same goals as myself or they would have seen the importance of the goals...thus I feel like a lone ranger who needs to shoulder the burdens alone...almost like they do not value the same goals as me...
I recognize this is all types of goof-ball and likely has something to do with my childhood and getting the electricity turned off a few too many times. As a result, the only person who ever gets to help me much is my type 8 INTJ dad-in-law who just forces his way into the situation and does things without asking. I am learning to communicate this to my ESTJ boss, so she is starting to give me subordinates to take some amount of the work, but I even feel kinda bad dumping work on them.
Do other people experience this sort of feeling? What is a more normal approach to asking/receiving help from others?