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Thread: Jealousy

  1. #21
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Maybe he picked up something unusual in your response to the guys flattery? Even if you'd never cheat on your husband and weren't attracted to the guy, praise from a stranger can sometimes mean more than from somebody you've been with for 14 years. That's just human nature. You've had a decade and a half to cope with the fact that your husband thinks you are a hottie.

    If there was some sort of unconscious body language response to the compliment that he picked up on, your husband may have felt that you were more flattered by some creeps interest than the last time he said something similar. Even if your husband knows that you are faithful, INTPs can see (real or not) potentially bigger patterns in seemingly small things. Since divining the emotions of others, isn't an INTP's strength he may have imagined some outlandish patterns from this tiny anomaly. I've a theory that trying to apply the scientific method to emotional issues is a factor in why we INTPs have the lowest satisfaction rating in marriage.

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    This was kind of where my husband and I conflicted. When I read the comment, that's exactly how I thought of it.
    And I do the same thing you said, if I think it then often I'll say it, just cause I know they'd probably like to hear it. It'd make them happy, why not?
    Saying that, I do try to censor what I say to men... in case I give the wrong impression. But I really hate it.
    If he's the kind of sleaze who is into his kids friends he probably has no problems hitting on some nerdy INTP's hot wife with the intent that it might later lead to something else. Perhaps your husband read it as the guy trying to get his foot in the door while pretending that it was just a harmless comment. If he did see it that way, your 'falling for the trick' would have made the guy seem like even more of a scumbag to your husband.

    Also, the fact that NFs are generally WAY better at sensing hidden motives than NTs might have your husband asking himself why don't you see this guys intent when it's so obvious an INTP can see it.
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  2. #22
    libtard SJW chickpea's Avatar
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    i might just be crazy but i like it when guys get jealous over me. probably because i'm a pretty jealous person, so it makes me feel better to know that they're feeling the same way as me, and makes me less ashamed of and more open about times when i'm jealous. also i feel like in a romantic relationship, if they're never jealous that they don't really care.

    it can get annoying though, my boyfriend assumes that every man that ever interacts with me is trying to have sex with me. which is obviously biased since i really doubt that all men are attracted to me.

  3. #23
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Priori View Post
    Maybe he picked up something unusual in your response to the guys flattery? Even if you'd never cheat on your husband and weren't attracted to the guy, praise from a stranger can sometimes mean more than from somebody you've been with for 14 years. That's just human nature. You've had a decade and a half to cope with the fact that your husband thinks you are a hottie.

    If there was some sort of unconscious body language response to the compliment that he picked up on, your husband may have felt that you were more flattered by some creeps interest than the last time he said something similar. Even if your husband knows that you are faithful, INTPs can see (real or not) potentially bigger patterns in seemingly small things. Since divining the emotions of others, isn't an INTP's strength he may have imagined some outlandish patterns from this tiny anomaly. I've a theory that trying to apply the scientific method to emotional issues is a factor in why we INTPs have the lowest satisfaction rating in marriage.
    I think there's quite a lot of truth to what you said. Although he couldn't have picked anything up before getting jealous since he saw the comment before me. But what you said about seeing patterns... I wouldn't be surprised if he imagined something, even before telling me about the comment. Maybe also because he doesn't volunteer compliments that often? (Though since that episode, he's been quite a lot more vocal about his appreciation. Maybe there was a feeling this sleazy guy did a better job at complimenting his wife than he did?)

    If he's the kind of sleaze who is into his kids friends he probably has no problems hitting on some nerdy INTP's hot wife with the intent that it might later lead to something else. Perhaps your husband read it as the guy trying to get his foot in the door while pretending that it was just a harmless comment. If he did see it that way, your 'falling for the trick' would have made the guy seem like even more of a scumbag to your husband.
    I think you hit on something that bothered him about the situation. He thought I was falling for the trick, like you said. I have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt, which frustrates him sometimes. I consider it more a suspension of judgment... but I think he wanted me to be scathing about the guy.

    Also, the fact that NFs are generally WAY better at sensing hidden motives than NTs might have your husband asking himself why don't you see this guys intent when it's so obvious an INTP can see it.
    This, I think, was his thought process.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  4. #24
    Senior Member Priori's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    I have a tendency to give people the benefit of the doubt, which frustrates him sometimes. I consider it more a suspension of judgment... but I think he wanted me to be scathing about the guy.
    More likely he's just upset because he perceives somebody he loves is having their own kindness used against them to manipulate them. Additionally, if he thinks you can be manipulated even slightly by some guy who just wants to have sex with you - then that might be reason enough for your man to feel insecure. INTPs are emotional children and we lash-out when things make us feel insecure.

    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    I wouldn't be surprised if he imagined something,
    While we INTPs can at times extrapolate patterns far beyond what the data actually supports (A strength and a weakness), it would be an injustice to your husband to completely dismiss his thoughts and observation as having no merit. While the end conclusion may be shaky, the foundation is probably solid; he likely can't articulate all the dots and how they are connected in a way that wouldn't either be hurtful or just not make sense to you.

    You and/or your husband wouldn't happen be in your mid thirties would you? That might explain a few things.

    Also, have you shown this thread to your husband? TBH he'd be much more insightful into this than any stranger on the internet.
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  5. #25
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    Quote Originally Posted by chana View Post
    it can get annoying though, my boyfriend assumes that every man that ever interacts with me is trying to have sex with me. which is obviously biased since i really doubt that all men are attracted to me.
    I dunno...To be honest, the guy who sincerely compliments a woman's physical appearance solely with the intent to be nice in a completely non-sexual way is pretty rare.

    On another subject...

    I pretty much never compliment women on their pictures on Facebook. So many of them have been hearing their whole lives how BEAUTIFUL they are, that fueling their egos any more is basically throwing gasoline on a fire. Then they turn 30 and suddenly it's a whole new world.

    Plus some of them post pictures of themselves that are (borderline) soft porn, and it's so obvious they're just fishing for compliments it's not even funny.
    A hero is someone who does the right thing without expectation of reward, just because it's the right thing to do.

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