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  1. #31
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Dr Mobius View Post
    Anyway did you want me to have a go at analysing your ex’s actions, from an ENTP perspective? I assume he is the standard model ENTP enneagram 7 sx/sp/so?
    Yes! I'd love that

    7 sx/sp/so sounds right to me. I'd love to hear this analysis to better understand his side of things. I hate when I don't understand a person's point of view when I've had a conflict or disagreement with them. I'd love to understand better!
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  2. #32
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Orobas View Post
    I tried to date ENTPs for awhile-I totally love talking with them and understanding how they think. My best friends for many years have been entp girls.

    However when I tried to date them, it was just strange. I think they saw me as entp-like, as I loved to argue and debate with them and am not at all sensitive, but then when I acted like an enfp in the context of the relationship, they were dumbfounded and it almost immediately dissolved.

    I have seen several older divorced couples who had kids, but later broke up-interestingly it isnt the Ti/Fi issue so much but more the tert Fe/Te that can be extremely grating as both are so immature and partially unconscious functions that we start extroverting on the other as we both try and grow up a little.

    But they make AWESOME friends.
    Yeah, maybe he thought I was exactly like him and got confused when I wasn't.

    What do you mean about Fe/Te?

    I think we shoulda probably stayed friends looking back. I think we could have had a better friendship now if not for the 3.5 year relationship in there, haha.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  3. #33
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Samvega View Post
    I don't think E/E or I/I relationships work well at all, I could never date a fellow extrovert, I've shared some intense bonds and connections with them but there's no way I could sustain the dynamic long term. I really like an ENFP once, she liked me, we clicked really well but we never went beyond a friendship because we were so alike. If I had to date a fellow extrovert I don't even know what I'd pick, either ESFJ so that I have somebody to take care of me or ENTP so that it's at lease super comfortable and I know I'll get enough me time without it being taken personally.
    I agree. I'm married to an introvert, and just love his calm energy. It makes me feel really grounded and teaches me a lot about patience and slowing myself down sometimes.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  4. #34
    Don't pet me. JAVO's Avatar
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    I'm an eNTP male married to an enFP female for almost 20 years (lowercase letters indicate low preference). We've had many of the same issues mentioned in this thread. I attribute the longevity of our relationship to our flexibility, openness to change and redefine our relationship, and an ambiguous compatibility factor outside of MBTI type which neither of us can really define.

    Also, I think it's often useful to consider relative MBTI type. To me, she's like an ESFP where F and P are infinitely large. To her, I'm like an INTJ where N and T are infinitely large.

  5. #35
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    I'm an eNTP male married to an enFP female for almost 20 years (lowercase letters indicate low preference). We've had many of the same issues mentioned in this thread. I attribute the longevity of our relationship to our flexibility, openness to change and redefine our relationship, and an ambiguous compatibility factor outside of MBTI type which neither of us can really define.

    Also, I think it's often useful to consider relative MBTI type. To me, she's like an ESFP where F and P are infinitely large. To her, I'm like an INTJ where N and T are infinitely large.
    That's really cool, Java Juice!

    I know that if we woulda wound up married, we would have made it work. That's why it took us so long to break up in the first place. We were both super committed to working out our problems. It came down to just not wanting the same life at that time, and I got sick of waiting around or feeling dragged down. Maybe as we aged it would have been better, but with my husband now, I just appreciate the ways he's different from my ex in a lot of ways.

    That said, maybe it was an undefinable incompatibility that we couldn't get through I love ENTPs and think you guys are sorta kindred spirits to us ENFPs.

    Oh! Thanks for bringing up preference strength. Not sure about his, but I'm EnfP. So maybe that makes my Te more of an opposing force to his Fe? Or to his Ti?
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

  6. #36
    i love skylights's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by nicolita View Post
    That said, maybe it was an undefinable incompatibility that we couldn't get through
    I conceptualize there being some vast sort of compatibility matrix... dynamic in some places and static in others... all involving intrapersonal things like personality, values, goals, experiences, ideals... but then also thrown onto the "real" map of time, space, point-in-life, etc. So all of those static factors have to somewhat match up, but then also your timelines have to be able to flow with one another and your respective matrices have to be able to undulate in and out of one another...

    Which is all basically a really complicated way of saying maybe it was just right internal characteristics but wrong time. But not just "time" in the sense of "maybe if you had waited it would have worked", but as in maybe you were travelling two totally different paths altogether and just happened to meet. Maybe you could have pulled each other onto a mutual path, but maybe with your husband now your timepaths were much closer and more compatible so it all fell into place in the right way. I wish I had sophisticated software and an enormous amount of free time so I could visually depict this all. Like you and your husband would be travelling in space in similar directions, and then also your matrices would be undulating in symmetry, either in synchrony or in counterpoint. But you and the ENTP maybe were not only travelling differently but also your internal timeflow itself would be different. Your matrices seemed to line up but they didn't flow right.

    I imagine that there is some overlap with personality characteristics and people's lifepaths and internal timing. Ps will probably spread wider in space and be more jolting in terms of time; Js will probably be more linear and more consistent. As for the differences between ENTP and ENFP, that's probably more subtle and nuanced than I can even begin to dissect. ENFPs will probably fall in line more with people movement and relational patterns, is my first thought. ENTPs will probably be more in tune with knowledge development and change. Even directionality maybe will be impacted a bit, if we consider that theoretically people move towards their latter functions - in which case both ENxPs share aspirational Si, but ENFP would move towards more impact and objectivity with Te and ENTP would move towards more affect and cameraderie in Fe.

    Oro mentioned the Te/Fe thing... it does tend to rear its head in relationships. My nuclear family is all Fe besides me (2 TPs and an FJ), and my boyfriend is Fe, and they tend to see me as unduly "harsh" at times... while I see them as manipulative at times. It comes into play during conflict for sure, because it seems like Te and Fe impose different "understood" rules of behavior. My idea of appropriate conduct in an argument - not a play debate, but a real, at-stakes fight - is to be blunt and truthful and get it resolved ASAP by clearly stating our problems and finding a solution. Fe appropriate conduct, as far as I gather, is more like being sensitive to the other person's painful spots and avoiding them, and not saying certain things that shouldn't be said in front of certain people or at certain times. It's very confusing to me and it feels like they're trying to impose the rules that serve them best instead of what is fair and equal. I think the Fe idea in an argument is to obtain a solution with the least amount of lasting harm done, but actual Fe users are more than welcome to correct me on that.

    Quote Originally Posted by JAVO View Post
    Also, I think it's often useful to consider relative MBTI type. To me, she's like an ESFP where F and P are infinitely large. To her, I'm like an INTJ where N and T are infinitely large.
    That's a really cool way of looking at it. Like with my boyfriend, I totally totally feel how he is so Ti and I am so Te, even though we're technically both F. It's like the pairing amplifies your differences because you compare with the other and you tend to specialize.

  7. #37
    mod love baby... Lady_X's Avatar
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    yeah...my bf and i get along great with ne fi stuffs but wow does he hate my te. haha
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  8. #38
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    i don't know why i'm laughing. i guess that shouldn't be funny.
    There can’t be any large-scale revolution until there’s a personal revolution, on an individual level. It’s got to happen inside first.
    -Jim Morrison

  9. #39
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    Quote Originally Posted by nicolita View Post
    I am a sx-dom ENFP, so I like to make connections with people, and I think that really bothered him.
    mind if i try to unravel that ^ thread? i feel like there's a lot of missing information here... because on it's own it doesn't make much sense unless there was something deeper.

    was he jealous of time spent with others? was he suspicious that there was more then a connection or concerned that it could develop into more? was he envious of the attention you gave others? was he afraid about you talking openly in regards to private things in relation to him? was he feeling like your isolating your social life for him? or something else entirely? why was he bothered by you making connections with others?

    Quote Originally Posted by nicolita View Post
    He'd get super mad and say hurtful things when that happened, which in turn pissed me off.
    ^ this is a big X on the map showing "dig here"... while you might have focused on your emotional reaction - that those things where hurtful - within that big black box there's probably a lot more information - his opinions, his reasons, how he perceived things and what he felt about them. what where those hurtful things?

  10. #40
    Entertaining Cracker five sounds's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    mind if i try to unravel that ^ thread? i feel like there's a lot of missing information here... because on it's own it doesn't make much sense unless there was something deeper.

    was he jealous of time spent with others? was he suspicious that there was more then a connection or concerned that it could develop into more? was he envious of the attention you gave others? was he afraid about you talking openly in regards to private things in relation to him? was he feeling like your isolating your social life for him? or something else entirely? why was he bothered by you making connections with others?
    Thanks for this, Mane. I need these kinds of questions. It was kind of a while ago, so sometimes I have to get my impressions down to start diving in to the details. I don't think he felt I spent too much time with others. We spent a lot of time together, and he never complained when I did something with my friends or family or anything like that. I think he was kind of suspicious. He would just like bottle it up for so long and then end up in a fit of rage eventually and I would try to figure out what was wrong amidst all of those raw emotions. He didn't like me talking to guys, even ones who were our mutual friends. A lot of times once he was done with his like silent treatment or "you should know why I'm mad" stuff, he'd kind of break down and say that he was afraid of losing me thought I was too good for him bla bla bla. I was constantly reassuring him that I loved him, he was more than deserving of me, etc. And I know I have an intimate interaction style that can come off as flirtatious. I make a lot of eye contact, etc. But I'm like that with EVERYONE. Even women. Even kids. I just like to dive into people. He felt threatened by that.



    Quote Originally Posted by Mane View Post
    ^ this is a big X on the map showing "dig here"... while you might have focused on your emotional reaction - that those things where hurtful - within that big black box there's probably a lot more information - his opinions, his reasons, how he perceived things and what he felt about them. what where those hurtful things?
    He'd call me a bitch or a whore and stuff when he thought I was acting out of line. We were in college, so he had a habit of getting WAY too drunk, like blacking out, and unleashing all of this on me. One time he broke up with me blacked out, we had this big long fight/discussion for hours, I was like completely heartbroken, and he woke up and didn't remember a thing. But those emotions that came out then were present in a less belligerent way when he wasn't drunk. They just got amplified when he was. He also mocked me for saying I didn't want to party all the time anymore (things like oh you're too good for us, you think you're so much better than everyone) when I was really having such a hard time making those decisions and needed his support. When I told him that he was really dismissive and like convinced that I had ulterior motives or something. I don't know exactly how he felt or why because all I got was that. And I didn't know how to take it or where it was coming from.
    You hem me in -- behind and before;
    you have laid your hand upon me.
    Such knowledge is too wonderful for me,
    too lofty for me to attain.

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