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[INFP] Question to INFP's, and capturing people with your eyes.

Tantive

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I have noticed this repeatedly over my lifetime. Whenever someone is speaking/lecturing towards a crowd, and I'm listening...the speaker repeatedly makes eyecontact with me over the duration of the event. Doesn't matter if its 15 or 50 people. It is hard for them to look away.

Has anyone else experienced this?
 

SpankyMcFly

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I have.

I tend to really pay attention when someone or something they are talking about interests me, ok fine, call it staring, quite intently at that. I believe when someone is speaking to a group it is natural to refocus your view on the person who "appears" to be paying attention/gives a rats ass. That's my unsolicited theory and I'm sticking to it.

P.S. Hey wassabi Tantive! Long time no chatty! Come to vent from time to time.
 

PeaceBaby

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Yes, actually. I feel like it's inconsiderate not to pay attention, so I suppose I am diligent about it even if I'm not particularly interested in the topic or the speaker is difficult to listen to.

Sometimes, when the speaker really "latches on" to my attentiveness, I feel stuck that I have to keep on paying good attention! :laugh:

I remember my Grade 6 teacher telling me I was such a great listener and that only served to reinforce the habit I am sure, the compliment certainly made me feel like my attention was appreciated at the time.
 

Nijntje

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yes, i experience this a lot.

although the title of this thread is kinda creepy. and touchy feel-ie, and like it could come from a terrible romance book "And then, raising my lids slowly and looking out from underneath my lashes, i captured him with my eyes" <--- yeah, i just made that up. awesome huh?

rather than the appropriate "Do you find people hold eye contact with you in group situations"
 

Southern Kross

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To do this, I would have to actually look people in the eyes in the first place - which I don't.
 

Firebird 8118

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"And then, raising my lids slowly and looking out from underneath my lashes, i captured him with my eyes" <--- yeah, i just made that up. awesome huh?

Mind if I add that to my signature in your honor? Because this is just awesome! :D
 

Elfa

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Sometimes. I had a physics teacher who kept such a long eye contact it made me feel very awkward. I didn't know if I should look somewhere else or not, so I kept looking - and he also kept looking at me. That was so weird. :mellow:
 

Stanton Moore

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This happens to me. Sometimes other men think I'm picking a fight.
I don't intend this, but it happens.
My pal Christina says it's because I'm a Scorpio.:wink:
 

21%

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Not an INFP, but I sometimes feel the same way!

Sometimes, when the speaker really "latches on" to my attentiveness, I feel stuck that I have to keep on paying good attention! :laugh:
I was always the 'good student' in school so I felt like I had to pay attention (or at least pretend to pay attention). There was one time I was sort of daydreaming in science class, and suddenly the teacher said "Look at how 21% is always paying attention. That's a good example", and it took me a minute to realize that she was serious and thought I was really paying attention and not being sarcastic. Afterwards I felt so guilty I felt obligated to work extra hard for her class for the rest of the term :laugh:
 

pinkgraffiti

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i get the same (and im not an infp), dont know if that helps.
 

tkae.

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Yeah, and I feel bad for phrasing it like this because it sounds so manipulative, but it's probably my main weapon in life as far as social interactions go. Like ENFPs are just magnetic and get people to gravitate towards them and listen to them, xNTJs can bitch slap you with logic, xSTJs can dig in and be stubborn as hell to get their way.

But INFPs are squishy, you know? Our sensitivity and the empathy we're so known for is internal, but eye contact is like a sniper shot. I've had people say it makes them feel like I'm really listening to them in ways nobody else does, or that I have puppy dog eyes that softens them... but whatever it is, when I look them straight in the eyes, it's completely disarming. I've calmed furious people down, I've started up conversations with it, I even had a professor give me an extension on a paper when I did it (I've made it a point not to do that now that I know I can =P)

It's like a harpoon straight to their soul that connects us. But like Southern Kross said, 95% of the time I don't look people in the eyes.
 

Joehobo

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It happens alot, I speculate that it is because I generally maintain eye contact unless it lingers too long to the point of staring.

I hate it when teachers or people who address a group pick up on it and focus on you however. I'm just paying attention, but I am not the only person being addressed.
 

lenoirvrai

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A lot of people are fascinated by my eyes. I've been told they are hypnotic and a few people said they were not able to keep their eyes off of mine. It was like witnessing one of natures most beautiful creations. I still blush at that compliment.

I also love to do crazy eye makeup, such as punk rocker, goth, animal designs, etc. The other day, I created butterfly wings. One wing on each eye. Many people came up to me that day and said how gorgeous I looked.

I don't like eye contact, though. You'd think I wouldn't bring attention to my eyes, but for some reason I do. I think makeup is too much fun. Still, I do not like looking anyone in the eye, nor do I like them looking at me for longer than a few seconds. It makes me very uncomfortable.
 

CrystalViolet

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Cool, you have tractor(you know what I mean) beams in your eyes. Sweet super power.

Ahem, I figured the whole eye contact thing was because I pay attention.
 

Susah

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Heh yes. Can basically confirm what others have said. I don't know if I'm particularly exposed to this, but as I don't tend to take notes, and instead look at lecturers/tutors/whoever I guess that might make them latch on to me a bit more, but then again, because I don't actually like eye contact I probably notice it more - I get very uneasy if they do start looking back and have to look down instead. But I suspect I probably have a tendency to look rather enthralled...
 

Abbey

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Yes!
I love making eye contact with people because I feel like the eyes are what give people life and it makes me feel close to them. For most, it's the only non-neutral colour on their body. Also, eyes move around a lot and are very dominantly used to take in information. You could look at someone's eyes and tell what they're looking at and therefore, sometimes tell what they're thinking.
Many people have told me they feel like I'm looking into their soul, maybe that's a mixture of eye contact + zoning out haha

At lectures in particular, I either make a ton of eye contact if I agree with them, or I don't listen (or pretend not to pay attention) if I don't agree with them to make a point of my approval or disapproval. Now thinking about it, it's actually very rude and I feel kinda bad about it haha
But if it's the former I often feel they're looking at me the most. Maybe it's rooted in self-centeredness though
 

Tyrinth

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At lectures in particular, I either make a ton of eye contact if I agree with them, or I don't listen (or pretend not to pay attention) if I don't agree with them to make a point of my approval or disapproval.

Heh - I do this as well. I don't really like eye contact unless I'm both interested in what someone is saying, and in agreement.
 

OrangeAppled

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I think this may be connected to the "listening" gift that Nardi notes in Fi-dom.

I really, really listen when other people speak. Sure, like any human there are times I'm distracted, daydreaming, or focusing on my own thoughts, but it's not hard for me to become engrossed by a speaker, whether one-on-one or in a crowd. I'm sure I LOOK focused & maybe a tad hypnotized (although I'm not really influenced that easily), and this sort of sucks the person speaking in as much as I've been pulled in to them. In social situations, this can be creepy to people though (I won't elaborate on that here).

When it's a crowd, I think the speaker sees you're one of the people intently listening, and then it's natural for them to start focusing on you (and speakers often, whether naturally or because it's recommended, choose a face or a few to focus on as a technique). So then, as the one listening, you notice they're looking at you a lot. There's eye contact.

I think it's an interesting mix to listen intently & also resist outside influence on your feelings. Especially as a child, I was like a sponge or a spy - I soaked up a lot, I heard a lot, I observed a lot.... but it didn't directly affect me. This is probably Pe to some degree to & why Fi valuations aren't formed in a bubble. You note things, and Fi gives dignity to others by valuing them enough to listen, but it's your own internal scale that decides the weight of what's being heard. So it's like, someone says, "XYZ is important!" and what I take home is "XYZ" and decide what meaning it has. I notice many other people (usually Je types) will hear the same thing, but either reject or accept the importance of XYZ as a whole, not assigning it their own meaning. Since I'm not focused on rejecting/accepting when listening, I',m just, well, listening & this becomes apparent & sometimes attractive to the speaker.
 

PeaceBaby

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I think it's an interesting mix to listen intently & also resist outside influence on your feelings. Especially as a child, I was like a sponge or a spy - I soaked up a lot, I heard a lot, I observed a lot.... but it didn't directly affect me. This is probably Pe to some degree to & why Fi valuations aren't formed in a bubble. You note things, and Fi gives dignity to others by valuing them enough to listen, but it's your own internal scale that decides the weight of what's being heard. So it's like, someone says, "XYZ is important!" and what I take home is "XYZ" and decide what meaning it has. I notice many other people (usually Je types) will hear the same thing, but either reject or accept the importance of XYZ as a whole, not assigning it their own meaning. Since I'm not focused on rejecting/accepting when listening, I',m just, well, listening & this becomes apparent & sometimes attractive to the speaker.

Yes, I like this - to me, it's listening without judgement, just soaking it in and dealing with what was heard later. I do agree it's very attractive to be listened to in this way, and I think I mentioned in this thread already that sometimes I have trouble maintaining focus the whole time, especially when I am aware the speaker has latched onto my attention. It then feels impolite to look away for any extended period, like that would infer some sort of rejection and may undermine their confidence in delivering the message. And I want to be sensitive to the speaker by not sending mixed messages to them. Being so aware (and continually affected) of all the information I receive from other people makes me want to send that reassurance to the speaker since public speaking is, for most people, challenging.
 
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