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  1. #1
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Default INFJs and Dating

    Yeah, so how does that work out?

    For me, not so much.

    Something about being assessed as a possible suitable mate makes the whole experience incredibly unpleasant. How does an INFJ not obsess about their faults and insecurities? It's made even more unnerving by the fact that you are also suppose to be, in one way or another, assessing someone to be a suitable mate. I feel pretty bad when I begin spotting a person's flaws, or when I realize that I'm more flawed than them and thus come to the conclusion that I'm inherently unworthy.

    Fantasy is so much better than reality when it comes to romance.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    OMNi: Wisdom at the cost of Sanity.

  2. #2
    Occasional Member Evan's Avatar
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    hmm. i'm usually self-conscious like way at the beginning, but then i'll figure something about the person out and it's like a switch is flipped. most of the time, i become hypercritical of the other person and notice why they don't fit my standards.

    it's really annoying because i'll think i like someone and have the idea of pursuing them, then i'll completely change my mind after putting in just a tiny bit of effort.

    blah

  3. #3
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    Quote Originally Posted by dissonance View Post
    hmm. i'm usually self-conscious like way at the beginning, but then i'll figure something about the person out and it's like a switch is flipped. most of the time, i become hypercritical of the other person and notice why they don't fit my standards.

    it's really annoying because i'll think i like someone and have the idea of pursuing them, then i'll completely change my mind after putting in just a tiny bit of effort.

    blah
    Ding Ding Ding. Me too. Except you aren't an INFJ..or so your avatar says.

    Usually when I see a girl, I'll visualize her as being like the perfect girl.. I'll imagine her fitting to my standards. Then I talk to her and I'll hear something that totally goes against my values like partying or drinking or sex or something that grosses me out and within a split second I'm not interested. It's almost like I know what I want and it should be perfect or else I look the opposite direction. Sucks to be so judging about a potential significant other. Sigh.


    Edit: I agree with you Kiddo, better fantasy than reality. Either that or I'm going to have to really change my outlook on women.

  4. #4
    heart on fire
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    It is not so much about looking for flaws as finding someone who is right for you. A person could be totally perfect and still be wrong for you personally.

  5. #5
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    It is not so much about looking for flaws as finding someone who is right for you. A person could be totally perfect and still be wrong for you personally.
    How do you know when a person is right for you?
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    OMNi: Wisdom at the cost of Sanity.

  6. #6
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    How do you know when a person is right for you?
    I think only you can define that

    But personally, for me, someone who likes me for me, I don't have to put on a fake mask, I can just be myself, and they can be their self also. Among other things. Yeah, but the whole, both of us being ourselves and liking it, is a major key factor. For me anyway.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  7. #7
    Senior Member cafe's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    How do you know when a person is right for you?
    For me, it was the guy who made my heart go pitter-pat, whose values and behavior I could respect, and who didn't have any flaws I didn't think I could put up with for fifty years. Bonus: he makes me laugh.
    “There are two novels that can change a bookish fourteen-year old’s life: The Lord of the Rings and Atlas Shrugged. One is a childish fantasy that often engenders a lifelong obsession with its unbelievable heroes, leading to an emotionally stunted, socially crippled adulthood, unable to deal with the real world. The other, of course, involves orcs.”
    ~ John Rogers

  8. #8
    heart on fire
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    How do you know when a person is right for you?
    It is one of those things in life that no one else can tell you.

  9. #9
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by DigitalMethod
    I think only you can define that
    Quote Originally Posted by cafe View Post
    For me, it was the guy who made my heart go pitter-pat, whose values and behavior I could respect, and who didn't have any flaws I didn't think I could put up with for fifty years. Bonus: he makes me laugh.
    Quote Originally Posted by heart View Post
    It is one of those things in life that no one else can tell you.


    I give up. I'm just gonna become a monk.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    OMNi: Wisdom at the cost of Sanity.

  10. #10
    The Black Knight Domino's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    How do you know when a person is right for you?
    I just know, instinctively.

    But they're never mine.
    eNFJ 4w3 sx/so 468 tritype
    Neutral Good
    EII-Fi subtype, Ethical/Empath, Delta/Beta
    RLUEI, Choleric/Melancholic
    Inquistive/Limbic
    AIS Holland code
    Researcher: VDI-P
    Dramatic>Sensitive>Serious

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