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[INFP] Cynical INFP's

Joehobo

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Greetings. This is my first thread, yay me. :whistling: I half wish it was on something a little more positive but oh well.
Feel free to share your own experiences here on this, do you as an INFP experience a disturbing amount of cynicism in your life - either from within yourself, or other people in their views on you?
Please give reasons as to the whys, what and hows. I'm curious to see how people deal with this if it is present within your life and how it manifests itself in your day to day living especially in regards to interpersonal relationships.

Looking forward to see your replies, any input would be nice especially perspectives from types other than the INFP type and how they see them. :)

Sorry if there is an old thread covering this, I am new here still and didn't want to revive any old ones.
 

Tyrinth

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I'm the most cynical person I know... So... Yes?

I'm really not completely sure what you want here...
 

Tyrinth

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I'm asking for shared experiences here. Where you always cynical or did a series of events cause you to head in that direction.

Hah, no I was not always cynical. A long series of events paired with how my own mind works has been pushing me in that direction.
 

Joehobo

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Hah, no I was not always cynical. A long series of events paired with how my own mind works has been pushing me in that direction.

Your own mind works, high expectations played a part in this right? People closest to you disappointing you, making you feel left out to dry. Am I missing the mark?
 

Tyrinth

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Your own mind works, high expectations played a part in this right? People closest to you disappointing you, making you feel left out to dry. Am I missing the mark?

Haha, no, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Those aren't the only things that factor in, but they are some of the bigger ones.
 

Southern Kross

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No I wasn't always cynical. In my memory I was a wide-eyed, naive, idealist as a child, but after your soul gets crushed repeatedly over time, cynicism starts to creep in.

I think cynicism for INFPs allows us the best of both worlds: you get to express your idealistic side and bemoan society's failure to live up to your ideal, while at the same time avoiding coming across as some pathetic sad sap. I guess what I'm saying is, it's not just a reflection of our attitude to life but also is a socially acceptable form of authentic expression of self.

Cynicism + sarcastic humour is even more epic, because it's just generally awesome, and because, in reality, I'm only ever half joking; although people rarely work this out.
 

Joehobo

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Haha, no, you pretty much hit the nail on the head there. Those aren't the only things that factor in, but they are some of the bigger ones.

The other and bigger ones being things you aren't really comfortable to share? If that isn't the case, please do. :)


No I wasn't always cynical. In my memory I was a wide-eyed, naive, idealist as a child, but after your soul gets crushed repeatedly over time, cynicism starts to creep in.

I think cynicism for INFPs allows us the best of both worlds: you get to express your idealistic side and bemoan society's failure to live up to your ideal, while at the same time avoiding coming across as some pathetic sad sap. I guess what I'm saying is, it's not just a reflection of our attitude to life but also is a socially acceptable form of authentic expression of self.

Cynicism + sarcastic humour is even more epic, because it's just generally awesome, and because, in reality, I'm only ever half joking; although people rarely work this out.

A rather positive light you're putting this in, I've always thought it to be a negative trait to be cynical but I guess I could just be looking at it all wrong. It seems like an inherent flaw in idealists, the idea of having to become that way sounds depressing just so we can conform and be socially acceptable, is this really the best road to go down? Lately I've been told by those close to me that I'm becoming less of how I used to be, and more cynical in nature. Yet I feel that because of those same people I'm heading in that direction so I can't help but think that the problem is us to begin with or we just need to be around more like minded people to keep ourselves intact - so to speak.
Is this just how we are all ment to grow into?

It is epic humour, painful to differentiate on the interwebz though haha.
 

Tyrinth

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The other and bigger ones being things you aren't really comfortable to share? If that isn't the case, please do. :)

Hmmm. My parents' divorce, having my mom repeatedly send me to the hospital, being largely socially excluded in school, and countless little reasons. Nothing really recent though.

I'd wager that no one was always a cynical person, it seems to be an acquired state of mind.
 

Joehobo

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Hmmm. My parents' divorce, having my mom repeatedly send me to the hospital, being largely socially excluded in school, and countless little reasons. Nothing really recent though.

I'd wager that no one was always a cynical person, it seems to be an acquired state of mind.

Did your mother start doing that because of your reaction to the divorce? I remember my father would tell me I needed it but truthfully I think his more emotionally reactive than I am. I can't imagine what it would of been like actually having to go through with that. :shock:
I get the whole thing at school, and the divorce though.

Yeah, it seems to be that way. Our poor little souls being repeatedly trampled on. Are we just playing victim or do we need to be this way?
 

Tyrinth

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Did your mother start doing that because of your reaction to the divorce?
Yeah, pretty much. I've changed a lot since then, and apparently she hasn't thought it was for the better. :shrug: Oh well, what are you going to do?
Yeah, it seems to be that way. Our poor little souls being repeatedly trampled on. Are we just playing victim or do we need to be this way.

Haha, good question. It was a question, right? It sure seemed like one, despite the period, albeit maybe a rhetorical one.
 

Joehobo

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Yeah, pretty much. I've changed a lot since then, and apparently she hasn't thought it was for the better. :shrug: Oh well, what are you going to do?


Haha, good question. It was a question, right? It sure seemed like one, despite the period, albeit maybe a rhetorical one.

Do you feel you've changed for the better? Ha, maybe because after putting you through that your attitude towards her grew worse. You just can't please some people.

Ah yes it was a question, I'll edit it. :)
Whats your thought on it?
 

OrangeAppled

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My immediate family complains that I'm too negative & critical. I tend to see the glass half full in regards to the present, and this can spill over into my view of the future if I'm having trouble finding any hope.

On the other hand, I can be really idealistic & only see positive potential if something seems to relate to an ideal, which often sets me up for great disappointment later. This is basically a cycle I go through... it seems like the times of dejection last the longest though. I think cynicism is aimed to be a self-protection from that disappointment, so I don't fall so hard when it doesn't work out. A part of me is desperately hoping something will work out or even naively expecting it to, & another part of me is dismissively saying, "Get real & prepare to be let down".
 

Joehobo

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My immediate family complains that I'm too negative & critical. I tend to see the glass half full in regards to the present, and this can spill over into my view of the future if I'm having trouble finding any hope.

On the other hand, I can be really idealistic & only see positive potential if something seems to relate to an ideal, which often sets me up for great disappointment later. This is basically a cycle I go through... it seems like the times of dejection last the longest though. I think cynicism is aimed to be a self-protection from that disappointment, so I don't fall so hard when it doesn't work out. A part of me is desperately hoping something will work out or even naively expecting it to, & another part of me is dismissively saying, "Get real & prepare to be let down".

I bet that tends to grate your nerves a little. I find being told you are a pessimistic person to be like a smack in the face, just because you don't see it yourself.

Have you found a balance where you just have realistic expectations, and switch off that idealistic view that just keeps putting you in those cycles? I can really relate with what you have described here. It is a frustrating process. That end bit bolded - that took the words right out of me haha.
 

Southern Kross

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A rather positive light you're putting this in, I've always thought it to be a negative trait to be cynical but I guess I could just be looking at it all wrong. It seems like an inherent flaw in idealists, the idea of having to become that way sounds depressing just so we can conform and be socially acceptable, is this really the best road to go down? Lately I've been told by those close to me that I'm becoming less of how I used to be, and more cynical in nature. Yet I feel that because of those same people I'm heading in that direction so I can't help but think that the problem is us to begin with or we just need to be around more like minded people to keep ourselves intact - so to speak.
Is this just how we are all ment to grow into?

It is epic humour, painful to differentiate on the interwebz though haha.
What? You mean you were getting all cynical about cynicism? :huh: :D

Well, I have a upbeat cynicism; I'm negative but in the best possible way. I don't know if being around like-minded people will help; personally I've been conditioned to use cynical humour and it's hard to snap out of it. And at times it's taken way too far and I sometimes feel like it's more of a nervous reaction to my lack of appropriate communication skills.

My immediate family complains that I'm too negative & critical. I tend to see the glass half full in regards to the present, and this can spill over into my view of the future if I'm having trouble finding any hope.
Yeah. I mean, isn't cynicism against the law in America?
 

Joehobo

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What? You mean you were getting all cynical about cynicism? :huh: :D

Well, I have a upbeat cynicism; I'm negative but in the best possible way. I don't know if being around like-minded people will help; personally I've been conditioned to use cynical humour and it's hard to snap out of it. And at times it's taken way too far and I sometimes feel like it's more of a nervous reaction to my lack of appropriate communication skills.


Yeah. I mean, isn't cynicism against the law in America?

Haha, I guess I was!

Same goes for you, an upbeat cynicism? Sooo you are an optimistic cynic? :p
Hm maybe. Do you think they'd just let you down just as much? Man. Balancing expectation seems ridiculously hard.
What made you conditioned to it? Care to give an example of one of these nervous reactions?
 

Southern Kross

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Same goes for you, an upbeat cynicism? Sooo you are an optimistic cynic? :p
Hm maybe. Do you think they'd just let you down just as much? Man. Balancing expectation seems ridiculously hard.
Sort of. I never fully lose hope, even though I dramatically throw my hands up in despair on a regular basis.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

What made you conditioned to it? Care to give an example of one of these nervous reactions?
I suppose what conditioned me was the sort of derision I encountered in response to my intense earnestness when I was younger. Cynical humour seemed to help with social interaction, and at the same time it allowed me to remain authentic to my inner self. I suppose I latched onto something like that; something that helped me connect and communicate my thoughts and feelings to others in a socially appropriate way. Unfortunately I've taken it too far and now I struggle to go back to earnestness.

An example? I suppose I'm not good at telling the people close to me how much I care about them, so I engage in cynical banter with them instead. Like I said, I don't know how to switch back to heartfelt expression. I have been trying to work on this lately though...
 

Joehobo

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Sort of. I never fully lose hope, even though I dramatically throw my hands up in despair on a regular basis.

Hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

I suppose what conditioned me was the sort of derision I encountered in response to my intense earnestness when I was younger. Cynical humour seemed to help with social interaction, and at the same time it allowed me to remain authentic to my inner self. I suppose I latched onto something like that; something that helped me connect and communicate my thoughts and feelings to others in a socially appropriate way. Unfortunately I've taken it too far and now I struggle to go back to earnestness.

An example? I suppose I'm not good at telling the people close to me how much I care about them, so I engage in cynical banter with them instead. Like I said, I don't know how to switch back to heartfelt expression. I have been trying to work on this lately though...

I hate the sound of being bent to appease others though that doesn't seem to be the case with you, the conditioning itself sucks but atleast you found a middle ground in staying true to you.
I get what you mean with the earnestness. Actually I feel the same way about that to be honest. Now I just get told I'm pessimistic but I don't feel like that is true at all.

I found switching back just made for sloppy expression, people get taken aback and sometimes react in a way you really don't anticipate/want, hashing it out still though haha.
 

Southern Kross

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I found switching back just made for sloppy expression, people get taken aback and sometimes react in a way you really don't anticipate/want, hashing it out still though haha.
Yeah, this is the other problem: getting put off yet again by shitty responses. Damned if you do, damned if you don't... :doh:
 
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