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  1. #61
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrangeAppled View Post

    Keeping tabs on someone just makes you "involved" with them still. People somehow pick up on this "interest", even if you are not directly interacting with them. If you began to detach emotionally/mentally, then even when confronted with "signs" of her you will find less & less response to it within yourself, and she will likely sense this indifference also.
    This (with variations) seems to be the major theme of responses in this thread - so, yeah. I will work on that. I do appreciate everyone's responses.

    I've also realised something. On the occasions when I've undergone unpleasant experiences with someone (most of my experiences with other people are positive or neutral - but there have been some bad ones, obviously), I tend to obsess over what's happened, their motives, how I handled it, what they're thinking and doing now, etc, to the extent that it's almost as though they remain in my life - even though I have removed them from my life. And sometimes (circumstance-dependent) this has lasted for a long time. WHen I post threads like this it's often when the situation is largely over or resolved to the extent possible, and I end up sounding more neurotic about it in retrospect than while actually in the middle of the situation.

    I think it's giving people who are a negative influence in my life too much power over me and I need to watch out for that. I do think that if someone's behaviour has been threatening or abnormal, it may be a good thing to keep a wary eye out - but as I'm prone to over-analysis and obsessiveness, I need to not slip over into those areas.
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  2. #62
    Nips away your dignity Fluffywolf's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I think it's giving people who are a negative influence in my life too much power over me and I need to watch out for that.
    But it makes you a better person because of it. You just need to be careful to know your limits as to how deeply you can deal with this and not cross it, there is a limit as to how much you can obsess about it without it becoming disruptive of your own life, but that's no reason not to obsess over it at all.. I don't think this is wrong behaviour at all.
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  3. #63
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Fluffywolf View Post
    But it makes you a better person because of it. You just need to be careful to know your limits as to how deeply you can deal with this and not cross it, there is a limit as to how much you can obsess about it without it becoming disruptive of your own life, but that's no reason not to obsess over it at all.. I don't think this is wrong behaviour at all.
    Like almost everything in life, it's about finding a balance. I wouldn't want to be a non-analytical person, because I find that people who don't analyze their own lives, actions and reactions at all tend to end up in constant/repetitive bad situations. But I know I do cross that line into obsessing a little too often.
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  4. #64
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Incidentally, latest development... One of my friends who stalker-girl added on FB lives in the same city as both of us. I had told stalker-girl a bit about her (big mistake to tell her about any of my friends, as she glommed onto them particularly if they were on FB), and this friend showed some sympathy and interest in her - also a big mistake. Now she is really pressuring my friend to give her her mobile phone number! Saying she wants to make new friends, etc. I have advised her very strongly to NOT do this, and to let me know if she really hassles her. This friend, btw, is a somewhat emotionally unstable person herself, who is currently pregnant (and stalker-girl knows this), and in a very complex situation in her life and marriage. She doesn't need anything remotely resembling more stress - it could be disastrous, actually.

    So yeah - I'm paranoid, but I don't feel it's entirely without foundation. I get the impression that she either wants to replace me with my friend, or that this is another way for her to continue to have a view into my life and possible influence on it. So bizarre and sad.
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