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  1. #1
    Junior Member Ling's Avatar
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    Default Fe in an Fi household (Welp.)

    So basically, I'm an INFJ (Fe aux), and my family consists of an ISFP (Fi dom) dad, ESTJ (Fi inferior) mom and an ENFP (Fi aux) sister.

    I don't know, it just gets pretty hard living with them most of the time because they so constantly insist on seeing the world/family life and what not from their own perspectives and morals, and don't consider what anyone else thinks about that. It drives me up the wall, but I feel like I can't do anything about it because I don't want them getting upset.

    Any Fe dom/aux es out there who can relate? And what do you think would be an... appropriate way to deal with this?

  2. #2
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Move out.
    To avoid criticism, do nothing, say nothing, be nothing.
    ~ Elbert Hubbard

    Music provides one of the clearest examples of a much deeper relation between mathematics and human experience.

  3. #3
    darkened dreams labyrinthine's Avatar
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    I'm an INFJ and my mother and sister are both Fi-doms. I think my brother is also an INFJ. I will try to come back to the thread with a thought-out post. Basically, I avoid discussing the sensitive issues with them, and when there is conflict I try to take the relationship back to the simplest level possible by giving them meaningful gifts, sharing cute and funny pictures from the internet, etc. I do not try to resolve issues by talking through these because they are very intelligent, so when their feelings and thoughts get mis-calibrated from reality, discussing becomes complex because they create a strongly coherent set of ideas internally. It is hard to explain, but I suggest keeping interactions simple, but very warm and kind. Also listening to them is important as long as you don't react emotionally to ideas that upset you.
    Step into my metaphysical room of mirrors.
    Fear of reality creates myopic morality
    So I guess it means there is trouble until the robins come
    (from Blue Velvet)

  4. #4
    Ginkgo
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    I imagine it would be pretty hard considering how social standards usually demand you to respect the family. Interesting thing about Fi: it's reactive. If your family talks about how shitty everything is, then I would suggest finding something nice to talk about, even if you're talking about the bright side of a situation. You keep your distance, yet maintain respect. Not everyone will be happy. Oh well. /Fi.

  5. #5
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    I'd say try to connect with each family member by what you have in common with them. I think your ESTJ mom might have values that conform more to the 'social norm', so she would be the one to go to when you need things from a sensible, grounded perspective. Go all NF-y with your ENFP sister -- talk about emotions, about caring about the good in the world, about ideals and values. I don't know how mature or healthy their Fi are, but I think it will be interesting to learn to see things from their perspective as well.

    One thing about Fi that Fe users often don't realize is that Fi has this great capacity to accept you for who you are without wishing you to change. It's quite nice, really
    4w5 sp/sx EII

  6. #6
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Ling View Post
    So basically, I'm an INFJ (Fe aux), and my family consists of an ISFP (Fi dom) dad, ESTJ (Fi inferior) mom and an ENFP (Fi aux) sister.

    I don't know, it just gets pretty hard living with them most of the time because they so constantly insist on seeing the world/family life and what not from their own perspectives and morals, and don't consider what anyone else thinks about that. It drives me up the wall, but I feel like I can't do anything about it because I don't want them getting upset.

    Any Fe dom/aux es out there who can relate? And what do you think would be an... appropriate way to deal with this?


    I empathize from the opposite direction. My whole family is Fe - ESFJ, INTP, ISTP. And then my SO is ESFJ and my best friends are ENFJ and ESFJ. So obviously I really like Fe. But I definitely understand what you mean about it being really hard sometimes, when it seems like everyone's values in a situation are pitted against yours.

    I know you're asking Fe dom/aux, so I don't mean to intrude, but I do think something useful about Fi is that it's very live and let live. We can each have our own opinions, and as long as you're not hurting anyone via them, most Fi users will be totally fine with whatever you believe. So they might be very vocal about their opinions, but I think there's kind of an inherent assumption in Fi that everyone else is going to have a different opinion, too. Don't let them make you feel crowded by their opinions, because their mindspace is leaving room for you to have opinions of your own, too, and you're equally welcome to assert them, as long as you're not infringing on anyone else's. Sometimes Fi is surprisingly malleable, too, when you are able to present a different opinion in a positive light. Fi seeks to integrate Pe information, so if you present a good case to Te, Fi may well shift to meet you. Especially in the case of Ne, unity and wholeness is paramount, and NeFi prefers to integrate whenever possible.

    If you would be interested I would be happy to offer some Fe-friendly Fi perspective on more specific situations.

  7. #7
    Senior Member SubtleFighter's Avatar
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    I can relate to being an Fe-user from an Fi household. (My mom's ISFP, my dad's INTJ, and my sister's ESFP). I feel like for the most part, I've been bending to meet them. It can be hard in either direction, if your family uses a different emotional language than you.

    One thing that has helped me a lot when talking to my family is using the following format: "I feel [emotion] when you [do action]."

    To use one thing that might be an issue for an Fe-user as an example, say that your family doesn't make a big fuss about your high school graduation because they have a value that formal ceremonies aren't that big of a deal. But to you, you really want them to go to your graduation and give you presents and a card and maybe take you out to do something special afterward. Instead of saying something to them like "Why don't you care about me?", I would suggest saying, "I feel hurt that you didn't come to my graduation. My graduation was a big deal to me, and I was hoping that you would be there, so it hurt to not see you there."

    Basically, if you want to talk to them about things they're doing that are frustrating you, don't express it as if you're accusing them of intentionally hurting your feelings, but simply express your feelings about their actions. Since they care about you, they won't want you to be hurt, and you will be able to have a productive conversation with them. However, if you would phrase it accusingly, all they will do is get mad that you are saying they hurt you deliberately and will be defensive and not listen or pay attention to the point you want to get across.
    "Courage is not the absence of fear, but rather the judgment that something else is more important than fear."--Ambrose Redmoon

    . . . metamorphosing . . .

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