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  1. #71
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    I tried dating for awhile when I became single 18 years ago, but really haven't dated at all over the past ten years. I have been focused on raising the kids (two girls, two boys) but they're all off and gone now...three married, one in college in Ohio...doing great. A very meaningful part of my life.

    My big issue seems to be finding commonalities w/ ladies here in suburbia. I feel very out of step w/ the culture here, but I am so for all the right reasons. I suspect as I go on this could spiral further to be even more difficult. I explore the things that are naturally of interest to me....but those things are definitely not of interest to the people I frequently meet.

    So I watch and listen and make friends when and where I can, which happens fairly often between work, dining out, and mass transit. It's not a bad existance I suppose, but I know a relationship would mean the world to me if it were with the right lady. Most guys seem to waltz right out there and hook up within a week or two. Not this INFJ.....nope!!!

    Truth be told, my biggest fear is that my heart is nothing but a block of ice at this point....it's been so, so many years and I have so many layers of coping mechanisms built up. Sounds pretty melodramatic, but I feel it and it is very real to me.

    Not to worry...I will carry on!!!

  2. #72
    Senior Member MrRandom's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by wedekit View Post
    I'm just one big paradox. I'm gay, but I don't like other gay people that much. I have no gay friends, mostly because I'm not into the gay scene at all. The thought of being in a relationship with a girly guy makes me shudder. I would just date a girl if that was what I wanted.

    Finding a gay guy that's not a total fag? Hard to do.

    Thus, I'm single.
    Haha, that's all so true. I'm such a paradox too. I don't really have many gay friends and even the few that I have are not very close to me. I hang out with straight friends and I tend to like their company a lot more.

    About the main subject, yes... it's difficult being an INFJ and trying to date. I'm extremely picky. The ones I've rejected take it quite personally, but I'm not starting a relationship that is not going to last for a long time.

  3. #73
    lurking.... Wyst's Avatar
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    Late jumping on this thread but this is the story of my life here..

    Quote Originally Posted by tENnisFJ View Post
    Usually when I see a girl, I'll visualize her as being like the perfect girl.. I'll imagine her fitting to my standards. Then I talk to her and I'll hear something that totally goes against my values like partying or drinking or sex or something that grosses me out and within a split second I'm not interested. It's almost like I know what I want and it should be perfect or else I look the opposite direction. Sucks to be so judging about a potential significant other. Sigh.
    Yep. Same here. I'll change my mind REALLY fast and end up totally UNinterested. It feels very unhealthy to me. Not to mention immensely frustrating.

    Quote Originally Posted by Kiddo View Post
    Fantasy is so much better than reality when it comes to romance.
    YES. Kiddo really hit said it well.

    I've only dated long-distance. The closest girlfriend I had was 2 hours away. And we only saw each other once a week at the most. Other than that I've only met my SOs about once or twice.

    This really (not in a good way) allows me to let the fantasy run wild, and then when I'm with them IRL, it's so different from what I imagined and very disappointing.

    I often think I'll never be able to find someone that my INFJ genes won't shoot down and that I'll be alone forever, doomed to singleness because I'm so judgmental.

    I think the ONLY way I'll be able to have someone is to become friends first, accept my own and their faults weaknesses and then move into a romantic relationship...

    .... at risk of ruining a great friendship. Either way, we're shit outta luck! Are INFJ's doomed to be miserable FOR-E-VER??!

    Edit: 100th post. Weeeeeeeee!

  4. #74
    Junior Member Danielson's Avatar
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    I really love ESTPs and I definitely want to marry one. There is no other type that an INFJ can profit from as much. It costs me a lot of effort though to keep up with their pace and their spontaneity. It can be one big adventure, full of surprises.

  5. #75
    Senior Member gloomy-optimist's Avatar
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    My best friend is ESTP I could deal with being married with one, but only after they've had a long time to get to know me...it takes a while to get used to the communication style (although the more I get to know him, the more alike we seem).

    I'm very picky about relationships and dating. Right now, I'm not even up for it, since I know that there's probably not anyone around here that's going to fulfill me... I'm pretty independent and complex, so it's difficult to find someone who can be the straw for my juice box.

  6. #76
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Danielson View Post
    I really love ESTPs and I definitely want to marry one. There is no other type that an INFJ can profit from as much. It costs me a lot of effort though to keep up with their pace and their spontaneity. It can be one big adventure, full of surprises.
    I think ESTP's are exciting for the INFJ. And, maybe not that complicated in the relationship-maintenance sense, so just more light and fun. Regardless - very intriguing for both, at least initially.

    However, I have a wonderful INFJ friend who is about to get divorced from an ESTP. Not that the infj/estp matchup is doomed to fail, as it isn't (in fact I think there's an INFJ on this board who's happily married to one), but there are some pretty substantial differences between how the ESTP views the world, and what is important to him in life and worth going for, and how the INFJ views the world and prioritizes things. I know my friend and her husband were never really able to communicate well together, and they were just on very different planes. She said they were perfect for everyday activities -- and getting out and doing things and just having fun together -- but when it came down to life philosophies, they were vastly different, and there was a whole side of her that she just wasn't able to share with him.
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

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  7. #77
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    I think ESTP's are exciting for the INFJ. And, maybe not that complicated, so just more light and fun. Regardless - very intriguing for both, at least initially.

    However, I have a wonderful INFJ friend who is about to get divorced from an ESTP. Not that the infj/estp matchup is doomed to fail, as it isn't (in fact I think there's an INFJ on this board who's happily married to one), but there are some pretty substantial differences between how the ESTP views the world, and what is important to him in life and worth going for, and how the INFJ views the world. I know my friend and her husband were never really able to communicate well together, and they were just on very different planes. She said they were perfect for everyday activities -- and getting out and doing things and just having fun together -- but when it came down to life philosophies, they were vastly different, and there was a whole side of her that she just wasn't able to share with him.
    ENTP is best for INFJ. Of course.
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  8. #78
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    ENTP is best for INFJ. Of course.
    But of course. ;-)

    Theoretically, I agree with you. I have yet to be involved with one (for sure) though to test the reality!!
    "...On and on and on and on he strode, far out over the sands, singing wildly to the sea, crying to greet the advent of the life that had cried to him." - James Joyce

    My Photography and Watercolor Fine Art Prints!!! Cascade Colors Fine Art Prints
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  9. #79
    Once Was Synarch's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascademn View Post
    But of course. ;-)

    Theoretically, I agree with you. I have yet to be involved with one (for sure) though to test the reality!!
    I just told you. What better proof could you ask for?
    "Create like a god, command like a king, work like a slave."

  10. #80
    Senior Member Moiety's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Synarch View Post
    I just told you. What better proof could you ask for?
    Does this mean that INTJ is ENFP's pairing?

    Sometimes typology makes me laugh. I mean, is there any cohesion at all? I've heard like three different "perfect" partners combinations for each type.

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