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  1. #41
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    You said you had stalkerish tendencies and that stalkers make you sick. I'm struggling to understand what looks like overreaction, but I don't know all the details of your interaction.
    People imitate me all the time. I find it amusing.


    Yes, I've been stalked. Threatened. Hacked. Had stuff stolen, including my identity. Malicious stalking can be serious. Someone crushing on you a bit inappropriately? Nothing to work up a sweat about, IMO.
    I am probably a bit too sensitive/emotional to find this kind of behaviour amusing. And when I say I have "stalkerish" tendencies, I am being fairly hard on myself. Yes, I have looked people up on the internet when I'm interested in them, and I daydream too much without enough basis in reality. However, I haven't followed people down the street, or jumped onto public transport with them when they were trying to get away from me, or gone into their building uninvited, or showed up at events that I'd somehow figured out they were going to, or grabbed them and refused to let go, or started imitating their dress and hairstyle, or copied/shadowed their every move on the internet.

    Just curious - would you find that behaviour totally amusing and non-threatening?
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  2. #42
    Senior Member Circle's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    Yes, I've been stalked. Threatened. Hacked. Had stuff stolen, including my identity. Malicious stalking can be serious. Someone crushing on you a bit inappropriately? Nothing to work up a sweat about, IMO.
    To be fair, she at least feels that it's more than "inappropriate crushing". Even if in reality the situation is minor, it's also worth respecting her very real feelings. Now, how she acts on the feelings is something she needs to be careful with.

  3. #43
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    I am probably a bit too sensitive/emotional to find this kind of behaviour amusing. And when I say I have "stalkerish" tendencies, I am being fairly hard on myself. Yes, I have looked people up on the internet when I'm interested in them, and I daydream too much without enough basis in reality. However, I haven't followed people down the street, or jumped onto public transport with them when they were trying to get away from me, or gone into their building uninvited, or showed up at events that I'd somehow figured out they were going to, or grabbed them and refused to let go, or started imitating their dress and hairstyle, or copied/shadowed their every move on the internet.

    Just curious - would you find that behaviour totally amusing and non-threatening?
    You're like 6ft or something, yes? Is she really a physical threat to you? I think she'd annoy me a bit but I'd manage to ignore her. If she violated my space I'd feel justified in responding with enough physical force to ensure she recognised that wasn't a behaviour I was prepared to tolerate. Other than that, just ignore it and eventually it will go away. Obsessing about it isn't helping you any.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  4. #44
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    You're like 6ft or something, yes? Is she really a physical threat to you? I think she'd annoy me a bit but I'd manage to ignore her. If she violated my space I'd feel justified in responding with enough physical force to ensure she recognised that wasn't a behaviour I was prepared to tolerate. Other than that, just ignore it and eventually it will go away. Obsessing about it isn't helping you any.
    She's about a foot shorter than me and not a physical threat (unless she shows up with a weapon someday, which I think is relatively unlikely...), but it is nonetheless quite a distressing and violating feeling to have to practically break someone's fingers to get them to let go of you.

    I am doing my best to ignore, and the situation is much improved but yes, there are still aspects that are bothering me and I slightly wonder if I'll ever entirely get rid of her - especially as she's managed to worm her way into some of my friends' lives and so on (ie. the IRL friends who she added on Facebook, some of whom I'd say have paid far too much attention to her needy passive-aggression.) But anyway, never mind, I guess you and I have a pretty different approach to this stuff.
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  5. #45
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    You're like 6ft or something, yes? Is she really a physical threat to you? I think she'd annoy me a bit but I'd manage to ignore her. If she violated my space I'd feel justified in responding with enough physical force to ensure she recognised that wasn't a behaviour I was prepared to tolerate. Other than that, just ignore it and eventually it will go away. Obsessing about it isn't helping you any.
    Anyone who's ever been hurt, abused, or threatened by another person can tell you that physical size has little to do with it. Some people are just willing to go farther. Some people are more willing to get physical and to violate that fundamental boundary between two people. That being said, if I were threatened physically I would probably involve the police.

  6. #46
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    PM your mutual friends on FB for a bit.

  7. #47
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Circle View Post
    Anyone who's ever been hurt, abused, or threatened by another person can tell you that physical size has little to do with it. Some people are just willing to go farther. Some people are more willing to get physical and to violate that fundamental boundary between two people. That being said, if I were threatened physically I would probably involve the police.
    She's backed off enormously except for the indications that she's still imitating me/monitoring my internet activity, so I haven't had to deal with the following/violation of personal space type stuff any more, not lately. But if she attempts something similar again, I will first call her dad and then suggest that I involve the police.
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  8. #48
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    The girl is disturbed but not dangerous, according to SR's assessment. Excessively punitive treatment seems harsh, IMO. She is already clearly suffering a great deal. A bit of compassion/tolerance wouldn't hurt.
    Quote Originally Posted by Ivy View Post
    Gosh, the world looks so small from up here on my high horse of menstruation.

  9. #49
    Lay the coin on my tongue SilkRoad's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Salomé View Post
    The girl is disturbed but not dangerous, according to SR's assessment. Excessively punitive treatment seems harsh, IMO. She is already clearly suffering a great deal. A bit of compassion/tolerance wouldn't hurt.
    In general I very much agree with your last comment. Unfortunately I tried that with a very long time with her. I had more people than I can count tell me that they wouldn't put up with an ounce of what I was dealing with, or that I was being overly compassionate/tolerant. All my compassion and tolerance ended up exhausted with this person.

    I felt very much for the fact that she was obviously suffering. The thing is, I know other people who suffer with serious mental illness and the like and who still manage to be pleasant people to be around. Perhaps she's a little too young to have learned all that - but she's almost 20, not a complete child. I held out a lot of hope for quite a while as I saw her potential. I have now given up trying to see her potential.
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  10. #50
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    Quote Originally Posted by SilkRoad View Post
    She's backed off enormously except for the indications that she's still imitating me/monitoring my internet activity, so I haven't had to deal with the following/violation of personal space type stuff any more, not lately. But if she attempts something similar again, I will first call her dad and then suggest that I involve the police.


    I think you should pay less attention to her. Really.

    I think you're a little too wrapped up in this as well if you care that much she's watching you on the Internet, unless she's directly contacting you.

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