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  1. #1
    Member CreativeCait's Avatar
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    Default Reconcilling Masculine Steriotypes/Expectations and NFness in women...wait...what?

    So I've just had an epiphany and put two and two together about my uncomfortableness with being INFP. It's partly a gender thing. Would love to hear other Fs perspectives on gender identity and being Fdom.

    I am female but was raised by my mother only from a very young age. As I grew up, I was expected, sumwhat, to take on certain tasks that had been my fathers domain. These were physical tasks as well as supportive ones that in a 'traditional' family could be considered masculine.

    Consequences of this led me to have a more masculine or 'tough' persona, to be strong for my family. For instance, my mother cried and was emotional, but I wasn't (or so I convinced myself). I was rational and fixed problems logically as they arised. I denied feelings, was ashamed of them and tried to pretend they didn't exist.

    Fast-forward to now and I'm way more comfortable with my feeling side and domFi. However, the fact that I am pretty much made of marshmellow and feel great emotional reactions irritates me no end and sits very uncomfortably with me. I'm forever cringing at my mushyness. I feel like I should be the practical fixer and stoic one, not the "silly" INFP crying in the corner because an ant got stepped on. Well, stupid example but I assume you get what I'm on about...

    I've read that male INFPs can have a hard time with fitting in alongside masculine steriotypes and expectations. I would like to hear how other people from any types have experienced this?? And also if other females in particular have encountered similar issues?

  2. #2
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    I think I dodged a bullet on this subject. ENFP males are supposed to have very big issues with gender expectations and expression, mine are only very small ones. I think it has to do with the fact that my father is INFP and was the nurturing one in my family. So, I never felt less male because I am NF. I grew up in a somewhat tough, inexpressive situation.. so for me expression is something that came later. Toughness and inexpressiveness was something I learned, but I never strongly linked it to gender.

  3. #3
    morose bourgeoisie
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    Read The Highly Sensitive Person by Elaine Aron. It will make you feel better about a lot of this.

    I bet the things you try to hide are secretly admired by others. I was shocked to discover that in my own life.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Wolfie's Avatar
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    Well on the flip side everyone has to deal emotions, but some aren't quite as in touch with them, which can be a problem on its own. They may be stoic and strong on the outside, but not so well adjusted internally. Unfortunately, emotions can get icky for all of us, not just NFs

    Read: You're not alone.
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  5. #5
    Senior Member IceBlock's Avatar
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    I have been in this dillemma already, and this guy @stalemate helped me a looooooooooooooot, and he's a NF like you and me. Not sure if he's still around though.

    Here, my issue could maybe help yours: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...67#post1881367

  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by IceBlock View Post
    I have been in this dillemma already, and this guy @stalemate helped me a looooooooooooooot, and he's a NF like you and me. Not sure if he's still around though.

    Here, my issue could maybe help yours: http://www.typologycentral.com/forum...67#post1881367
    That's cool man, glad I could help. I'm still around.

  7. #7
    Post Human Post Qlip's Avatar
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    Oh, sorry, just carefully read the OP and realized you're specifically asking for female NFs who have to deal with filling a masculine role. I wish I could help.. maybe somebody else has experienced similar situations.

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    Quote Originally Posted by CreativeCait View Post
    I feel like I should be the practical fixer and stoic one, not the "silly" INFP crying in the corner because an ant got stepped on. Well, stupid example but I assume you get what I'm on about...

    I've read that male INFPs can have a hard time with fitting in alongside masculine steriotypes and expectations. I would like to hear how other people from any types have experienced this?? And also if other females in particular have encountered similar issues?
    There is no should, or should not. There is just you.

    I know it is easy for me to say, but it is really how I try to be. I'm a 34 year old guy, and I sit around once a week and cry when The Biggest Loser is on. And you know what? I don't care. I actually like it. I don't try to hide it or anything, I just put the mushiness out there. We are all so complicated and multifaceted, there isn't much use worrying about your innate characteristics.

    It doesn't feel like much of a helpful response, kind of feels like a cop out really, but I don't know how else to say it.

    EDIT: I know why it feels like an unhelpful cop out of an answer. I have trouble giving advice on the subject because I don't feel a struggle with the original issue. Maybe somehow my attitude can help you get a new perspective though.

  9. #9
    Post-Humorously stalemate's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Qlip View Post
    Oh, sorry, just carefully read the OP and realized you're specifically asking for female NFs who have to deal with filling a masculine role. I wish I could help.. maybe somebody else has experienced similar situations.
    I think she was just asking about either type having to deal with the same general masculine stereotype kind of problem. Male or female.

  10. #10
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    I'm realizing that I'm kind of struggling with the reverse a little bit in an odd way. I've been working out a lot and getting into pretty decent shape. For the first time in my life I am getting some muscle definition going.

    There is a part of me that is worried about this because I'm afraid I will look more masculine than I feel, and that it will somehow change the way people interact with me and I will be thrust into some super masculine chest thumping world. Like my true personality won't be as well received if it comes in a physically stronger wrapping.

    Completely irrational. At this point I'm just trying to keep that from letting me sabotage myself.

    So yeah, apparently I do have some issues in this area.

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