I've discovered that I am very much capable of forging a life for myself. That I have a future with a long and gruelling road ahead of me. I'm excited for the challenges to come. So thats a start.
This realisation is coming to fruition after I took a lot of time to figure out how deeply my bad habits run, and how pathetically I can behave, most of all in how I see and interact with the world.
Good intentions aren't enough. Ideologies mean little if they can't be brought to life through action.
My flawed idealistic nature, that needs balance is what I discovered. I have people to thank for that, even here in typoC.
On a more personal note, when taking personality tests, I've always agreed with questions about being very future oriented. When I take a closer look at it, I answer yes because I'm concerned about the future going well for me. By knowing that the future is taken care of, I feel more free to truly enjoy the present. Really, when it comes down to it, I just like to enjoy the present moment without having to think much about the future but it's hard for me to enjoy the present moment if my present actions are going to have disastrous consequences for the future.
So what personality implication does this have? Perhaps I'm more S than I thought I was. I could see SJs having this mindset. I don't think I'm an SP as they would be more likely to have a future be damned attitude or an "I'll cross that bridge when I get there" kind of thinking. Whereas, I'm unlikely to take action unless I know it's likely that it will work in my favor (or if it doesn't I at least I have some a good course of action in mind to take).
On the other hand I could still be NT but I enjoy reading what futurists have to say and imagine what life will be like way in the future even if I don't live to see it. I like reading about new technologies and the exciting possibilities they have.
I think I'm kind of an SJ-NT hybrid in a way.
5w6 or 9w1 sp/so/sx, I think
I'd kind of suspected this for a while, but I discovered recently -- i.e. within the past few months -- that I'm essentially incapable of holding myself to reasonable standards. They're either too low, or too high. Usually too high, but not always, and not to the same degree each time. (It's not predictable.) So, if I can't trust the standards I hold myself to, then I can't really trust myself to judge myself.
In addition to this, I've discovered that I'm so incredibly sp-deficient that I'm completely blind to my own needs, a lot of the time. So, not only can I not trust my own judgments of myself, but I can't trust my judgments regarding how I treat myself. Meaning... Unless I'm dealing with other people, or general things in the external world, I feel completely unmoored. It's bizarre, because I'm used to being certain about things, and now I'm barely certain about anything.
I presume that "this too shall pass", "it's part of growing up", "insert eye-roll-inducing cliche here". But I'm looking forward to a time when my confidence and certainty runs a little bit deeper than skin deep.
"When the mob and the press and the whole world tell you to move, your job is to plant yourself like a tree beside the river of truth, and tell the whole world -- 'No, YOU move.'"
- Captain America
ESTJ - LSE - ESTj (mbti/socionics)
1w2/7w6/3w4 so/sx (enneagram)
lawful good (D&D) / ravenclaw + wampus (HP) / boros legion (M:TG)
conscientious > sensitive > serious (oldham)
want to ask me something? go for it!