I think NFJs in particular have a certain sensitivity to cues that suggest some 'why'; it’ll seem ‘clear’ why someone said or did something- and it even takes a little effort to back up and separate the ‘why’ (the instant impression that pops into our head) from what’s actually in front of us. I think many of us learn to try to disregard it or pencil it in as a very tentative possibility instead of reacting to it directly though because it’s rather presumptuous- as fid pointed out, a great deal of it is simply making sense of others' actions by attaching what it would mean if we did it ourselves, and while that is *somewhat* reliable it isn’t anywhere near fool-proof. But my point is, I think NFJs are flooded with 'whys' in a way that others aren't. It’s important to take responsibility for it and clear up the possibilities we are flooded with, but it’s not really a choice to see ‘whys’ all over the place. [With NFPs, sensitivity tends to center more around the 'whats'.]
As an example (not of me, but of my INFJ son reading into things): when my son was learning to drive a couple of years ago, he had a hard time focusing on driving because of cues going on in the car. I was grabbing the door handle and/or that roof handle thingie when he turned corners to brace myself- not hard, but just enough that he noticed and it made him anxious and he kept asking me to stop doing it. I explained he was doing a great job with turning corners, and that I wasn’t holding onto the door more than I usually do at corners- it was just that he was never in the front seat with me before so he never noticed- but he still had a hard time with it and kept reacting as though I was actually chiding him with “Slow down, your turning too fast!” After a couple of hours he got used to it and was able to tune it out- I think it became believable to him when I consistently held onto the handles every single time he turned, no matter how slowly he went- but at first, seeing this out of the corner of his eye was kinda the same as me actually saying something to him (and it was hard for him to immediately believe otherwise when I directly told him he was good at turning corners because the cues strongly suggested the contrary).
So anyway, this sensitivity to cues is a hindrance in relationships sometimes because it puts a lot of restrictions on who I can form genuine relationships with/who I can feel comfortable around. And it’s why- as fid has said so many times- it’s incredibly important that I be able to ask people and clear up possibilities about those cues because it’s agitating to feel like there’s an elephant in the room that I’m not allowed to ask about or that I have to make sense of on my own- it feels disrespectful and presumptuous to do that. It's clearly there to me and I don't like defining it all by myself. When I sense certain topics are invasive to someone, or that it’s agitating to bring them up, I have to keep them at a distance to minimize this automatic urge to make sense of the pieces- the more I distance someone, the more I can leave those ‘whys’ open-ended and make no presumptions about them. But then I really do have to keep them at a distance or the ‘white noise’ it creates gets too distracting. Like with my sister (who is either ISTP or ISTJ, I think), she does not want to discuss a lot of things and gets angry at me for even trying to clear things up- so I have to shut off caring about a lot of things that I don't like being indifferent about.....but I seriously can't handle someone being very important to me while not being able to clear up the things that occur to me. It’s kind of like the game Tetris- where the pieces fall and I have to decide what to do with them, where to put them based on what makes sense/where they ‘fit’- and if I can’t directly ask a person about it when a piece looks like it doesn’t fit anywhere, or if that person routinely tells me something that doesn’t make sense or gets angry that I’m even asking- I have to avoid the person because it’s just too confusing to deal with them. I can't stop the pieces from coming simply because they other person doesn't want me to acknowledge they're there.
Originally Posted by JivinJeffJonesOriginally Posted by bologna
All this^, an absolutely essential aspect of ‘insight’ is accepting and taking responsibility for the extent to which interpretation of the cues could be wrong.