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  1. #11
    your resident asshole
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    Quote Originally Posted by lenoirvrai View Post
    I think the reason I am so comfortable in leadership positions is because I grew up an only child and had to help take care of my mother since I was five years old. As I got older, she became more ill, and more responsibility fell on my shoulders, nevermind going to school and joining the civic theatre and orchestra and whatnot. I had to be a leader. Actually, Fi is my strongest function.
    Oh sorry! I wasn't being clear. I meant that your "desire to serve/help people" sounds more Fe than Fi.

    Also, I'm a Disney geek, too! My girlfriend and I first met due to our love of Disney, actually. Haha. We were going to go to Disney next week (I'm giving her a commitment ring for her birthday, had a dinner with Lady Tramaine reserved and was going to give her the ring during the fireworks after dinner), but she has to work... despite asking for it off a year ago. Oh well, Olive Garden and a nice hotel will suffice. Anyway... DISNEY ROCKS! 8D
    Ehh well there's always another time. Disney does rock, though.

  2. #12
    your resident asshole
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    Quote Originally Posted by lenoirvrai View Post
    I think the reason I am so comfortable in leadership positions is because I grew up an only child and had to help take care of my mother since I was five years old. As I got older, she became more ill, and more responsibility fell on my shoulders, nevermind going to school and joining the civic theatre and orchestra and whatnot. I had to be a leader. Actually, Fi is my strongest function.
    Oh sorry! I wasn't being clear. I meant that your "desire to serve/help people" sounds more Fe than Fi.

    Also, I'm a Disney geek, too! My girlfriend and I first met due to our love of Disney, actually. Haha. We were going to go to Disney next week (I'm giving her a commitment ring for her birthday, had a dinner with Lady Tramaine reserved and was going to give her the ring during the fireworks after dinner), but she has to work... despite asking for it off a year ago. Oh well, Olive Garden and a nice hotel will suffice. Anyway... DISNEY ROCKS! 8D
    Ehh well there's always another time. Disney does rock, though.

  3. #13
    I drink your milkshake. Thessaly's Avatar
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    People become shy around certain people or in certain situations. They can also become quite gregarious around certain people and certain situations. Basically yes. Don't let the MBTI black and white your mind about behaviors.
    With dreamers, pure and simple, the imagination remains a vaguely sketched inner affair. It is not embodied in any aesthetic or practical invention. Reverie is the equivalent of weak desires. Dreamers are the aboulics of the creative imagination.

  4. #14
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyGeek View Post
    Oh sorry! I wasn't being clear. I meant that your "desire to serve/help people" sounds more Fe than Fi.
    Also, one of the traits of INFPs is that we do love to serve/help people. We make great counselors and caretakers because of it.

  5. #15
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
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    When I was younger I was "made leader" a lot and I didn't know why either. I was/am also asked my input a lot, similar to what the OP described.

    It is NOT because I am difficult. In everyday situations, I care little about most decisions, so I'm pretty easy-going & happy to do whatever. I don't complain about the little things.

    So I realized it came down to this:

    - I'm very quiet, but other people readily volunteer their opinions/preferences. People will ask me for input as a way to know how I feel since I won't volunteer it when everyone else does. I think they're just looking out for the quiet person, so that you feel included & not steamrolled.

    - I can be a bit of a know-it-all, and so people think maybe I do know-it-all . Part of that is the reason detailed below; I find it easy to speculate & form conjectures that turn out to be right/good.

    - I have a lot of ideas, and sometimes I do speak up & offer them, just to throw options out there & get the ball rolling. When a group doesn't know what to do & you're the first person to speak up with an idea, then all of a sudden you're looked at as the leader. When I was a kid in school I always wondered how I became the (often unofficial) leader on projects; it's because I always had the ideas.

    -I'm restless to get things going, so sometimes I get impatient & do take the lead. What I most often do is force someone else to make a decisions, instead of deciding for everyone though.

    I've stopped doing a lot of this, or not so much, because I don't like leading. I've gotten better at leading people to an idea, so that they still lead but things get going.

    As for being the center of attention, I used to find it very embarrassing, yet I would also hate feeling invisible all the time. A part of me wanted to be singled out & another part of me wanted to blend into the walls. I'm more comfortable with the attention now, although I can still feel a tad embarrassed. I can't say it's a position I like to be in often either, and yes, context makes all the difference. I've also realized I actually wanted/want to be singled out by individuals, to be the focus for another person, not the center of a group.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  6. #16
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    I wouldn't say people ask for my input a great deal - usually it's only people that are rather close to me, because they value my opinion more. Others tend to overlook me or simply take control themselves. So I wouldn't say I naturally tend to end up the leader.

    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post
    - I can be a bit of a know-it-all, and so people think maybe I do know-it-all . Part of that is the reason detailed below; I find it easy to speculate & form conjectures that turn out to be right/good.

    - I have a lot of ideas, and sometimes I do speak up & offer them, just to throw options out there & get the ball rolling. When a group doesn't know what to do & you're the first person to speak up with an idea, then all of a sudden you're looked at as the leader. When I was a kid in school I always wondered how I became the (often unofficial) leader on projects; it's because I always had the ideas.

    -I'm restless to get things going, so sometimes I get impatient & do take the lead. What I most often do is force someone else to make a decisions, instead of deciding for everyone though.
    These. I very much identify.

    I would personally add:

    - People are suggesting stupid/unrealistic/counter-productive ideas, until I can't frickin' take it any more and I start to turn into an e1. Sometimes being the only vaguely responsible one with workable ideas can be enough to make you the leader.

    I'm mostly more than willing to be an 'indian'. I don't need to be the boss and to make all the decisions to be happy; actually I find it pretty stressful to have to do that. And like you said OA, I mostly don't care about small details enough to intervene and will gladly go with the flow. I do need to know that there is someone competent in control, because it drives me crazy if I'm instructed to do something I think is nonsensical.

    The main thing that changes me into leader mode is my know-it-all-ness. Sometimes people can have faith in my decision making just because I seem to know more, or know 'what's best' ("seem" being the operative word. I think I know... ), and the appearance of certainty often inspires confidence in others. However, I need to shut the hell up and stop pulling that crap at times. I've realised lately that in certain situations I can become slightly overbearing (eg. pub quizzes ). I'm working on it...

    BTW now that I think of it, I remember as a kid being the one who thought up grand activities when I was playing with my sister and 5 cousins, because I had good ideas. I used to make up crazy games or elaborate stories/situations to act out that could go on for hours, and whenever we were together they always came to me begging me to organise something. The camellia flower war, in particular, was a work of genius, if I do say so myself. We all still talk about it...

    As for being the center of attention, I used to find it very embarrassing, yet I would also hate feeling invisible all the time. A part of me wanted to be singled out & another part of me wanted to blend into the walls. I'm more comfortable with the attention now, although I can still feel a tad embarrassed. I can't say it's a position I like to be in often either, and yes, context makes all the difference. I've also realized I actually wanted/want to be singled out by individuals, to be the focus for another person, not the center of a group.


    I agree with this distinction. I really dislike situations where I'm being looked at too much, but I still want to be included and recognised. I find attention from an individual (or 2) to be more pleasant.

    I remember times when I spoke in front of a group of around 5 or more, such as in an Uni lecture or tutorial; immediately after I finished speaking, I would realise that I was slightly shaky, my mouth was bone dry and my heart was almost beating out of my chest. I would then need 15 minutes to calm down and would sit there regretting half of what I said. So yeah, I'm not good at being the centre of attention.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  7. #17
    Senior Member JivinJeffJones's Avatar
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    I've been in situations where I've been the unofficial leader of groups through no choice of my own. Mostly I think I was seen as the moral compass in situations where rules were clear but whether or not they were worth following was not. Sometimes I think I was the centre of attention for the novelty factor: I rarely made an appearance so when I did it was suddenly a special occasion. Sometimes I was probably just more relaxed in new/unexpected situations, and that made it seem like I knew something they didn't.

    I'm not sure my resolution of the discomfort involved is entirely healthy, but for what it's worth here's where I landed. I decided that social situations and indeed most friendships are transitory, and as such not worth changing who you are over. Most of your life will be spent living in your own head. So it's not worth the hours of wondering why you put on such a facade in a situation which was not (ultimately) that important to you anyway. You have to live with yourself first and foremost. It sounds like a horrible INFP cliche, but be true to yourself. Most of the people you'd like to impress now you won't even remember in 10 years, let alone care about. And chances are good that they'll respect you for your lack of affectation. So if they want your opinion give it to them. If they want you to lead them and you don't want to then tell them. If not leading is not an option than lead your way. If you disappoint them a bit, so what? Life's too short to pretend to be something you aren't, and you will have to answer to yourself about it eventually. In solitude, with nobody else to protect you. Every INFP does.

    That's social situations. Work situations involve different stakes but probably the same outcome. Eventually.

    Don't know if that helps.

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