Hi everyone I'm an INFJ and I'm kind of dating an ENFJ I'll explain now. I'm a 19 year old bisexual male (sorry if that makes you uncomfortable) and this guy that I've been seeing I'm very sure is an ENFJ. Being an INFJ with intuition I've been able to work out that he's at least bisexual also, and so I've made huge efforts to try and pursue a relationship with him. We're both 'closeted' i guess, him more so.
I told him through Facebook that I've had an ex boyfriend just to let him know that I was gay, and he was perfectly fine with it. He didn't tell me through any method that he's interested in men in any way and still hasn't 3 months after. I've heard this is a common thing among ENFJs about not wanting to expose yourself? I've been extremely honest with him and I'm still in shock that he won't tell me, cos I'm absolutely convinced he's attracted to me. So its been weird, its like we're dating but he hasn't told me. You'll have to trust me that he's somewhat interested in me. The problem is it has felt like a constant battle because although I feel he very strongly would want a relationship with me, I think he's constantly fighting how other people perceive him and i feel every time we communicate he's either really forthcoming or he's holding back as if someone's secretly listening. He changes when he's around different people, for example when he's around his badminton club he's rather more feminine and 'real' is guess than when he's around his basketball friends where he very much butches up and constantly says which girls are fit etc. yeah its hard for me to watch.
I told him how my relationship with my ex was rather secret and that hardly anyone knows to try and make him more comfortable with the idea and I've also talked about how you just need to do things regardless of what other people think and I think it's worked to some extent. Is there anything else I can do? I genuinely have this feeling that he really would want a relationship but feels he can't because it'd affect his social standing which I've heard is essential to ENFJs so much so that they neglect their own needs somewhat. Is there anything I can do or is this a lost cause?