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Thread: Jealousy

  1. #1
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Default Jealousy

    Jealousy hasn't really been a feature in my life, but there was a recent episode with my INTP that has brought its fascinating presence to my attention.

    I guess I'm just interested to hear people's experiences with jealousy, how it has affected you or your SO.
    Just talk to me, I'm bored!


    So I'll start with my recent experience.
    Which isn't anything much, but it did surprise me.

    I posted a pic on facebook and this guy on my friends list made a comment about my eyes. My INTP doesn't like this guy, he's a friend of my sister and I hardly know him.
    Anyway, my INTP saw the comment and went into total protective alpha male mode. It was very bizarre. His body language changed, his inflections. I seriously think he would have decked the guy if he'd been there. The things he said to him were completely out of character. Very direct and confrontational.
    I kind of watched it all going,
    I mean the comment wasn't anything really.

    After the guy deleted the comment, back-tracked, apologized, I finally sat my INTP down and harried him with questions about what exactly he was feeling/experiencing through it all.
    "It's important for me to understand, for writing you know."

    These are some of the things I came away with:
    A large adrenaline spike and the physical effects that go with it, wanting to inflict violence on the guy, feelings of shame afterward (that he may have acted irrationally) but at the same time said he wouldn't act differently. This masculine protective surge lasted for several days. He would dwell on the guy, on and off. I could tell just from the change in his body language.

    I still don't really understand why he got so jealous about it...
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  2. #2
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    I still don't really understand why he got so jealous about it...
    My wild guess is because you're precious to him. He's a guy and knows from his own experience how visual men are. http://www.prageruniversity.com/Life...he-Visual.html

    That said, I think he could use .
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  3. #3
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SD45T-2 View Post
    My wild guess is because you're precious to him. He's a guy and knows from his own experience how visual men are. http://www.prageruniversity.com/Life...he-Visual.html

    That said, I think he could use .
    Well I understand the reason in that sense, but it wasn't exactly normal behavior for him. As far as I know, he's never gotten jealous like that before, and we've been married for 14 years.

    What about you, any experiences with jealousy you care to share?
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  4. #4
    Sweet Ocean Cloud SD45T-2's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Well I understand the reason in that sense, but it wasn't exactly normal behavior for him. As far as I know, he's never gotten jealous like that before, and we've been married for 14 years.
    Do your INTP and this other dude have some sort of history?

    What about you, any experiences with jealousy you care to share?
    Not really. I've never had a SO.
    1w2-6w5-3w2 so/sp

    "I took one those personality tests. It came back negative." - Dan Mintz

  5. #5
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Well I understand the reason in that sense, but it wasn't exactly normal behavior for him. As far as I know, he's never gotten jealous like that before, and we've been married for 14 years.

    What about you, any experiences with jealousy you care to share?
    If my SO was not normally a jealous person...and then he became that way (the way you describe) over a facebook comment from some random dude...I would wonder what was going on with him.

    note: From the information you provided...I should say I don't know how *random* this dude really is. I don't know how much involvement you have with this person in your life. Like SD45T-2 mentioned...I don't know if there is a history there or what. But if there is no real history...then I would wonder what was 'wrong' with your husband (like is he under a lot of stress right now?) to have him react in that way.

  6. #6
    Let me count the ways Betty Blue's Avatar
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    I'd say it was more to do with the particular person than the comment itself. Prehaps he does have a history with this guy. Maybe he see's something in him that he dosn't trust, some kind of game play.
    It could be that he see's it as an insult to himself or you, because of past behaviours etc.
    Prehaps even he see's qualities in this other that make him feel insecure or lacking.
    I highly doubt it has much to do with you at all at this point, other than you being the prize that needs protecting.
    It's also possible that this man (heres my own paranoia coming out) has something over your husband and thinks he can lord his power in this way.
    Idk, lots of possibilities.
    Best course of action is to talk it through more.

    Oh and the jealousy thing, i did just get a pang of and was really impressed that i managed to communicate and resolve a potential mine field of unresolved internal questioning-just by discussing it-worked like magic.
    "We knew he was someone who had a tragic flaw, that's where his greatness came from"

  7. #7
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    As an INTP, feelings of jealousy used to get the better of me, also. I gave a lot of thought when younger as to why I had those feelings and came to the conclusion that they are unnecessary. I think it is kind of like an irrational fear of snakes or spiders. Some people just freak out at the mention of them, others when they are crawling on them, and some can pick them up and pet them. I have drifted into the latter selection when it comes to jealousy, it just does not affect me anymore .. still in the middle one with spiders though

  8. #8
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by HelenOfTroy View Post
    I'd say it was more to do with the particular person than the comment itself. Prehaps he does have a history with this guy. Maybe he see's something in him that he dosn't trust, some kind of game play.
    Yep you figured the reason. I didn't go into it because I was more interested in the reaction (and hearing about other people's experiences). My sister is a supa hot teenager and this guy is the dad of her best friend... I won't go into details, but after the episode I was obviously trying to figure out what it was about this guy my husband so disliked. Turns out he thinks he's a scumbag slimy pervert who enjoys taking my bikini clad sister to the lake and he doesn't even want those beady eyes looking at anything to do with his wife.

    So I understand why in that sense, I guess I just don't feel the understanding. Does that make sense? I'm having trouble getting my head into that perspective. I've never had any strong feelings of jealousy/protectiveness before. (Oh yea, and my husband even said that he wasn't even sure why it made him feel not just protective, but also jealous -since there wasn't anything to be jealous of.)
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  9. #9
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Yep you figured the reason. I didn't go into it because I was more interested in the reaction (and hearing about other people's experiences). My sister is a supa hot teenager and this guy is the dad of her best friend... I won't go into details, but after the episode I was obviously trying to figure out what it was about this guy my husband so disliked. Turns out he thinks he's a scumbag slimy pervert who enjoys taking my bikini clad sister to the lake and he doesn't even want those beady eyes looking at anything to do with his wife.

    So I understand why in that sense, I guess I just don't feel the understanding. Does that make sense? I'm having trouble getting my head into that perspective. I've never had any strong feelings of jealousy/protectiveness before. (Oh yea, and my husband even said that he wasn't even sure why it made him feel not just protective, but also jealous -since there wasn't anything to be jealous of.)
    What is your definition of jealousy?

  10. #10
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    [YOUTUBE="ah5gAkna3jI"].[/YOUTUBE]
    03/23 06:06:58 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:06:59 EcK: lex
    03/23 06:21:34 Nancynobullets: LEXXX *sacrifices a first born*
    03/23 06:21:53 Nancynobullets: We summon yooouuu
    03/23 06:29:07 Lexicon: I was sleeping!



    04/25 04:20:35 Patches: Don't listen to lex. She wants to birth a litter of kittens. She doesnt get to decide whats creepy

    02/16 23:49:38 ygolo: Lex is afk
    02/16 23:49:45 Cimarron: she's doing drugs with Jack

    03/05 19:27:41 Time: You can't make chat morbid. Lex does it naturally.

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