Hey guys, first post. This is a nice forum; really like the blue shag carpet you guys installed.
I could use some guidance, but it need not come in the form of advice - nor any other form of guidance - I will draw something meaningful out of anything you have to say.
But allow me to talk about myself for just a moment. Have any of you read the Sherlock Holmes books, or at least a few stories? You will recall his tendency to be fatigued to exhaustion only by inactivity, whereas moving toward an achievement, in his case developing working hypotheses and checking them against past observations, will galvanize him to a level that approaches mania. I have not slept for the past three nights, for I am exactly like him in this respect. Never mind what I'm working toward, just know that my cognition is affected and this may not be the most coherent or well organized post.
I was going to go into a problem I am having in a concrete fashion, but my energy is just now beginning to flag, so I will speak briefly...vaguely.
Friends and acquaintances frequently think I am "one of those people..." who are among the ranks of the multi-talented. It is not so, though I am proficient at a good many things. I have only a single talent, but it produces that illusion. I am the fastest learner I have ever met. Content is irrelevant; when something captures my attention it captures me in total, and the obsession continues unabated until I understand the thing, or can do the thing. I will not speak of anything else, and all actions are directed toward the end. It is for that reason that I learn so rapidly and absorb so readily, rather than my being inherently exceptional in some intellectual capacity.
I am so tired of vacillating. I have begun to truly despise my nature. I want to love something and continue to love it, and I'm beginning to fear that it will never occur. There is potential in me for very big things, if only I could retain interest for a few years, I could make such progress...but I see no signs of that happening. I am drawn to principles that underpin my behaviors, and I want so badly to be able to work professionally in some way that allows me to do something different every time I lose interest, because my interests go from my whole meaning of existence to being drudgery to continue to carry out, or even consider, once I reach a certain threshold of proficiency. I am very nearly applying to a couple doctoral programs for running statistics on organizational behavior, and uncovering the interconnecting variables that define us. I am in a good position to do so. And yet, I must take into consideration that one constant that I know to be true about myself: incredible change and submission to vagaries. I am too tired right now...if you have anything to say, I would love to hear it. It's nice to meet you all...