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  1. #1
    Member DisneyFanGirl's Avatar
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    Default ENFP and ENTP relationship

    There have been threads on this before but I'm in a relationship with an ENTP and it's a blast! We've been going out for almost 4 months and had been friends for 2 years before that. I've read that this relationship falls flat on its face for a variety of reasons. But I think differently. Here are the most common reasons I've heard:

    1. Fi/Fe conflict: We've had this and it is an issue but it absolutely can be overcome. He understands that he can't just Fe-splode at me and I understand that I have to be a bit more expressive with my emotions so he's on the same page as me.

    2. Ti/Te conflict: We've never had this problem. About the only related issue we've had is that my love language is words of affirmation and he's having some trouble with that. My other love language is quality time and he shares that one so I don't feel unloved or anything. I do talk more than he does but I love hearing what comes from Ti.

    3. Masive burn out: Not going to lie, the honeymoon is over. We've had lots of conflicts and we've argued a fair amount. But we've stuck with it and our relationship is more solid than ever.

    4. Both parties are irresponsible: We're irresponsible in opposite ways. He's terrible at planning and time management, I'm not bad at it. I'm terrible at knowing when to buckle down and be serious or get work done, he's pretty good at it. If we split tasks between us, everything will get done and we'll have time for fun, which we both prefer.

    5. ENTPs are too cold/ENFPs are too emotional: An unhealthy ENTP will be argumentative and probably will hurt the ENFP. An unhealthy ENFP will be emotionally manipulative and the ENTP will get tired of it. Two healthy people of those types will do neither and as long as communication is a priority, it shouldn't be an issue.

    I've got to say, I personally think that it's an iffy match. On one hand, if you find an ENFP or ENTP who shares all your Si-related weaknesses, this is going to crash and burn because nothing will get done. If you're an ENFP who doesn't know how to express your emotions in a logical, straightforward way that the ENTP can understand, the relationship will fall apart. But if you can get past the differences, you can enjoy the Ne/Ne connection and it can be a real blast, the kind of relationship that will last a lifetime.

    What are your thoughts?

  2. #2
    Listening Oaky's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyFanGirl View Post

    What are your thoughts?
    Time.

  3. #3
    Senior Member boondocked's Avatar
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    I love this combo, but couldn't make it work myself. Life with my ENTP was brilliant and hectic...after a while, it felt like we were pinwheeling, fast and faster and then too fast. My situation was a bit similar to yours, DisneyFanGirl, in that we were friends a long while before we were anything else. The friendship base made for a largely great relationship, but we did run into game-ending problems:

    1. Fe/Fi conflict - Yup, had this. I agree, it can be overcome. Actually, it was sort of a cool divide...I developed a weather eye for valuable social conventions and he learned to suss out and then express how he felt. We scrapped about the divide during fights, but on the whole, I think it's a win.

    2. Te/Ti conflict - Not really a problem for us either! He liked to tease me for Te, tho. Apparently I get this srs bidness look on my face when I'm Te-ing that he finds hi-lar-ious

    3. Massive burnout - This is what ended us. Holy piles of Ne! We barely slept! We would frequently talk until one of us lost our voice. We took (very) impromptu visits to far away places. In fact, he asked me to the North Pole one morning and I just barely had the good sense to go to work instead. It was intense, and not sustainable. We would both agree that it was a good idea to settle down a bit, go slower, allow mundanity. We'd agree to this and then link hands and go running out to find another adventure. I've never had a relationship at that velocity before and even though it's been a week or so since we broke up I still feel dizzy, like I hopped off a merry-go-round. Your mileage may vary, but Ne+Ne mayyyy be a bit much for me (especially since my boyfriend previous to the ENTP was ENFP -- I need a massive, Odin-style nap to recover from all the Ne).

    4. Irresponsible parties - We had plenty of those . But seriously, we didn't have much trouble there either. We were both pretty independent and used to handling our lives, and being together didn't change that. Maybe it would have been different had we lived together, having to share responsibilities?

    5. ENTPs are too cold/ENFPs are too emotional - Eh, didn't really have this problem. We were in love, we were both pretty emotional. Moreover, I really like intellectual debate, and I think that gave us both a release to be combative/cold in "safe" ways that were more impersonal and kept us from turning contentious energy on our relationship. Who knows, if we had lasted past five months, this issue might have cropped up.

    You know, regardless of how we ended (sadly, calmly, and as friends, somehow), I still have a lot of hope for this kind of partnership. While it was on, it was transcendent. If you can build a stable life around you, I don't think it has to fall apart the way it did for me and my ENTP. There is something to the ENTP/ENFP relationship that amplifies everything - all thoughts are bigger, all feelings are moar, all moments have significance. But you can't live like that all of the all the time, so it's probably good to have everything else in life be on a more level, stable, even-keel. We didn't have that.

    /heartpour

    Annnnnyways, best of luck DisneyFanGirl!! You seem thoughtful and willing to put in the work, and as long as your still having fun and growing closer, I think you stand as good a shot as anybody in making your relationship a lasting one.

  4. #4
    Senior Member UniqueMixture's Avatar
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    I actually think it can work if they can each keep their ehos in check that is not always possible though.
    For all that we have done, as a civilization, as individuals, the universe is not stable, and nor is any single thing within it. Stars consume themselves, the universe itself rushes apart, and we ourselves are composed of matter in constant flux. Colonies of cells in temporary alliance, replicating and decaying and housed within, an incandescent cloud of electrical impulses. This is reality, this is self knowledge, and the perception of it will, of course, make you dizzy.

  5. #5
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    My Mother is an ENFP and my father is an ENTP, they divorced after three years.
    Apparently the first year was like magic.

    It's just one very real example but from experience talking with and listening to others the best way i can explain it is Atom Bomb. Just have yourself a bunker for the fallout.

    There are always exception though so good luck with it, i truely hope it works out for you.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  6. #6
    Member DisneyFanGirl's Avatar
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    Actually the burnout is why I thought about breaking up with him a while back. The first couple months were magic, so exciting, so adventurous... but then we settled. He's back in school and barely has time for me. I'm working and I wish I could spend time with him. We don't talk as long or as deeply as we once did. In fact, it's really settled into the kind of relationship anyone could have. It's not nearly as intense or insane as it was before. Both of us have had to develop lesser functions to make it work though. He's taking the necessary sensor role, I'm taking the necessary judger role.

    It's also rather important to point out that I'm teetering on the edge of being an INFP. I'm shy and I don't like going out in public or being in front of people (unless I'm in a play). I have ridiculously strong Fi and can sometimes hide in that instead of getting into the action. My Fi also can sometimes act like Ti (I've started testing as having strong Ti). So I've been reading up on the ENTP/INFP relationship as well because ours functions as that as well.

    We're in our 20s and we know we've got to be practical and settle down. We tend to use Ne for little things, like dancing randomly in Wal-Mart or making fun of each other (in a nice way of course). I've found myself acting more like a judger with him. I like knowing the next time I'm going to see him and getting warning before we go on our crazy adventures (he once invited me to go on a trip that would involve a 2 hour drive the day before we'd have had to go and I had to turn it down because I had to work).

    It's like I said, it's a very iffy match. It can absolutely be done. But you need a unique couple, one that's willing to be practical and to stick with it after they burn out (I know as a fact that you can absolutely ignite the flame again after burning out so, really, burning out is more of a temporary thing). I'm starting to see that it's really not for everyone. In fact, I'd say it's not for most ENFPs or ENTPs, the Ne seems to be too much for either one to handle. I do know another male ENTP and he's definitely not for me so it takes a special guy to have this mad connection. I love my boyfriend, he's been a real blessing. I don't really think you can accurately say that 2 types won't work out. I mean both of us have parents whose types are known to crash and burn (his parents are ENTP and ESFJ and mine are INTP and ISFJ). We can do it.

  7. #7
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    It's interesting because I'd love an ENFP in my life right about now..

    At one point in my life I wanted an INFJ and I got it.. it was during my university years and that was great because I needed the focus and steadiness.

    Now that I am living more of a chaotic life where things are constantly changing I'd like someone who is agile and in the moment the way I am. Sometimes my thirst for adventure consumes everything else and I want someone who is equally able to swiftly put everything to the side and come along. None of this scheduling things in.. I have my own business and schedules seems to be what a task master or working for someone looks like.

    Anyways, I think its about the context really. Each and every one of us falls within a different content and an ENTP and ENFP relationship can work great in some and bad in others. I surely have made the mistake of trying to jam in a certain type of person into my life when ultimately I have changed.. I keep thinking the person has but it is me and its time to find someone else.

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by DisneyFanGirl View Post
    5. ENTPs are too cold/ENFPs are too emotional:
    The ENTP I lived with was a huge closet romatic. Huge. SO I don't know about that... He liked to appear a bit standoffish but was in reality a big fuzzybear.

  9. #9

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    Quote Originally Posted by Reverie View Post
    The ENTP I lived with was a huge closet romatic. Huge. SO I don't know about that... He liked to appear a bit standoffish but was in reality a big fuzzybear.
    Yup. That sounds pretty accurate.

    And DisneyFanGirl, if you love the dude, he loves you and you get along great then screw the naysayers. Use MBTI to troubleshoot if (and since most relationships aren't perfect, when) problems arise. Outside of that, I see no purpose for it but to make you doubt your choice.

    Sounds like you've got a pretty rad thing going on!

  10. #10
    Member DisneyFanGirl's Avatar
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    Oh I'm not going to doubt my choice at all. I'm just annoyed with the naysayers. I'm a total rebel against what's considered normal so I'm going to make this relationship work, not just because I'm completely in love with the guy, but because I really think it can work despite the odds.

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