User Tag List

First 123 Last

Results 11 to 20 of 22

  1. #11
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    I think the reason that INFPs and INFJs put things off are very different, even though to some the result could look the same. For me too, it has to do with a nebulous kind of fear of not doing as well as I envision the result should be or disappointing someone else. I can even understand in my head that putting something off or avoiding it has worse (and potentially more disappointing to others) consequences in my life than not making a perfect job of it, but it still is difficult when I'm really emotionally invested to get over it and get on with the job.

    Sometimes Ni just brings things into better focus at the end so I can easily complete the task (it's answered the questions that were paralyzing my progress), sometimes it's a matter of seeing the problem in better perspective so I am not so emotionally involved and can see what I need to do, sometimes I find having a very different type of person than myself helping me can be useful (as long as they stick with me for the whole process - otherwise I run into more unaswered paralyzing quandries down the road). I'm much better as I've grown older. Breaking the task down into manageable chunks can help still some of the rising panic and getting on with it rather than waiting for something to change. As I've gotten older I also find that I can see other people's negative opinions of me as not being the very end of the world, even if I still find that uncomfortable.

    For what it's worth, I'm an enneagram 1w2 or 2w1 as well.

  2. #12
    ISFJophile zelo1954's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2012
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp
    Socionics
    LII
    Posts
    218

    Default

    [QUOTE=Ribonuke;1950689] @zelo1954 I had trouble accepting I was an INFJ, so I explored INFP for a while. But it didn't seem to fit and the more I looked at INFJ, the more it made sense. What makes me come across as an INFP, tho?

    Fidelia makes an excellent point. When I reread your OP what I see now (about the paper issue) is that you don't want to disappoint other people rather than that you are concerned about what other people think of you In the former you are engaging Fe whereas in the latter you would be engaging Fi. If you are absolutely certain of your real motives about this issue then that is an INFJ thing. OTOH, your second issue about hitting on someone you find attractive still sounds to me the way round I originally thought - you are worried about the effect on yourself. Any thoughts? Fidelia?
    Cognitive functions:
    Fi (95%); Ti (90%); Ne (75%); Fe (60%); Ni (50%); Si (50%); Te (15%); Se (5%)

    "INFP values but INTP skills" describes me best of all

  3. #13
    i love skylights's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jul 2010
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    6w7 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII Ne
    Posts
    7,835

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Ribonuke View Post
    I've just realized I have some horrible, HORRIBLE unresolved perfectionist tendencies that are keeping me from getting the most out of my life.

    I can't focus on writing a paper. I can't muster up the courage to hit on someone I find attractive. Blah blah etc. All because I'm worried about not doing a good enough job.
    I have tendencies like that, too, INFJ though I am not. I have trouble getting things done because I want the end result to be as good as possible because I feel ashamed in front of others otherwise - I've always been particularly bad about that in terms of schoolwork and my professors' opinions of me.

    I know Tilty was joking about the Fukitol but that's really true in some aspects. I think for me, a lot of times, it's easier to start by telling myself "okay, I am just going to write a draft for this paper", or "okay, I am just going to go introduce myself to the new guy", instead of "I'm going to write a masterpiece for my English final" or "I'm going to begin the picture-perfect romance with this handsome man". I think there's part of us as NFs that really aspires to that beautiful, final ideal, but it's always so much easier in our heads. Reality is messier and takes more steps... so it's kind of easier to approach reality in a messier, step-by-step way. If you give yourself an easy incremental goal for the "first step", the mission as a whole becomes manageable, especially as you begin to get more engaged with the project and as you watch yourself succeed. Set the bar at an easy height to begin with and blow yourself out of the water. :]

  4. #14
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    663

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Che Bloggs View Post
    Is there anything that you can do consistently to the degree of perfection you desire?
    I completely, utterly and sadly relate to your issues. Oy oy oy oy!

    What's worse is the thud of my hand hitting my head when I finally do something and get it somehow wrong, but wrong in the tiniest of ways. Then I take full blame on myself. Then tell people about it. Then look like a halfwit.

    The answer is there is no absolute standard of perfection. Rather, there is a relative standard of perfection.

    'Was that the best I could do with the information I had at the time?' The answer has to be yes, right? because you are always trying the hardest you can. You are no halfwit slacker.

    I get myself to do things by telling myself I will get in more trouble if I don't do anything, and I dislike getting in trouble. I also tell myself that no lives will be lost.

  5. #15
    In orbit
    Join Date
    Jul 2011
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    4w3 sx
    Posts
    291

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    You need a prescription for Fukitol. Take two Fuckitol and just write the paper. Take another two and just talk to the girl. etc., repeat as needed.

    Customer testimonials for Fukitol:
    "Fukitol really saved my life. Before Fukitol I was a real mess. I felt anxious and unsure of myself, but a daily double dose of Fukitol cured me of my insecurities. Thank you Fukitol. -Reverie"

  6. #16
    yap yap yap xenaprincess's Avatar
    Join Date
    Oct 2011
    MBTI
    infp
    Enneagram
    6w5
    Posts
    663

    Default

    In terms of the attractive person, in that situation, I'd ask myself, do I find that person attractive? that specific person right there? If yes, then act on it. If no, then leave it/him/her alone.

    In Price is Right when Door #1 is open, who's to say whether Door #2 is better? it might be a beat up jalopy. All you can do is react to what you know right now, ie; reality. Not some ideal out there or in your head.

    It would help for you to hang out with some really practical people, or to try to live in the 'now' moment. Or hang out with pets. Immerse yourself in the 'Now'.

    I suggest yoga or other physical stuff. Yoga stretches out your muscles, releasing toxins and with exercise, you are in the Now. You pretty much stop thinking. Think of it as detaching from your N parts and immersing in the S parts. Try other things like cooking, photography, crafts, etc. Don't browse on the internet, which is open-ended and passive. Actively DO something.

    I have the same feelings. Making more mistakes in life on a daily basis helps, and being in a more public situation. I used to feel such internal pain, like my body was attacking itself. I'd lose sleep, I felt like I had a virus. Things like making small errors would do that to me.

    Now, smaller errors don't phase me anymore, even public ones. I say 'oops' and move onto the next thing. Slightly larger misunderstandings still have a hold on me (I am awake now at 4:30 because of a minor work misunderstanding).

  7. #17
    Senior Member
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    MBTI
    ISFP
    Enneagram
    2 so/sx
    Posts
    455

    Default

    Perhaps because Ti is a need for the absolute Truth and is perfectionist in itself? Perhaps in a similar way that I can say Fi is anxiety.

    I've been thinking lately about how Ti perfectionism and Ni "consequences-for-life-from-what-I-decide-now" come alive together. I'd imagine Se can play the "Fukitol" role here in a similar way that it does for ISTPs and their Ti-Ni loops.

    If anybody feels like there might be truth in this, perhaps check what tricks dom and aux Ti people have developed to get out of perfectionism and allow themselves to make mistakes. I've found such an approach very helpful for myself.

  8. #18
    Society
    Guest

    Default

    as a general rule of thumbs, the main delusion of P's is an over confidence in one's competence, and the main delusion of Js is an over confidence in one's conclusions. generally speaking those are fallacies to be avoided, but self delusions have their benefits, they make handling certain aspects of life easier, its why people embrace them in the first place, and we each end up having to cope with the reality that isn't so easily masked by the delusion the other enjoys, while ironically, it is the other side that is gaining all the life experience of cooping with the consequences of their delusion.

    so for perfectionist J's i'll simply say: reality will forgive you for fucking up, but there's nothing there to forgive you for not trying.

    take from that what you will.

  9. #19
    Iron Maiden fidelia's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2009
    MBTI
    INFJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Posts
    11,106

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Istbkleta View Post
    Perhaps because Ti is a need for the absolute Truth and is perfectionist in itself? Perhaps in a similar way that I can say Fi is anxiety.

    I've been thinking lately about how Ti perfectionism and Ni "consequences-for-life-from-what-I-decide-now" come alive together. I'd imagine Se can play the "Fukitol" role here in a similar way that it does for ISTPs and their Ti-Ni loops.

    If anybody feels like there might be truth in this, perhaps check what tricks dom and aux Ti people have developed to get out of perfectionism and allow themselves to make mistakes. I've found such an approach very helpful for myself.
    Definitely, I've concluded the issue is a Ni-Ti loop. If I remember correctly, Udog suggested that using the aux function is generally the way to get out of a dom-tert loop. I'll need to think more about how that would be done, but it's an idea that I think is worth considering.

    As far as being interested in someone and not acting on it, it has more to do (for me) with messing up opportunities in the future with that person, than fear of what they think of me. Ni offers many possible avenues one could take. For me, the way to pick a course of action is to extrapolate what the end result may be by figuring out the most likely series of back and forth "moves" the parties involved will make. Like with a chess game, I like to be able to see what impact one choice I make would have on the next several moves before I commit to a certain action.

    Particularly if I really like someone, I'm aware that some choices could result in other doors closing and so I like to think out how things would go if I took a particular course of action. Although no one can know the future for sure, Ni uses observation as a powerful predictor of what is likely to happen in various circumstances. However, it takes awhile to gather that sort of information.

    INFJs have more of a tendancy to avoid jumping in to anything until they know exactly what to expect in response (and they have decided how they would respond in turn). Only then are they are likely to approach someone. In my life, most of my friendships and relationships were initiated by the other person, even though I am a friendly and not particularly shy person. It's just that I tend to hang back for awhile at first because I like to know what to expect. In the last few years, I've started working on that tendancy because I don't think it always serves me well - I've missed out on some good friendships and gotten into other ones that maybe wouldn't have happened had I been acting more proactively.
    Last edited by fidelia; 09-14-2012 at 09:28 AM.

  10. #20
    Senior Member Ribonuke's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2012
    MBTI
    esTP
    Enneagram
    845 sp/so
    Socionics
    SLE Ti
    Posts
    257

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    as a general rule of thumbs, the main delusion of P's is an over confidence in one's competence, and the main delusion of Js is an over confidence in one's conclusions. generally speaking those are fallacies to be avoided, but self delusions have their benefits, they make handling certain aspects of life easier, its why people embrace them in the first place, and we each end up having to cope with the reality that isn't so easily masked by the delusion the other enjoys, while ironically, it is the other side that is gaining all the life experience of cooping with the consequences of their delusion.

    so for perfectionist J's i'll simply say: reality will forgive you for fucking up, but there's nothing there to forgive you for not trying.

    take from that what you will.
    Wow...interesting philosophy...I'll have to keep that in mind.

    Quote Originally Posted by xenaprincess View Post
    In terms of the attractive person, in that situation, I'd ask myself, do I find that person attractive? that specific person right there? If yes, then act on it. If no, then leave it/him/her alone.

    In Price is Right when Door #1 is open, who's to say whether Door #2 is better? it might be a beat up jalopy. All you can do is react to what you know right now, ie; reality. Not some ideal out there or in your head.

    It would help for you to hang out with some really practical people, or to try to live in the 'now' moment. Or hang out with pets. Immerse yourself in the 'Now'.

    I suggest yoga or other physical stuff. Yoga stretches out your muscles, releasing toxins and with exercise, you are in the Now. You pretty much stop thinking. Think of it as detaching from your N parts and immersing in the S parts. Try other things like cooking, photography, crafts, etc. Don't browse on the internet, which is open-ended and passive. Actively DO something.

    I have the same feelings. Making more mistakes in life on a daily basis helps, and being in a more public situation. I used to feel such internal pain, like my body was attacking itself. I'd lose sleep, I felt like I had a virus. Things like making small errors would do that to me.

    Now, smaller errors don't phase me anymore, even public ones. I say 'oops' and move onto the next thing. Slightly larger misunderstandings still have a hold on me (I am awake now at 4:30 because of a minor work misunderstanding).
    Aha...yeah, I noticed a lot of people are giving me relationship advice to act on it anyway.

    Here's the thing though...I'm worried about making them feel uncomfortable by hitting on them? I'm not so much concerned about worrying that I will do something morally 'wrong', but I always catch myself flipping to their perspective and wondering if I'm doing anything that is making them feel uncomfortable by being too talkative or forthright.

    Here's what also doesn't help, if I haven't mentioned it: I am gay. Like, I am only remotely attracted in the physical way to other women; I've tried it with guys, and while we tend to click in personality, I just feel physically repulsed. So there's also THAT matter of awkwardness, because I understand that the odds that anyone I find attractive would be interested in me would be very...VERY low. So other girls tend to place me in the 'friendzone' by default. And I'm also in some way a 'chapstick lesbian', meaning I'm not very feminine, but not particularly androgynous either. My interests are certainly more androgynous and 'heady' by default.

    So yeah. I WISH it were as simple as just being upfront about it, but I worry too much about creating a painfully--in the literal way--awkward situation for the both of us, and destroying any chance of keeping them as a friend.

Similar Threads

  1. [INFJ] Do unhealthy INFJs have a tendency towards this kind of behavior?
    By Grizzly On The Loose in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 52
    Last Post: 04-10-2012, 10:29 AM
  2. [INTP] INTP with INFJ tendencies...Anybody else?
    By Phoenix_400 in forum The NT Rationale (ENTP, INTP, ENTJ, INTJ)
    Replies: 48
    Last Post: 06-01-2010, 02:02 AM
  3. [INFJ] INFJ's horrible communication skills
    By ntgirl in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 02-11-2010, 08:22 PM
  4. [MBTItm] ESFP..with INFJ tendencies??
    By totallypsycho in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 19
    Last Post: 08-29-2009, 10:19 AM
  5. Is it possible to be an INFJ with INTP tendencies?
    By aic in forum What's my Type?
    Replies: 20
    Last Post: 09-05-2008, 12:02 AM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO