Just thinking aloud, my sister is damn near allergic to excessive Te. It upsets her, and she basically shuts down. At the same time, my sister will use her feelings as a shield for stubbornness. I could present something to her in the gentlest way possible, but if it's not something she's interested in hearing, she'll rebuff it. I know enough to understand that I have to be able to reaffirm her and where she's coming from in order for her to hear anything I'm saying to her. If I do not, she will become defensive.
I know this is not a problem that I can solve for her, so my aim is simply to help her think a little differently about her situation. I think Amargith is correct in that she's basically panicked at this point. Her fears may be somewhat overblown at this point, but theyre no less valid to her. They're feeding her insecurities which are in turn fueling the problem. So I wanna help her slow her roll, basically. I think that something as simple as being able to frame some of her issues for her will be a start. It will allow her to ground her fear in something workable. (I think this is the Fi-Te bridging ya'll have been discussing?)
If she knows what her problem is, then the books and stuff that you mentioned, Amargith, will be more effective. It will give her something that will allow her to own the issue, work on it at her own pace, and begin applying her own creativity to resolve it. Then, she might start enacting some of the more practical suggestions that have been offered on her own, and if not I'll keep them in mind to share with her when she's ready for them.
So, yeah, that's my plan on this. Obviously, the trickiest thing will be the first step--framing the issue without making her feel that an answer is being shoved down her throat. So if ya'll two wonderful, intelligent individuals (for whom I have a great deal of love and respect, ect) want to continue debating the fine points of successfully approaching an ENFP with difficult advice as an NTJ, then I'm all ears. Hell, I'd be obliged to you.