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Thread: Respect for others

  1. #11
    Alchemist of life Array Coriolis's Avatar
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    Apr 2010
    5w6 sp/sx


    Quote Originally Posted by skylights View Post
    Do you mean basic respect, or situational respect, as in respect for a position? If basic, then I agree with you, but if for the position, maybe you can help me understand the sentiment behind respecting a position, which I genuinely do not understand. My head manager (above my manager that I dislike) I believe is an ENTJ, and he is very adamant about respecting positions. I'm not sure I understand - why would I respect a given title? On one hand, I understand that the owners of the company bestow titles, and by working there I am agreeing to defer to their choices. On the other hand, when it comes to daily interactions, if someone's being an asshole to me, I don't really care what their title is. How do you separate respecting the position from respecting the person? How do you tolerate poor behavior from someone whose position you are supposed to respect?
    First, I don't consider that I am supposed to respect anyone. Sometimes I am supposed to show respect, but that is not the same thing as actually having it. It is this often superficial show of respect that I will give to even the most unsatisfactory of bosses. If the practice at work, for instance, is to address the boss as Mr. So-and-So, to copy him on emails involving funding, and to tell him when we leave for the day, I will do these things regardless of how incompetent or obnoxious he is. Moreover, I will not insult or make fun of him behind his back, though I will not sugarcoat his shortcomings when directly asked by higher managers, or when necessary to get something done. Some of this crosses over into basic respect, since I avoid gossip and insulting or ridiculing anyone.

    Yes, if someone is being a jerk, their title or position will not stop me from addressing this, especially if it is making productivity suffer, or causing needless problems. If the jerk is the boss, though, I will do better to keep calling him "Mr. Smith", and give him my candid feedback face-to-face, and privately. If this makes no headway and I need to escalate the problem, I will tell the higher manager or whomever else just the well-documented facts of the situation, again without insult or namecalling. Anything less is just unprofessional, and stooping to the level of the jerk. How such a conflict is handled will certainly affect my respect for the organization.

    As for your last question, I tolerate poor behavior poorly, especially in a manager, teacher, or other authority. But I pick my battles, and see nothing to be gained by showing (not feeling) disrespect. Of course, respect and insult are in the eye of the beholder, and a bad manager (or anyone else) might feel offended by a candid, if civil and private, criticism.
    Hope is the denial of reality. It is the carrot dangled before the draft horse to keep him plodding along in a vain attempt to reach it. We should remove the carrot and walk forward with our eyes open. -- Raistlin Majere

  2. #12
    meh Array Salomé's Avatar
    Join Date
    Sep 2008
    5w4 sx/sp


    It's interesting to me that words like respect and regard both originate from roots which mean simply "to look at". This implies just looking closely at others can engender within us a regard for their basic humanity. For their similarity to us. For recognition of a fellow traveller. I would guess this is the work of those "mirror" neurons said to account for empathy. It's along the same lines as "like" and its relationship with "alike". Propinquity.
    In fact, just looking at any living creature long enough can create well-disposed feelings within us, if we are alive to our own humanity.

    This is why people tend to disrespect those outgroups that they are not familiar with. Because they have never really looked long and hard enough to see the essential alike-ability of everyone. To be disrespected is to become invisible, in one sense.

    In my own case, everyone starts out on a level playing field, (my respect doesn't have to be earned, it is implied) yet I admit to sometimes dismissing others perhaps too quickly for beliefs / comments which strike me as ignorant or ridiculous. I stop being able to see the other person as someone deserving of regard. I literally stop "seeing" them. This is probably a fault.

    Whenever I have been disrespected it is because the other party was unable to see me for who I really am and know myself to be. As such, it has little effect on my self-esteem. However, if you are raised in a society which fundamentally rejects / disrespects something core to your identity, I imagine that would have a significant impact.

    The other meaning of "respect" (deference or to hold in high esteem) I bestow very rarely indeed. In this case, closer inspection almost always reveals the illusory nature of the mirage of superiority.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

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