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  1. #1
    A_priori
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    Question Pressing discomfort of an INFJ

    INFJs, do you guys ever get the feeling that your lives are sorta passing you by? I'm talking about careers, relationships, hobbies ect.. I am starting to feel like my life is passing me by and am forever wondering what kind of move to make next. I find it even more difficult being and INFJ XY; just for the sheer fact that I don't have many people who I can relate to or turn to for help who would see things from the same perspective. I recently turned 30 a few weeks ago and am starting to really feel the pinch. It would be interesting to find out what other INFJs are doing with their lives? What kind of careers are you guys in and do you feel content with yourselfs?

    I am currently working in the health care system but am finding it really exhausting with the amount of people stimuli. I am also feeling a little bit stagnant as there is definitely room to move up in my career but haven't taken the slightest steps in getting there.

    I hope that I don't sound like I am complaining as I realize things could be worse. I guess but I just really want to know how other INFJs feel on this one. Do you guys relate to this underlining pressing discomfort, and if so why and what do you suggest ?

    Thanks
    Last edited by A_priori; 11-05-2012 at 07:25 PM.

  2. #2
    Phantonym
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    Quarter-life crisis? Not solely an INFJ issue.

    Source:

    Phase 1 - A feeling of being trapped by your life choices. Feeling as though you are living your life on autopilot.

    Phase 2 - A rising sense of "I've got to get out" and the feeling that you can change your life.

    Phase 3 - Quitting the job or relationship or whatever else is making you feel trapped and embarking on a "time out" period where you try out new experiences to find out who you want to be.

    Phase 4 - Rebuilding your life.

    Phase 5 - Developing new commitments more attuned to your interests and aspirations.

  3. #3
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Not INFJ but I've been feeling it too, ever since a little after I got out of college. Not being in academics is a weird world - no being pushed along forward by the system anymore. Right now I'm working on moving to a new place.

    Phase 5 - Developing new commitments more attuned to your interests and aspirations.
    Yeah that. Recentering.

  4. #4
    A_priori
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    I don't feel it's nearly this simple.

  5. #5
    A_priori
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phantonym View Post
    Quarter-life crisis? Not solely an INFJ issue.

    Source:
    I dont think that it's nearly this simple..

  6. #6
    ReflecTcelfeR
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    Quote Originally Posted by A_priori View Post
    I dont think that it's nearly this simple..
    It is simple, just not easy.

  7. #7
    From the Undertow CuriousFeeling's Avatar
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    I don't think a day goes by without us INFJ folk going through some form of an existential crisis. We're idealists by nature, and it goes for not only what's going on in our lives, but how we are as a person. There's never a feeling of total satisfaction with where we are at. It's always a quest to find our perfect place. Just defining exactly what it is, and getting past fears and taking risks to get to where we need to be is the key thing here.

    Reading this "quarter-life crisis" list, it fits exactly what I'm going through at the moment. I even had a dream last night related to this.
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  8. #8
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    I think there was a point where I realized half of my life was probably gone, so I was kind of locked into things. I had a moment or two of anxiety and reflection. Then I was like, well, I guess that's that. Whattayagonnado?

    The big goal of my life was to make a good marriage and family. I feel pretty good about my marriage. My kids are 13, 15, 17, & 19 and none of them show signs of sociopathy or major personality disorders, so even though it's too soon to tell how they will ultimately turn out, I feel pretty positive about that.

    Essentially, my identity is very tied up with my family. Family is doing okay, so I'm doing okay. I anticipate having some kind of adjustment when (or in this economy, if) the kids move out and I have little or no control over what becomes of them. If (or more likely when) I'm widowed, I'll be permanently maimed at the very least.

    I have a pasion for fighting the establishment in an attempt to secure a better life for people, but I have a pretty good life and we're taking steps toward our security and comfort long term.

    I worry more about am I being a good wife/mother/sister/daughter/person/citizen/Christian, etc. than about whether life is passing me by or whether I've done something with my life, etc. Other than that, I'm a bit of a hedonist at heart. I like climate control, comfortable clothes and furniture, fast internet, a dependable car with good air conditioning, books, and tasty food. I like harmonious relationships. I like not having to do anything I don't want to do. I can't have all of it all the time, but if I've got most of it, I'm pretty content, at least right now.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
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  9. #9
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by A_priori View Post
    INFJs, do you guys ever get the feeling that your lives are sorta passing you by? I'm talking about careers, relationships, hobbies ect.. I am starting to feel like my life is passing me by and am forever wondering what kind of move to make next. I find it even more difficult being and INFJ XY; just for the sheer fact that I don't have many people who I can relate to or turn to for help who would see things from the same perspective. I recently turned 30 a few weeks ago and am starting to really feel the pinch. It would be interesting to find out what other INFJs are doing with their lives? What kind of careers are you guys in and do you feel content with yourselfs?
    For several years in my mid-20's I was in a bit of a statis state, with deeply rooted dissatisfaction, anxiety, existential questions, some angst, some bitterness, and much of all of it centered around the fact that I wasn't happy with my job at the time, didn't know what I'd rather be doing / couldn't figure out a longterm 'path' that I'd be happy with, for sure, for the rest of my life, and etc etc. I think most of the problems were due to my thinking I needed to figure out a final path, that I'd hit some 'nirvana' state where I'd just definitively know what I wanted to do with my life. It was an achilles heel growing up, and also what I was so bothered about in my 20's... just that it *appeared* all of my peers around me were effortlessly merging into a career, or always knew 'what they wanted to be' when they grew up, or didn't struggle with what I couldn't pin down.

    Once I decided by my late 20's/around age 30 that if I kept on that track, that I'd stay on it permanently, without doing anything, all because I couldn't figure out the master plan, I realized I may as well, at the very least, move to a different location to keep on keeping on with the same thoughts. At least change one element. And, I did. I uprooted my life, hadn't cemented specifically where I would move to upon quitting my job, traveled, then several months later moved to a different state. I still faced some of the same job/life questions, but I was in new surroundings, and had begun the process of letting go of a need to figure it all out and remain in a state of predictability and 'safety', but also of unhappiness and stagnation.

    Anyhow, simultaneously I realized that for me it's quite possible I'll never have the 'ultimate career', so I decided to just give up on that notion, because I no longer believe it applies to me (or, my trying to think my way into it doesn't do me any good), so I am now at peace with just finding a job that I find palatable/ok until it ceases to be palatable, then I'll leave and figure out a new job to try out /go to a new company.

    [I'm currently a business analyst in a strategic development unit / project management part of a company]

    I also love traveling, seeing new places/experiencing new things, and if I could ever kick myself into action to start trying to more proactively/actively pursue earning some income via photography or art, I will start doing that. I am also in a current period of assessing what I want to do in my free time to stimulate me more, and to broaden my horizons; I find in my life that I periodically need to jumpstart myself out of complacency, and hone in on new goals/'purposes' that I want to strive towards. I don't currently have that direction so would like to figure out what my 'next step' will be, whether free time or something broader than that.

    I think the one element where I have often felt I'm losing time and time is quickening and I'm aging and I off and on get hopeless or mildly sad/depressed/lonely is my singleness. It certainly wasn't what I had ever envisioned, growing up, that my life would be like, as I've always wanted a partner, but as time goes on I think it's less likely that that will happen for me. And especially re. kids/a family, time is of the essence as a woman and frankly it's just not likely now. I was never strongly attached to the family vision when younger...and that lack of attachment of course would have played into how I approached relationships in my 20's and who I was drawn to, but in recent years I'm thinking a little more about it. Not actively, more just... I'm aware that in many ways most of my peers are 'passing me by' in terms of life path/kids/etc. Sometimes I don't know how I feel about that; other times, I marvel at the life I live and the freedoms/experiences I've had as a result.

    Edit: I think for myself, it's very easy to get into an analysis loop where I think I can think my way into my 'next step'. Obv. I'm still guilty of that. I think reflection is great, and as introverts I think we get a lot out of it and can often figure things out, but the lull of introversion is a trap as well. For me, sometimes the simple act of just DOING something - anything - can get me out of a rut. Just need to let go of the notion that whatever you choose to do has to be some epic final decision... maybe it doesn't. It may lead to something else or spur you in the right direction.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  10. #10
    A_priori
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    Quote Originally Posted by Phantonym View Post
    Quarter-life crisis? Not solely an INFJ issue.

    Source:
    Hey I just wanted to say that I didn't mean to sound cutting to your quarter life crisis analogy. I'm sure that some of the stuff suggested holds true. It's just I don't like to look at things as if they fall into a perfect system like that. The information presented is valid tho and just wanted you to know that this pressing discomfort that I am feeling is not nessasry due to a quarterly crisis. It's just that now I am feeling the pinch more I guess.

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