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View Poll Results: Do you trust people too much?

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  • It's a TRAP! I don't have to answer this!

    2 11.11%
  • My hunches rarely lead me astray

    6 33.33%
  • Sometimes

    1 5.56%
  • I do tend to err on the side of trust

    5 27.78%
  • I can help a Nigerian Prince? Where do I sign?

    4 22.22%
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  1. #1
    Senior Member Forever_Jung's Avatar
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    Default Naivete/idealism getting you burned?

    Has your NF belief in the inherent good of other people, screwed you over royally before?

    I have been dealing with gender confusion lately, and I am pretty sure I am transgender. I won't expound further, I wrote about it at greater length in a private blog, it's just a set-up detail for the larger story anyway.

    I told an ex who I am now friends with I was dealing with these gender issues. Besides her, I have only told two super awesome and long-time friends (plus my mom), so it's clear she was very much within my circle of trust.

    At first she was totally supportive and nice, and even offered to help me with the transition. I thought to myself: What a great person, most exes are all bitter and shit, people are wonderful if you just give them the chance, etc, etc.

    Well, tonight she told me she saw a fake Facebook account with a display picture of a trans women who looks like me. She said it must be someone from my hometown doing it. She then informed me that they are adding "everyone from my friends list". The exchange after that went like this

    Me: How do you know they're adding all my friends? The fake account only has one friend right now.

    Her: Alisha [her friend] told me.

    Me: How would Alisha know?

    Her: I dunno, I guess she just figured it out.

    Me: (Internally thinking: are you KIDDING ME?) Externally saying: Well thanks for the heads up, but I need to get some sleep, good talk, blah, blah, blah.

    So now, this fake account is going around outing me and ridiculing me on Facebook and commenting "SLUT" "PANTY THIEF" on pictures of me that friends posted. Luckily she has no proof, so people will probably think the account is crazytown bananapants, but it's still upsetting someone would do this.

    And I can't believe I didn't recognize this sort of dark weirdness in her before, despite knowing her for quite some time. She was just telling me last week how I am so naive about people's intentions that she suspected I had aspergers (she kept insisting I did, and I guess it's possible, but I don't think so). I feel like that was foreshadowing. Am I just oblivious to the fact that everyone is laughing at me/tricking me? I always seemed to get duped by people, because I assume they're telling me the truth, because I used to think people are basically honest. Some e6 I am!

    I keep ending up in horrible situations with no idea how I got there, so I am beginning to think it's some sort of blindspot/shortcoming on my part. The pattern is too strong to deny.

    I'll admit, this is more of a self-absorbed, muddled rambling, but I think it is somewhat applicable to NF issues. Do you guys get betrayed due to your optimism?

    I feel like most NF's are too intuitive to be fooled though.
    Likes Noon liked this post

  2. #2
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Default

    God, who is this person? Why anyone would waste their time on a such an involved attempt to mock someone is beyond me. Ugh.

    It is tough knowing how much to trust people. I'm torn between that idealistic need to believe people are inherently good, and a general wariness of others. I certainly don't think I'm naive, and personally, I think people throw this term around too much.

    There are some people who choose to risk more and attempt to trust others, even though they know it's not always going to work out for them. However, some look down on those that have a positive view of others; they treat them like they're idiots because they aren't fashionably bitter and jaded. Some people just like to make negative self-fulfilling prophecies; they distrust everyone they come across and then congratulate themselves when they perceive the slightest slip up (whether it's real, or even meaningful, or not). But really, who wants to live that way?

    So I guess what I'm saying is optimism can be a whole lot braver than pessimism - it's more of a gamble but that gamble can pay off much more. And if you prefer to think like this and get it wrong now and then in small ways (and you're not exactly handing out your credit card details), what's the harm? Also I wouldn't say feeling shocked and unprepared for someone creating a nasty, fake, Facebook account of you, makes you naive. I really don't think it unrealistic or unreasonable to expect better of people than that.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  3. #3
    Mojibake sprinkles's Avatar
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    I get betrayed not due to optimism - I typically know who is likely to betray me.

    I get betrayed because I find it very hard to judge anyone when I can look at them eye to eye. What I mean by that is I still care and in a sense I end up letting them do what I know they are going to.

  4. #4
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    You must be a phobic 6 if you didn't confront her directly. I would have questioned her more, personally, and made her feel completely uncomfortable until she either admitted she did it or told you who did, and how that person found out.

    Here's what I think about people: they don't get away with stuff like that because you or anyone else trusted them, but because no one confronts them.

    That's why I like to tell people to fuck themselves, so the next time, they'll think twice.

    I like to call it an "educational experience." Perhaps you should go educate your ex-gf. Would you like for me to do it? I will, despite not knowing her, because this is so heinous and evil I'll her rip her in half.

  5. #5
    Senor Membrae Eugene Watson VIII's Avatar
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    Some people are bad for you and karma resistant, so you have to do what I call....manual karma.

    Edit: I agree and think karma is a mercurial 'thing'. I don't think everyone consciously puts out a certain vibe htough, so some things happen regardless of what you've said.

    Your ex needs help
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  6. #6
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    Quote Originally Posted by minutegovt View Post
    Some people are bad for you and karma resistant, so you have to do what I call....manual karma.
    I've formed this belief recently that people who believe they deserve good things attract good things - like even if they don't "deserve" it, they believe they deserve good things, so it manifests. Similar to the way that people who act as if they deserve to be kicked (even though they don't) get kicked again; it's the principle similar to the theory of why some people are molested or raped repeatedly...because they emanate something to other people that says they are a victim.

    So, no, not everyone gets the so-called karma they might so richly deserve, even though they're lower than dog shit, because they believe they deserve good, so other people agree with them.

    The key to dealing with these kinds of people is to create the experiences for them that they've created for others. Or to find their weak insecure points and drill on them like a dentist with a very tiny instrument, for hours and hours.

    That's what you have to go for. You either have to create an experience for them that is so scary or annoying that it dawns on them that this is a mirror image of what they did to someone else; or you have to find out what really is weak in them and keep poking at it with a stick.

    It's the cruelest thing in the world, and I wish I could do it to the OP's ex, I wish I knew enough about her ...because essentially she's attacked his most vulnerable point, and she deserves to either have a mirroring experience or be attacked publicly and socially in her own weakest point.

  7. #7
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Strangers has less potential to hurt you than people that are close to you. And still we are more affraid of strangers.. kinda strange.
    Epic derailment:
    wierd memory work->Tamagochi->tetris->Starcraft2->thugs->Chess->german techno->Love parade->disaster->death..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1wH2...eature=related

  8. #8
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    Quote Originally Posted by MatsNorway View Post
    Strangers has less potential to hurt you than people that are close to you. And still we are more affraid of strangers.. kinda strange.
    I can help a Nigerian Prince? Where do I sign?


  9. #9
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Rarely, I've dealt with enough sociopaths to spot them out, I still give in to the facades to extent because of the wanting to believe they aren't a bad person but I am very wary about sharing something that could get me burned or come back to haunt me at a later point. I always have to remind myself of the darkness they have in them if I have witnessed it, some people literally take joy from creating conflict such as that, and they'll do so with little genuine remorse.

    I'm guessing you've come to the conclusion that your ex did this? I'd confront her of that.

    Best things I've learnt in identifying on how much to trust someone is by also observing how they treat other people. I will never trust someone who treats other people like shit, or talk about others behind their back, it goes to show that they can just as easily do the same to you if they have little respect for others whom they are close with.

    Edit: this only counts with people who aren't family.
    I do get burned from people who I get close with though, generally.
    So far I only have one very close friend whom I can trust not to burn me like that, however idealism still does blind me to particulars in that friendship also.

  10. #10
    Senior Member Rex's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Marmotini View Post
    I can help a Nigerian Prince? Where do I sign?
    Feelings marm feeeeeelings..
    Epic derailment:
    wierd memory work->Tamagochi->tetris->Starcraft2->thugs->Chess->german techno->Love parade->disaster->death..
    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Q1wH2...eature=related

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