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View Poll Results: INFJs: Which type do you think is your ideal romantic match?

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  • ESTJ

    0 0%
  • ISTJ

    0 0%
  • ESTP

    0 0%
  • ISTP

    0 0%
  • ENTJ

    3 6.82%
  • INTJ

    5 11.36%
  • ENTP

    6 13.64%
  • INTP

    7 15.91%
  • ENFJ

    3 6.82%
  • INFJ

    7 15.91%
  • ENFP

    8 18.18%
  • INFP

    4 9.09%
  • ESFJ

    0 0%
  • ISFJ

    1 2.27%
  • ESFP

    0 0%
  • ISFP

    0 0%
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  1. #21
    Temporal Mechanic. Lexicon's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Regarding 'testing the waters', I suppose it depends on the context, but I have to say 'testing the waters' and seeing just how far they can go / what they can get away with / how far they can poke certain boundaries I find very irksome in general and it's a surefire way for me to lose interest and not take them seriously at all. But I don't know if this is what you're speaking to.

    I think back in the day (i.e. years ago) I was more 'charmed' and amused by this, but I now find it very very annoying.
    I think depending on the context & situation, it can be entertaining/amusing, but when it's directed at me- say, regarding topics they may have an awareness I'm sensitive about, etc- I feel terribly invaded- it's almost as if causing me distress to some extent matters less than getting the reactions or information they're trying to extract, or dynamic they want to explore. The things I've shared with them in confidentiality are suddenly irrelevant or dismissed. I realize it's not intentional, but it still happens.

    This creates a need to scale back on my interactions with them to avoid conflict and a sense of breached trust. So, yeah, ENTP's are charming and fun- and badasses in their own way- but there's that.


    I guess with NTJ's there are times that I can feel invaded/cornered, as well, but it's more when they slip into trying to micromanage things in an effort to help me be more "efficient." In the past, I've been annoyed that they felt the need to dispense advice on these day-to-day matters, as if my competence were being put to question- I wondered if they actually thought I was that careless-- and trying to explain this would trigger a butthurt Fi reaction- as they'd feel like I was rejecting their help- which they don't just freely give out to anyone.. but eventually I was able to remind myself to gloss over the overtly directive approach, and look at the drive to assist, underneath. It's like when my INTP friends show their Fe through hospitable behaviors, like making breakfast/coffee. It's very simple, and sweet. It's just pushy when it comes from an NTJ.. but then, everything is.

    I find it generally easier to resolve the conflicts with NTJs than with ENTPs. Possibly due to the content of the arguments, as stated above. ENTP's directly go for the throat without realizing it, picking apart vulnerabilities- whereas NTJ's can sometimes just come off as controlling or condescending. One is far more or less distressing than the other to deal with, in the moment.


    That said, conflicts occur in any relationship- there's no avoiding it. It's all in how well the two parties can resolve it, together.
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  2. #22
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Regarding 'testing the waters', I suppose it depends on the context, but I have to say 'testing the waters' and seeing just how far they can go / what they can get away with / how far they can poke certain boundaries, I find very irksome in general and it's a surefire way for me to not take them seriously at all and also lose respect for them. But I don't know if this is what you're speaking to.

    I think back in the day (i.e. years ago) I was more 'charmed' and amused by this, but I now find it very very annoying.
    Do you think your present lack of tolerance might be stemming out of a past bad experience and a conditioned by some clash with your current expectations/feedback of the interaction?
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  3. #23
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    I think back in the day (i.e. years ago) I was more 'charmed' and amused by this, but I now find it very very annoying.
    When you realize how thin their attentions are spread it can make you feel unimportant and that's a challenge to intimacy. EPs seem especially prone to difficulty being present and focusing on one interaction at a time. I think extreme extraverts require a lot of work to develop their internal Self and until this work is done, you can never be sure who you are relating to. In general, each type has its challenges and benefits. INTPs are often neglectful. ENTPs are often exhausting. INTJs often forget to communicate about important things. Et cetera.

  4. #24
    4x9 cascadeco's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by phobik View Post
    Do you think your present lack of tolerance might be stemming out of a past bad experience and a conditioned by some clash with your current expectations/feedback of the interaction?
    Sure; however, it has happened with more than one ENTP, and I wasn't even in relationships with these individuals. It was a factor though in my not wanting to be in relationships with them / us never getting to a relationship stage, though. It doesn't mean the same dynamic would occur with ALL ENTP's, it just means that I am not very receptive or appreciative of this sort of dynamic in general, so is a reason I'm not in a relationship with one right now!
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  5. #25
    FRACTALICIOUS phobik's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by cascadeco View Post
    Sure; however, it has happened with more than one ENTP, and I wasn't even in relationships with these individuals. It was a factor though in my not wanting to be in relationships with them / us never getting to a relationship stage, though. It doesn't mean the same dynamic would occur with ALL ENTP's, it just means that I am not very receptive or appreciative of this sort of dynamic in general, so is a reason I'm not in a relationship with one right now!
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  6. #26
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    Quote Originally Posted by Lexicon View Post
    I guess with NTJ's there are times that I can feel invaded/cornered, as well, but it's more when they slip into trying to micromanage things in an effort to help me be more "efficient." In the past, I've been annoyed that they felt the need to dispense advice on these day-to-day matters, as if my competence were being put to question- I wondered if they actually thought I was that careless-- and trying to explain this would trigger a butthurt Fi reaction- as they'd feel like I was rejecting their help- which they don't just freely give out to anyone.. but eventually I was able to remind myself to gloss over the overtly directive approach, and look at the drive to assist, underneath. It's like when my INTP friends show their Fe through hospitable behaviors, like making breakfast/coffee. It's very simple, and sweet. It's just pushy when it comes from an NTJ.. but then, everything is.
    Imagine someone brought you a gift, and not only did you say you don't want it, but you got pissed at them for bringing it to you.

    That's what you're doing when you're rejecting our advice.

    Don't reject our love.

    More likely than not, if you actually understand what the NTJ is trying to do, it will make sense, and make your life easier/better.

    If, after considering whether it would make sense (and, please, actually consider it), it does not, then just explain to us why.

    We really do think that the thing we've thought up will make your life better.

    If you convince us that it will not, then we won't have a problem with you not doing it.

    We may feel useless for not being able to help make your life better (if this happens repeatedly).

    Or we may learn how to better consider who you are as a person in devising future "improvements".

    Maybe we'll even realize that such improvements are not necessary, and instead direct our energy to some other more productive activity.

    Even things like "that won't work because when I wake up I'm not in an emotional place to do that" can make sense to us and be accepted.

    But to not accept, or even consider, what we have to offer, is basically to reject what is one of our core strengths.

    If our partner doesn't appreciate one of our core strengths, what the hell are we doing together exactly?

    Does this person appreciate me for who I am? Hell, does this person even really know me??

    Anyway, just shedding some light on the thinking from the NTJ side of the equation.

    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    INTJs often forget to communicate about important things.
    Could you expand on this?

  7. #27
    Glycerine
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    Sorry but I could totally see an Fe user saying the same exact thing.

    But then what you write totally reminds me of my INFP mother. She always forces us to say, "thank you for your advice. I will consider what you said because I know that you really care about me." or she gets incredibly offended. If we don't, she says something along the lines, do you know why I do it? It's because I love you. Fi guilt trip.....RUN. Jk

  8. #28
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    Oh, I think what I wrote can certainly be generalized to a lot more than just NTJs.

    A lot of these kinds of things are always generalizable to more than just one group.

    But NTJs (and TJs, in general) will probably have certain kinds of things they offer advice about more than other types.

    Ours will probably tend to be more impersonal, more mechanical, having to do with some impersonal process that can be improved.

    Other people probably won't think of it, whereas we will probably have some schema going on in our head as to how it is you operate.

    But, yes, I agree that every type will tend to react against/reject the advice of types that specialize in their 7th or 8th functions.

  9. #29
    Undisciplined Starry's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post

    But then what you write totally reminds me of my INFP mother. She always forces us to say, "thank you for your advice. I will consider what you said because I know that you really care about me."
    Whoa...sorry for the off-topic post...but I just needed to write somewhere that...this quote totally reminds me of @PeaceBaby

  10. #30
    Glycerine
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    Quote Originally Posted by Starry View Post
    Whoa...sorry for the off-topic post...but I just needed to write somewhere that...this quote totally reminds me ofPeaceBaby
    Sorry about being off-topic also but... LOL my mom is a 9w1 INFP like peacebaby.

    It still makes me laugh because I could still totally see random Fe users and my mother giving the same rationale that Z did even if NTJs are probably are less sentimental/emotional about it.

    So I was being sneaky and read his post to my mother and she said it was "spot on" for her (leaving out "NTJ").

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