I was wondering if anyone could shed some light on an issue/problem I am having with a friend? I'm an INFJ.. to my knowledge my friend tested ESFJ or ESTJ a couple of years ago, though I don't know how accurate the test was.
I feel like I understand her but I don't feel that she understands me. Hence, I don't feel I can talk to her about half of the things in my life, how I am feeling, my thoughts, etc. I feel like we don't have that emotional DEPTH to our friendship, and I also feel like I can't discuss things on a very deep level with her because she doesn't seem to comprehend. I think she's amazing in her own ways, but it's like our thinking is just in different places or different levels. So I spend a lot of time not saying what is really on my mind, how I am feeling, etc. So it all slipped out one day when I was feeling particularly emotional, and now I am trying to explain it to her but I have no idea how! I mean, how do you explain something like this to someone? She's a very caring and loyal person, so it's not that she doesn't feel strong emotions.. but how do you explain to someone that you feel they don't have the depth you need and you don't feel like you connect with them on that level. She'd be so confused if I told her that, as though I was speaking nonsense to her. Especially given the combination of her extraversion and sensory preferences - she tends to take things at face value and I am the absolute opposite.
And I just feel so frustrated because I feel like it's become a conflict and I abhor conflict plus I feel like I'm being a jerk to her despite the fact that she's reacted in some tactless and rude ways.
She means a lot to me but I want to have friends who understand me and whom I can be myself around. I feel like I over-accommodate to her personality otherwise if I was more myself, I don't know she'd understand or appreciate it (ex. me voicing my options). So instead, I've kept quiet which has led her to not really get to know me as I am (my doing.. yeah I know), and the friendship has become very one-sided without her fully realizing. From what I know, she just thinks I've become more distant.