In regards to the bolded, since I only really have myself as reference, I'm trying to figure out what it is exactly that I seek from my partner to feel stable in the sx-realm, because it's along those lines but I think I would phrase it differently... it's a different kind of mindframe, so to speak. I don't want him to sacrifice his independence nor his self-sufficiency - that would be very disappointing, actually - but I do want to make sure that he considers myself to be part of him. As long as that is true, then I don't have any major fears about our relationship, because being part of him automatically ensures that he will take care of me. I think maybe that melding of identities is very much the purpose of the sx drive, in that one ensures that they will be taken care of by having someone else or something else in part "become" them (and equally, we desire to take care of someone / something else by allowing them to "become" us). I fully understand that my partner is not going to devote himself to me completely, and I'm glad
for that, I don't want him to give in to me completely, but I do want to be a part of him. I think to give an sx-dom stability, you have to let them know that you're so affected by them that you desire to keep them within
yourself, that you want to, in part, belong to them, and have them, in part, belong to you. This jumps ahead a little, but I think perhaps part of the reason that you're okay when you're together is probably that he can see
this while you're together, but it's much harder when you're apart.