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  1. #21
    Member ameeker's Avatar
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    I think that if you're in a job that's unfulfilling (like I am), that you long for something else. INFJ's are idealists, so we need to feel helpful, needed, and wanted at our job. I think we also need to feel like our values are aligned with the company's values.

  2. #22
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    I just want to say thank you to everyone contributing in this thread. I feel like I have been experiencing the discomfort/crisis since I was maybe 5 years old and there have been few times in my life where I haven't felt like an outsider looking in on things. To hear others echo this and offer their thoughts too is very comforting especially now that I am at "settling down" age.

  3. #23
    Senior Member the state i am in's Avatar
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    at 30, what's happened for me has really been to (and maybe for the first time in my life) learn some semblance of focus. it's helped me reorganize my emotions and recognize more clearly what is happening within me. only this practice of self-observation has allowed me to find any balance when it comes to negotiating social norms and expectations and how i in turn internalize them, how the voice in my head speaks to me on behalf of the cultural world and social networks i have embodied, which i then use to interpret my experiences and emotions and self/life. learning how to check this interpretive process and not needing to close your observation with finality changes everything.

    in this process, i've noticed a few things. first, if i'm not in a state where i'm finding something to appreciate in my everyday life, my judgment becomes impaired and swings too far to the negative. i then feel a greater state of neediness, which takes away from my ability to energize, out of positivity and a sincere desire to improve and give more to myself and others, plans for further growth. i'm basically in deficit spending mode, trying to balance which debt can grow in order to fund a venture that will make me feel better, that will make me stop feeling shitty. really connected to this is drawing myself back into my body and allowing myself to fully experience something in the moment. and to fully experience myself, my body, as the instrument of experience for me. tasting food, hearing music, mutual massage with a partner, going for a walk, they just make it easier to start from a more balanced place.

    second, i've also had to let go of my need for closure. closure is something i felt i needed in part because i did not trust myself to manage my own anxiety. so much of our big picture choices are about managing risk and truly knowing ourselves enough to recognize what we value enough to bridge those insecure, uncertain moments. what we have faith in, which requires us to truly feel it down to our core. but the relationship between these two divergent aspects of judgment is challenging, and sometimes i've just been working on scales way too big for me to manage. maybe i will regret it in the future, but for now, realistically, it seems like i'm capable of working with a year or two at a time. i can't really commit to something bigger than that, because i'm simply not there yet, i haven't mastered scales of time that big. i just stress myself out and lose my focus. even more so, i'm just trying to get to a point where i can master a week at a time, and do so in a way that is not simply throwing myself into a situation that is entirely other-driven to keep me on task. as someone working part-time jobs and for the first time, finding a satisfactory, stable/livable income doing so, i'm feeling more and more content. as a result, i think i'm focusing on scales of growth that are more realistic, because they are less needy. if i try to focus on making a change, it's for better reasons than before.

    i know i don't have it all figured out, but i feel steady progress. i'm more open to making a couple of contingency plans without fearing that opening up that can of worms is threatening or likely to lower my energy levels. i won't get stuck in rumination like i did when i finished my grad program a year ago. i'll limit myself to a path or a couple of potential paths that i want to consider, and then i'll make a choice. i don't need to see myself as 100% in control of my story. instead, i'll pay more attention to what is and has been happening than before, and that will help me know where i'm at better so that when i need to take the next leap of faith, i'll be able to hear and feel myself without being overwhelmed by the actuarial charts projected upon me by the world i live in.

  4. #24
    Parody Parrot meowington's Avatar
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    just a few quick things that come to mind here :

    -I'm 34
    -I work as the only IT guy in a company with about 60 employees.
    -I feel good about myself now because I'm very loved by my colleagues. I'm visionary at solving problems.
    -I'm also calming down a lot now that age is settling in. My anxieties have practically faded out completely over the years.
    -Being a father of 5 yr old girl has shifted the focus from me to her, which has also calmed me down a lot.
    -I've come to terms with the fact that I will not change the world singlehandedly or even make much of a difference in the big picture.
    -I still have big aspirations for my upcoming short stories
    -Learning a musical instrument (guitar) at relatively late age 27 was a revelation for me. A healthy way of soothing my mind. So was jogging.
    could go on for a while but I need to turn the pc down and read a bit before going to sleep. yet another thing I've learned over the years.

    I think INFJs are mostly late bloomers.

    All the best.

  5. #25

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    I'm 32, soon to be 33 years old.

    I've been feeling the clock spinning faster and faster since I had a kid and turned 30.

    I don't particularly like my job, but I honestly don't know what else to do. I just know I need a change. Ideally I want to work in music, perhaps as a score composer for small, independent films; maybe eventually get back into a band. The problem is that there isn't much potential to earn enough money in this field. I don't want to do it for the money, but I would need to find a way to support my wife and son if I took this path. The months and years continue to hurl past and yet I move no closer to this goal. I have always possessed tons of ambition, but ambition doesn't amount to much if one lacks the willpower to see things through. The anxiety I feel over not moving any closer to my goals only increases.

    Side note... @miauwington, I didn't start playing bass and guitar until I was 20. I remember some inner demon trying to convince me I was already too old to learn, that I should've started at age 10. I wanted it bad enough to ignore that demon, and I started playing and teaching myself with an incredible focus and determination. I was proficient at both within a year (not a virtuoso by any means, but adequate enough that I was already playing in a band). I'm not bragging on my abilities, just reiterating the point that it's never too late to chase a dream or goal as long as one possesses the focus and willpower. This is true for any type. This gives me hope that I can still find a way to follow a path in music. The steps are already laid out in front of me, I just need to recapture the drive and determination I had at 20.
    Masculine presenting transgender lesbian


    At heart, I’ll always be a bleeding heart liberal.

  6. #26

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    I used to have great willpower too. Something snapped inside me after having a child. I started making the safe and easy choices.
    Last edited by asynartetic; 12-17-2013 at 10:33 PM. Reason: I am damaged
    Masculine presenting transgender lesbian


    At heart, I’ll always be a bleeding heart liberal.

  7. #27
    Parody Parrot meowington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lyedecker View Post
    Side note... @miauwington, I didn't start playing bass and guitar until I was 20. I remember some inner demon trying to convince me I was already too old to learn, that I should've started at age 10. I wanted it bad enough to ignore that demon, and I started playing and teaching myself with an incredible focus and determination. I was proficient at both within a year (not a virtuoso by any means, but adequate enough that I was already playing in a band). I'm not bragging on my abilities, just reiterating the point that it's never too late to chase a dream or goal as long as one possesses the focus and willpower.
    That all sounds very familiar. Also told myself I was already too old to learn (even at age 18 !! lol).

  8. #28

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    Quote Originally Posted by miauwington View Post
    That all sounds very familiar. Also told myself I was already too old to learn (even at age 18 !! lol).
    Stop listening to yourself!
    Masculine presenting transgender lesbian


    At heart, I’ll always be a bleeding heart liberal.

  9. #29
    Parody Parrot meowington's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lyedecker View Post
    Stop listening to yourself!
    Hah ! From now I will only listen to my 5 year old daughter :p See how that works out

    Anyway, what kind of job do you have ?

  10. #30

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    Quote Originally Posted by miauwington View Post
    Hah ! From now I will only listen to my 5 year old daughter :p See how that works out

    Anyway, what kind of job do you have ?
    Warehouse work. That's all you really need to know. It's completely boring, routine stuff that is unchallenging and non stimulating.
    Masculine presenting transgender lesbian


    At heart, I’ll always be a bleeding heart liberal.

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