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[ENFJ] Questions about ENFJs from an ENFP

air

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Thank you all much for your help :) I really appreciate all the time you put into giving me your wonderful insight. I shall stop obsessing over this from now.
 
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Amargith

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I think he might be enjoying your attention/crush and say things like that to cause a pleasurable emotional rush in both of you. Also..some of those situations sound like...tests. To see what your response is, to make sure that you are in fact crushing on him and not interested in his apparent hot friend for instance. Whether that means he's actually interested in you himself is hard to tell from this info. But he sure likes your attention. And consequently might not enjoy you trying to 'kill' your crush for him (though that would depend on how self aware and mature he is), as it would take that pleasurable thrill away.

I know this game. It's enthralling, addictive, exhilarating but it takes a master to play it well and have both parties come out unscathed. I hope you're both up for that task.

As for ENFJ males...they can definitely be enchanting..especially the voice. They lace their voices with such intricate and utterly pleasurable nuances. Subtle hints, intonation shifts, drawing out of certain words...they're masters of their voice, and are aware of the effect they have on others with this powerful instrument.

They are also the most exquisite opponents for those who are up for a friendly emotional/social fencing match. Using a mix of innuendo, their silver tongue and bodylanguage, they leave things unsaid and layered, making your imagination go wild. And they respond with matching intensity when an attack is launched on them :devil:

I've never had the pleasure to actually form a worthwhile relationship with one (mostly coz I've met them after I'd already found a soulmate), but I'd imagine that they are protective, directive, sweet and somewhat bossy in a relationship, as well as understanding yet focused on bringing out the best in their partner. If they stay equally interested in sharpening their skills through play once they catch their prey...it would be a very very beneficial relationship indeed as it would challenge an ENFP to sharpen her interpersonal skills as well to keep up. I see sort of a similar thing between my INTJ and his best friend (INTP). They can take on the rest of our group without even blinking intellectually..but when they face each other in for instance a board game..watch out ;)

I'd imagine that ENFP and ENFJ have the same going when it comes to the emotional playing field..there's a mutual respect as well as need to test each others slightly different strenghts there :devil:
 

Neutralpov

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Air you are reading into what is going on. Beware, you might be a fun flirt. And not in a bad way but I am friendly with people and enjoy the playful banter but I have frequently had to deliberately tone it down and be aware of what it does to other people. You are seeing his behavior how you want to see it. He might be emotionally unavailable (likes someone else, not wanting to be in a serious relationship, dealing with his own life) and you will get crushed (no pun intended) and he will walk out unscathed. This has happened to me where I was your crush and I was just fine but the ENFP was butt-hurt. Guard your heart until you get something concrete, one-on-one and deliberate on his part, active pursuing, and even then tread lightly and don't put your eggs in only his basket.

Again it is not malicious. I think people can tell I am not a flirt I just love people and light up when we interact. I get told that at work when I help students. They tell me I smile so big at them and it takes them knowing me to see why I do (it isn't because I have a crush).
 

air

New member
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Jun 25, 2012
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INFP
I think he might be enjoying your attention/crush and say things like that to cause a pleasurable emotional rush in both of you. Also..some of those situations sound like...tests. To see what your response is, to make sure that you are in fact crushing on him and not interested in his apparent hot friend for instance. Whether that means he's actually interested in you himself is hard to tell from this info. But he sure likes your attention. And consequently might not enjoy you trying to 'kill' your crush for him (though that would depend on how self aware and mature he is), as it would take that pleasurable thrill away. this makes a lot of sense, thank you. At least there's a chance he is seeing it through positive light, even though he isn't interested. I doubt he is interested in me, for whatever reason.

I know this game. It's enthralling, addictive, exhilarating but it takes a master to play it well and have both parties come out unscathed. I hope you're both up for that task. I agree. But no, I'm not up for the task. haha

As for ENFJ males...they can definitely be enchanting..especially the voice. They lace their voices with such intricate and utterly pleasurable nuances. Subtle hints, intonation shifts, drawing out of certain words...they're masters of their voice, and are aware of the effect they have on others with this powerful instrument. awesome description.

They are also the most exquisite opponents for those who are up for a friendly emotional/social fencing match. Using a mix of innuendo, their silver tongue and bodylanguage, they leave things unsaid and layered, making your imagination go wild. And they respond with matching intensity when an attack is launched on them :devil:

I've never had the pleasure to actually form a worthwhile relationship with one (mostly coz I've met them after I'd already found a soulmate), but I'd imagine that they are protective, directive, sweet and somewhat bossy in a relationship, as well as understanding yet focused on bringing out the best in their partner. If they stay equally interested in sharpening their skills through play once they catch their prey...it would be a very very beneficial relationship indeed as it would challenge an ENFP to sharpen her interpersonal skills as well to keep up. <3I see sort of a similar thing between my INTJ and his best friend (INTP). They can take on the rest of our group without even blinking intellectually..but when they face each other in for instance a board game..watch out ;)

I'd imagine that ENFP and ENFJ have the same going when it comes to the emotional playing field..there's a mutual respect as well as need to test each others slightly different strengths there :devil: haha I play this game. I can totally tell when he is trying to 'manipulate' someone or myself and I find it amusing. It also makes me a bit stubborn. Usually I'm a very open person, but I love withholding just a little with him for amusement. Haha... I totally test him.

Amargith, I really appreciate your time in responding to my post and I love how you word things. Thanks so much :)
 

Amargith

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Amargith, I really appreciate your time in responding to my post and I love how you word things. Thanks so much :)

Oh you're welcome, I enjoyed musing on ENFJ males

Come to think of it..let's get such a creature in here, shall we? *summons [MENTION=9766]Juice[/MENTION] *


:devil:
 

air

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Air you are reading into what is going on. What do you mean? “Reading into it” that he is aware of my crush or reading into in another way? I most definitely don’t think my emotions are requited. If I thought it was I wouldn't even be posting this thread :) I wish they were though! Haha Beware, you might be a fun flirt. And not in a bad way but I am friendly with people and enjoy the playful banter but I have frequently had to deliberately tone it down and be aware of what it does to other people. You are seeing his behavior how you want to see it. I certainly don't want him to be aware of my feelings. He might be emotionally unavailable (likes someone else, not wanting to be in a serious relationship, dealing with his own life) and you will get crushed (no pun intended) and he will walk out unscathed. sounds logical, I agree.This has happened to me where I was your crush and I was just fine but the ENFP was butt-hurt. Guard your heart until you get something concrete, one-on-one and deliberate on his part, active pursuing, and even then tread lightly and don't put your eggs in only his basket. Good advice. I will take it. Thank you.

Again it is not malicious. I think people can tell I am not a flirt I just love people and light up when we interact. Yes, I have a few ENFJ friends and I know you guys treat everyone equal, no matter the age or gender; tons of affection is shown. That's one thing I dig about you guys :) I get told that at work when I help students. They tell me I smile so big at them and it takes them knowing me to see why I do (it isn't because I have a crush).

I thank you also for your time! I really appreciate it.
 
H

Hate

Guest
*suddenly appears out of puff of smoke*

1232926357SADQ84-1.jpg


*looks around*:unsure:

wtf? how did I get here?
 

air

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Haha poor Juice. You've appeared into my brain/thread that captures my unproductive state of over-analyzing things that will not help me in the long run. To make it worse, I have dragged kind souls into my state too...
:doh:
 

Amargith

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Lol, hey I'm all for these kinda analysis games :D

Especially when ENFJs play along like genies in a bottle...:drool:
 
H

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Guest
Haha poor Juice. You've appeared into my brain/thread that captures my unproductive state of over-analyzing things that will not help me in the long run. To make it worse, I have dragged kind souls into my state too...
:doh:

I dig ENFPs, so it's definitely not a problem. As a matter of fact, there was a thread the other day asking which type we'd choose as the most ideal for a romantic relationship, and my final answer was ENFP.

I'll get back to ya after I check the entire thread out.
 

chris1207

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Oh you're welcome, I enjoyed musing on ENFJ males

Come to think of it..let's get such a creature in here, shall we? *summons [MENTION=9766]Juice[/MENTION] *


:devil:

Who the HELL is this Juice character? :D

I too am one of the ENFJ's from Amargith's man harem. :p And I have RETURNED! RAWR

As far as whether the TC (air?) should go after this relationship: I would imagine at 30 that he would have maturity enough to know whether or not he wants to pursue a relationship with you. Yes, when we're young we ENFJ's are ignorant of what we really want and we play around with poor FP's (and possibly TJ's) emotions, not knowing what the fuck we're doing. That being said, I'm 28 and I've had all sorts of epiphanies in the last few years that have really clarified who I am and what I want to myself, so I can only assume the same would be true for him.

Also, I think the idea of an ENFJ/ENFP coupling sounds like an exhilarating experience. I haven't known many ENFP women but the ones I have known in real life could turn me on just by having a conversation with me ;)

At the very least, it'll be a fun roller coaster ride and I think you should sit him down and let him know where you stand on the issue. If nothing else, you know that he finds you physically attractive.
 

Amargith

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....oops, busted *hides* :ninja:
 

Neutralpov

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RAWR

That being said, I'm 28 and I've had all sorts of epiphanies in the last few years that have really clarified who I am and what I want to myself, so I can only assume the same would be true for him.

rawr. Sidenote: please explain said quote gentle Sir.
 

chris1207

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rawr. Sidenote: please explain said quote gentle Sir.

In my early 20's, I viewed my relationships only in terms of action and reaction, of mutual accountability but now I realize that for some people being their for others just isn't one of their priorities so I've accepted what I am and focus on that. As people move on into their late 20's they truly begin to develop their third cognitive function. For me, that's Se. I've started regularly getting out and about, going for walks and bike-riding and I really enjoy that. Before I never really focused on what made me happy but now I make sure to take a mental note if I am enjoying myself at some party or while out on the town

I make a conscious effort to genuinely develop friendships and relationships with people that I enjoy rather than just living in the moment and either having fun (and being somewhat obnoxious) or becoming withdrawn. I've learned that I don't have to justify myself to anyone and that I certainly shouldn't spend time trying to figure out ways to explain my values to others. I focus much less on people and their reactions to me and more time on gathering knowledge about others epistemically (woah :O Ti, I know :D) I used to stifle my urge to ask people questions that came up in my mind because I didn't want to interrupt them during conversation or I didn't think my questions were good enough. I was also uncomfortable with the fact that I didn't have full knowledge of whatever it was that I was studying or with whomever I was speaking. Now, I've learned to feed that curiosity and as a result I find that my own inquisitiveness and impulsivity have grown. Before it was like I was continually pruning a bush and living with the ugly mangled tree-thing afterwards.

I'm not saying I have all the answers. I'm not saying that I even am living the life that I dream of for myself but I can say I'm much more comfortable being alone and reflecting on myself. Also, I'm talking about myself to illustrate ways in which ENFJ's can develop as they grow older, not because I'm conceited ;)
 

air

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If nothing else, you know that he finds you physically attractive.
:D
She has, however, showed signs of jealousy over my friendship with him (as we often muck around together, but to me that's platonic).
Hehehe, just to clarify, by muck around, which I think is an Australian slang term I just mean... playful banter, teasing, telling elaborate stories together that are completely untrue (just for fun). Who knows what mucking around translates to for other people of other lands =P
 

air

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Who the HELL is this Juice character? :D

I too am one of the ENFJ's from Amargith's man harem. :p And I have RETURNED! RAWR welcome! thanks for coming :)

As far as whether the TC (air?) should go after this relationship: I would imagine at 30 that he would have maturity enough to know whether or not he wants to pursue a relationship with you. agreed Yes, when we're young we ENFJ's are ignorant of what we really want and we play around with poor FP's (and possibly TJ's) emotions, not knowing what the fuck we're doing. I've seen that :) That being said, I'm 28 and I've had all sorts of epiphanies in the last few years that have really clarified who I am and what I want to myself, so I can only assume the same would be true for him.

Also, I think the idea of an ENFJ/ENFP coupling sounds like an exhilarating experience. I haven't known many ENFP women but the ones I have known in real life could turn me on just by having a conversation with me ;) <3

At the very least, it'll be a fun roller coaster ride and I think you should sit him down and let him know where you stand on the issue. If nothing else, you know that he finds you physically attractive.

Thanks so much Chris for your time :) really appreciate your insight.
 

skylights

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But... sigh, he is too good for me and I feel full of myself for even crushing.

Short of him being older, what makes you think he is so out of your league? To me it seems like all people have certain needs and if he has needs that you are able meet, and you have needs that he is able to meet, then you are in one anothers' "leagues".
 
H

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[MENTION=15986]air[/MENTION]

So what exactly is it that we're trying to analyze in this thread? You're hinting that you don't plan on pursuing anything, so what exactly are we trying to figure out?
 

air

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Yeah, I'm not sure, but now I'm hooked on this forum :)

I don't mind if we let this thread die... see you on the other threads xx thanks all
 
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