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Thread: Help me with my ENFP friend...

  1. #1

    Unhappy Help me with my ENFP friend...

    I have an ENFP female friend that is having a terrible issue with romantic relationships. I don't know, there is some duality in her mind that is kind of stressing her out, she asks for my help, but I don't see how I can help her effectively...

    Well the problem is: she wants to have a serious long-term relationship, but her relationships don't last more than one month. In the past it didn't last for her conscious fault, she started to destroy her relationship and then breaking up, with a heavy "grass is greener" attitude towards other guys. But now she changed her attitude and tries to mantain a good relationship and make them "longer" with the guys she dates, but she ends breaking up early the same way... She is annoyed by it, she even "apologized" (?) for me and my boyfriend saying she was sorry for dating so many guys and thanking for our patience with her all this time. She wants to have long, serious relationships now, but she ends up attracting psychologically unstable guys that ruins her emotional life. Firstly the guy is "the love of her life" then all the things turns out to be a nightmare.

    How can I help her with this? It's being hard for me seeing her like this and without know how to counsel her effectively...
    Last edited by Rosabel; 09-19-2012 at 12:23 PM.

  2. #2
    i love Array skylights's Avatar
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    Jul 2010
    6w7 so/sx
    EII Ne


    Well, it's been a while since you posted this, but I figured I'd reply anyway. This pattern seems, to me, very typically Ne in terms of seeing something, idealizing it, diving headfirst into it, reveling in it, suddenly realizing all its real flaws, and then blasting off again in search of a new opportunity. We so much want to see things in terms of ideals, and it's so hard for us to adjust to reality. I think one key here is that you've recognized this -

    Quote Originally Posted by Rosabel
    she ends up attracting psychologically unstable guys that ruins her emotional life
    Perhaps the best help that you could give her is to aid her in figuring out why she is drawn to the kind of guy that ruins her emotionally - why she is drawn to instability (perhaps she finds it alluring, mysterious, exciting, keeps her guessing, etc). And then from there maybe you could help her try to limit herself more to guys who have the allure that she must have but less potential to harm her.

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