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  1. #1
    Senior Member sculpting's Avatar
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    Default Respect for others

    These seem like stupid questions, so please be patient with me...I would greatly appreciate your help and guidance in the below questions.


    What is respect for others?


    What does it mean to be respectful?


    How does one show respect?


    Why should one be respectful?


    Can you show respect to someone you dislike or feel disdain for? How is this done without inducing internal conflict or external conflict?


    How does being respected by others relate to self-esteem? What happens if one is not respected by others?

    Does being respected by others (subconsciously) obligate one to respect others in turn?


    What are the feelings/thoughts evoked when one is not respected by others?

  2. #2
    Senior Member prplchknz's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    These seem like stupid questions, so please be patient with me...I would greatly appreciate your help and guidance in the below questions.


    What is respect for others?not crossing the boundaries they have in place, and just common courtesy


    What does it mean to be respectful?not to be an ass, sorry best i can do i don't know how to put the answer to this into words, if you want action i can show you, but we'd have to meet irl and i doubt you'd be up for that.


    How does one show respect?by giving people their space, not talking about them behind their back, and manners


    Why should one be respectful?niceness gets you things ime, i don't mean be manipulative i mean being geniuinely nice and helpful and you'll find people will often do the same in return


    Can you show respect to someone you dislike or feel disdain for? How is this done without inducing internal conflict or external conflict?Yes, ever had to call customer service and had a rude sales rep? you just nod and smile and say yes ma'am no sir vice versa


    How does being respected by others relate to self-esteem? What happens if one is not respected by others?when one is not respected by others it is devaluinng. respect effects self-esteem in a big way, do remember ever not being respected and how that made you feek?

    Does being respected by others (subconsciously) obligate one to respect others in turn?yes


    What are the feelings/thoughts evoked when one is not respected by others?[I]Fuck them[/I]
    I didn't think those were stupid questions, probably answered some incorrectly, i'm bad at tests. my answers are in bold
    In no likes experiment.

    that is all

    i dunno what else to say so

  3. #3
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    .
    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    These seem like stupid questions, so please be patient with me...I would greatly appreciate your help and guidance in the below questions.


    What is respect for others?
    I guess I mean two different things by it. The first would be a basic level of decent and fair treatment that all people get from me simply because they are people around me. The other kind is a sort of admiration for the other person's character, the history we have together, their expertise in a particular field etc.


    What does it mean to be respectful?
    Being respectful to me means to treat other people with the same kindness I would wish for myself. It also means that if I am aware that something particularly bothers them (even if it doesn't bother me), I try to accommodate them as long as it doesn't violate values in some way.


    How does one show respect?
    To me, respect for other people comes out in how you behave towards them. Showing consideration for their needs and wants.


    Why should one be respectful?
    Because I would like to be treated respectfully as well. It is a basic foundation of having a well-ordered society. It reflects on my character and who I am as a person. Making respect a habit rather than an impulse I think also influences what kind of person one develops into.


    Can you show respect to someone you dislike or feel disdain for? How is this done without inducing internal conflict or external conflict?
    I feel that you can show respect to someone you dislike. I don't think it creates a lot of internal or external conflict for me. However, showing respect to me is just showing basic decency. It doesn't imply allowing the other person to enjoy interpersonal benefits that a friendship (based on respect for the person themselves) would afford.

    How does being respected by others relate to self-esteem? What happens if one is not respected by others?
    I used to be much more affected by people who didn't show me respect (eg acknowledge my presence, treat me neutrally to positively if they didn't know me, use basic manners). Now I still am affected emotionally, but intellectually understand that it generally has much more to do with what's going on inside themselves or with their past experiences, rather than my value as a person. Usually it indicates that I am missing information that would put their behaviour into perspective. Therefore, it has a lot less power to affect me deeply or for a long time, even though I find it unpleasant. I think everyone is affected differently by not feeling respected.

    Does being respected by others (subconsciously) obligate one to respect others in turn?
    I am motivated usually to treat people at least as well as I have been treated by them. If I feel that they are showing inappropriate consideration in relation to the kind of relationship we have, I'd tend not to accept their kindness. Otherwise, yes, I'd try to match their level of consideration for me or exceed it.

    .
    What are the feelings/thoughts evoked when one is not respected by others?
    Initially, I'd probably feel that they thought I was unworthy of respect or that I had done something to offend them. After further observation and consideration, I would try to fill in the missing pieces of information for why they were behaving as they were without provocation.
    Last edited by fidelia; 10-16-2012 at 07:36 AM.

  4. #4
    You have a choice! 21%'s Avatar
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    What is respect for others?
    The attitude that other people are your equal and are entitled to rights, personal beliefs and opinions

    What does it mean to be respectful?
    Being considerate of other people's beliefs and needs and using that knowledge to form part of your judgment/decisions/behaviors.

    How does one show respect?
    Doing things that are important to other people, avoid doing things that will upset them or make them uncomfortable. This doesn't mean that you have to always cater to all their whims. It has more to do with maintaining an awareness of other people's rights/beliefs when you do or say something.

    Why should one be respectful?
    Because the world will be a much nicer place if everyone is respectful.

    Can you show respect to someone you dislike or feel disdain for? How is this done without inducing internal conflict or external conflict?
    It's hard, but, yes, you can. I can't say I feel respect for people who I think are immoral, so in their case if it is important not to cause conflicts I will try to be coldly polite and avoid them if I can. I can still respect people who I don't particularly like or agree with -- I just think they are entitled to their own opinions and although their opinions might rub me the wrong way, I am not better than them and I have no right to treat them badly.

    How does being respected by others relate to self-esteem? What happens if one is not respected by others?
    Respect from other people affects your self-esteem a lot. It shouldn't be so, but while we are still human it is impossible not to be hurt or feel demoralized by other people's lack of respect for you.

    Does being respected by others (subconsciously) obligate one to respect others in turn?
    I think 'respect' is an internal thing, which is different from 'politeness', or even 'good will'. You can feel pity for someone without having any respect for them. You can be polite to someone without respecting them. So, no, someone respecting you doesn't (at least not directly) obligate you to respect them in return. It's just like how some people are considerate and some are not. Some people are respectful and some are not, and even if you treat them with respect, there is no guarantee that they will feel obliged to feel respect for you.

    What are the feelings/thoughts evoked when one is not respected by others?
    If someone doesn't respect me, I will either try to earn their respect (like if I have subordinates at work who think I suck at working, I will reflect upon my flaws to see if they are true and try to become a better boss), or just disregard their opinion (like if after reflecting on the situation and I deem they are being disrespectful out of their own insecurities).
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    Edit, condensed version.

    I think respect has to do with acknowledgement of value.

    Basic respect is to acknowledge inherent value of a being - by existing, one gains recognition of existence. It is the most fundamental incarnation of compassion, to recognize other entities besides yourself, and I believe that it is a moral obligation. Respect entails allowing others a position of value in your life, meaning you will rearrange your own priorities so as to account for their boundaries, and demonstrate that through action and speech. Ideally, if we all respect one another, we can hit an optimization of everyone not impeding one another's self-actualization. The paradox is that you must sacrifice your own perceived freedom to gain true freedom.

    I do feel that you can show respect to someone you dislike; that has to do with the levels of respect that have been discussed. You can demonstrate basic human respect without giving the other person respect as ______. For example, I respect my manager at work as a human, and as a skilled worker, and as a friend, and as a son, and as a husband, but not as a manager, because he is snotty and disdainful. I do not purposefully harm him, nor do I show him any particular deference. I aim for a middle path between compassion and intolerance of mistreatment.

    Not being respected is difficult for self-esteem, because it creates the question of why one should be rejected as a human being. It is also frustrating, since lack of basic respect means others are likely to impede your paths out of not caring whether they inconvenience you (or worse, if they purposefully inconvenience you). Still, most of all, it provokes the question of why they are unwilling to grant you the most basic of rights - what wound inside of them is preventing this?

  6. #6
    Analytical Dreamer Coriolis's Avatar
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    At the risk of intruding on an NF thread, here are my $0.02.

    I see three levels of respect.

    1. The basic respect for all human beings; as Fidelia wrote, treating everyone with common courtesy and fairness. I try to do this, even when it is sometimes difficult. I remind myself of someone's basic humanity when they are being obnoxious or rude, to temper my own response.

    2. Situational respect, that comes not so much from the person as from his/her position or circumstance. Included in this is showing respect for teachers, bosses, police, even elders just because of their position, age, etc. This can be demanded, as when we must address people by their titles, or ask permission from a boss, or do assignments the way the teacher wants. It rarely bothers me to offer these superficial shows of respect, even if the recipient is an idiot or a jerk. To some extent, it is showing respect for the position, duty, or organization, not the individual. I will offer more substantial deference to persons in such positions, to the extent that it does not conflict with higher values like (1), or even the goals of the organization, for instance. In a way, this means my respect for an organization might win out over my respect for a specific individual within it.

    3. Honestly felt respect. This is the respect that comes from how I actually feel about someone, based on their conduct and our interaction. It will lead me to choose to consider the other person's wishes, to support them in their goals, to trust them more, and to value their opinions. This will supersede (2) above when I am dealing with a boss, etc. who has earned it. I feel this to degrees, based on how well and long I have known someone. For those who have earned my respect to a significant degree, there is very little I would not do.

    Underlying all this is respect for myself. I try to earn my own self-respect by acting in a way that is respectable. Acting on the first two above is tied to this. If I get carried away and behave badly when someone is being a jerk to me, I am bothered more by how it makes me feel than how it might make him feel. Similarly, if I am disrespectful to a boss, even a bad one, I feel I am letting down the organization and not living up to my own standards. I should be able to tell my boss (or his boss) anything I feel necessary, while remaining respectful - in this case, demonstrating some combination of all of the above.
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  7. #7
    Emperor/Dictator kyuuei's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    What is respect for others?
    A difficult concept to describe.. It's something I feel out instinctively, more than define in my mind. It is basically the consideration of others in such a way as to not promote ill-will, dishonor, or unjust actions and behavior. (This is as best as I can define it for me.)


    What does it mean to be respectful?

    For me, it means to live my life in a way where my thoughts, words, and actions represent me in the eyes of others. I have respect for myself, and the people around me, and it is a heavy and necessary weight to carry.


    How does one show respect?

    The easiest way to show respect, for me, is to think respectfully. Our thoughts are what translates into words and/or actions, so I try to think in respectful tones. There are simple things.. common and known courtesies in society (like not cussing in front of children, throwing your trash away, or not vandalizing people's properties, etc..), respect of common agreements (following the law, driving safely, etc.), mirroring the respect you show yourself to others as well (if you do not allow people to talk smack about your momma, you don't say anything about other people's mommas.. etc..), and honoring the people around you (showing respect to your elders, helping those in need, respecting children's rights as the future generations, etc.) are all ways to show respect for me.


    Why should one be respectful?

    Because so long as we are going to live as a society and as social creatures, respect is what will keep us from tearing ourselves to pieces. It is difficult to harm people you respect for. It is hard to harm ourselves when we respect ourselves. It is impossible to live in a society that is not peaceful and, overall, safe when people respect the common laws and rules established.


    Can you show respect to someone you dislike or feel disdain for? How is this done without inducing internal conflict or external conflict?

    Absolutely. I've worked with people I cannot stand my whole adult life, but respect is different from liking someone or something. You can not agree with a law (like not wearing your seatbelt) but still respect the law by wearing it anyways regardless of personal opinion. I can hate my boss because of personal matters, but respect that they know how to do their job and that they allow me to do mine despite our differences. I can dislike a decision my family or friends make, but still respect them and have them in my lives as friends. It is a major bridging mechanism for society, and one I feel is not stressed enough.


    How does being respected by others relate to self-esteem? What happens if one is not respected by others?

    I could see self-esteem taking a blow if others do not respect you.. but truthfully, someone respectful should have themselves included in that umbrella. Even if I am not recognized for my work, or if someone dislikes me because they only got half of the story of a situation and judge me based on that, I do not feel less worthy of respect nor do I feel down on myself as a result. My respect gives me confidence and a sense of inner stability.

    Does being respected by others (subconsciously) obligate one to respect others in turn?

    I think so. I think there is a motivation there to respect those being respectful to you. There's usually a drive to want to be social to at least some extent, and respect comes hand-in-hand with society. You can make a friend, but you won't stay friends without respect.


    What are the feelings/thoughts evoked when one is not respected by others?

    I usually feel that they don't have much respect overall, to include respect for themselves, and I tend to not want to associate myself with those sort of people. Sometimes, especially when they are younger, I simply forget it and drive on, and forgive the situation entirely because they haven't had the time and experience I have had in life to figure things out. I wasn't nearly as respectful as I am today when I was a kid.. I was very apathetic to others, and my own, needs.
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  8. #8
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    At the risk of intruding on an NF thread, here are my $0.02.

    I see three levels of respect.

    1. The basic respect for all human beings; as Fidelia wrote, treating everyone with common courtesy and fairness. I try to do this, even when it is sometimes difficult. I remind myself of someone's basic humanity when they are being obnoxious or rude, to temper my own response.

    2. Situational respect, that comes not so much from the person as from his/her position or circumstance. Included in this is showing respect for teachers, bosses, police, even elders just because of their position, age, etc. This can be demanded, as when we must address people by their titles, or ask permission from a boss, or do assignments the way the teacher wants. It rarely bothers me to offer these superficial shows of respect, even if the recipient is an idiot or a jerk. To some extent, it is showing respect for the position, duty, or organization, not the individual. I will offer more substantial deference to persons in such positions, to the extent that it does not conflict with higher values like (1), or even the goals of the organization, for instance. In a way, this means my respect for an organization might win out over my respect for a specific individual within it.

    3. Honestly felt respect. This is the respect that comes from how I actually feel about someone, based on their conduct and our interaction. It will lead me to choose to consider the other person's wishes, to support them in their goals, to trust them more, and to value their opinions. This will supersede (2) above when I am dealing with a boss, etc. who has earned it. I feel this to degrees, based on how well and long I have known someone. For those who have earned my respect to a significant degree, there is very little I would not do.

    Underlying all this is respect for myself. I try to earn my own self-respect by acting in a way that is respectable. Acting on the first two above is tied to this. If I get carried away and behave badly when someone is being a jerk to me, I am bothered more by how it makes me feel than how it might make him feel. Similarly, if I am disrespectful to a boss, even a bad one, I feel I am letting down the organization and not living up to my own standards. I should be able to tell my boss (or his boss) anything I feel necessary, while remaining respectful - in this case, demonstrating some combination of all of the above.

    I wish I could have expressed it this way. Nicely said!

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    Senior Member The Great One's Avatar
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    Prediction: I believe that most of the people answering the OP's original question will be FJ's.

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    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Coriolis View Post
    Similarly, if I am disrespectful to a boss, even a bad one, I feel I am letting down the organization and not living up to my own standards. I should be able to tell my boss (or his boss) anything I feel necessary, while remaining respectful - in this case, demonstrating some combination of all of the above.
    Do you mean basic respect, or situational respect, as in respect for a position? If basic, then I agree with you, but if for the position, maybe you can help me understand the sentiment behind respecting a position, which I genuinely do not understand. My head manager (above my manager that I dislike) I believe is an ENTJ, and he is very adamant about respecting positions. I'm not sure I understand - why would I respect a given title? On one hand, I understand that the owners of the company bestow titles, and by working there I am agreeing to defer to their choices. On the other hand, when it comes to daily interactions, if someone's being an asshole to me, I don't really care what their title is. How do you separate respecting the position from respecting the person? How do you tolerate poor behavior from someone whose position you are supposed to respect?

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