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Thread: Cynical INFP's

  1. #21
    Glycerine
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    It's a sad sight to see.

  2. #22
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    Yeah, this is the other problem: getting put off yet again by shitty responses. Damned if you do, damned if you don't...
    Yeah, funny thing is though I do it to other people aswell.
    Guess we all just gotta suck it up and get over the unrealistic expectations. Even if that means taking everything with a bit of salt, yes?

    Quote Originally Posted by Glycerine View Post
    It's a sad sight to see.
    I guess, not as sad as becoming self destructive though and just feeding anxieties.
    Honestly I'm just feeling more and more like there is little alternatives. Hopefully it just balances out after awhile.
    My expectations of people is actually destroying my closest relationships right now.

  3. #23
    actinomycetes raindancing's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post
    No I wasn't always cynical. In my memory I was a wide-eyed, naive, idealist as a child, but after your soul gets crushed repeatedly over time, cynicism starts to creep in.

    I think cynicism for INFPs allows us the best of both worlds: you get to express your idealistic side and bemoan society's failure to live up to your ideal, while at the same time avoiding coming across as some pathetic sad sap. I guess what I'm saying is, it's not just a reflection of our attitude to life but also is a socially acceptable form of authentic expression of self.

    Cynicism + sarcastic humour is even more epic, because it's just generally awesome, and because, in reality, I'm only ever half joking; although people rarely work this out.
    Wow it's like you looked in my head.
    And the bold,
    (I end up doing this for my own entertainment sometimes... How far can I go before they finally realize I actually mean it? Seems to inevitably happen when I'm interacting with family.)

    Quote Originally Posted by Southern Kross View Post

    I suppose what conditioned me was the sort of derision I encountered in response to my intense earnestness when I was younger. Cynical humour seemed to help with social interaction, and at the same time it allowed me to remain authentic to my inner self. I suppose I latched onto something like that; something that helped me connect and communicate my thoughts and feelings to others in a socially appropriate way. Unfortunately I've taken it too far and now I struggle to go back to earnestness.

    An example? I suppose I'm not good at telling the people close to me how much I care about them, so I engage in cynical banter with them instead. Like I said, I don't know how to switch back to heartfelt expression. I have been trying to work on this lately though...
    Again, I could have written this...

    I was so intense and passionate as a child... people's reactions were almost always like a glass of ice water thrown in my face. It wasn't pleasant, cynicism became a kind of defense. Protecting the vulnerable parts of me. Over my teenage years I felt like I was losing myself and became extremely depressed, I either couldn't express what was important to me or I was afraid to.
    I went through a lot of emotional abuse as a kid, which I'm sure played its part.

    I remember when I first learned about abortion... I must have been around 6-7 years old. I heard something about it, and asked my parents. I don't remember what they said, but they are very anti-abortion, so I can imagine. I'm sure they didn't realize how intense my reaction would be. I don't even know how to express how it made me feel. Such absolute sorrow. The world suddenly became... I don't know. It was like I was being crushed. I think I asked a few questions when they told me, and otherwise took it calmly. Later, we went to church, and in the middle of the singing I broke down. Uncontrollable shaking, just waves and waves of unbearable pain. I ran out, down the aisle, the entire congregation staring at me, sobbing.
    When my parents found me, and asked what was wrong, I wouldn't tell them. It was this horror that suddenly made everything meaningless. People didn't deserve to live. No one. I saw my parents, who walked blithely around living their lives, holding this knowledge. I hated them. I hated them more than people who actually did it. I figured, the people who did it, they didn't think it was wrong, but my parents... they said it was terrible, and yet they didn't do anything. They didn't even have an emotional reaction. They had told me about it with an air of moral superiority. It made me sick. I could barely look at them for weeks. Even now, remembering how I felt... I'm shaking.


    Oh and just a little note, I moved to New Zealand when I was 18, totally different group of people than those I knew in the USA. Much more embracing of cynicism.

    I don't really see cynicism as inherently negative, my humor is very often of the cynical variety... and it's the sort I enjoy most in others.
    I kind of see myself as idealistic and cynical. Does this make any sense?
    Lately I've gotten better at opening my deeper, truer self. More confidence, extremely supportive partner. Writing has made a huge difference.
    Perhaps I've become so cynical I don't give a shit what people think.
    “Can a man of perception respect himself at all?”
    ― Fyodor Dostoyevsky

  4. #24
    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Wow it's like you looked in my head.
    And the bold,
    (I end up doing this for my own entertainment sometimes... How far can I go before they finally realize I actually mean it? Seems to inevitably happen when I'm interacting with family.)
    So other INFPs do this too? Interesting.

    Again, I could have written this...

    I was so intense and passionate as a child... people's reactions were almost always like a glass of ice water thrown in my face. It wasn't pleasant, cynicism became a kind of defense. Protecting the vulnerable parts of me. Over my teenage years I felt like I was losing myself and became extremely depressed, I either couldn't express what was important to me or I was afraid to.
    I went through a lot of emotional abuse as a kid, which I'm sure took played its part.
    Yeah, I was a horrible teenager, especially ages 15-18. I was rather moody, bitter, and negative, which, I suppose reflected my frustration with my inability to freely express myself and properly connect with people.

    Sometimes you've got to endeavour to find appropriate ways to channel your thoughts and feelings, when your more natural modes of expression fail to work. I suppose cynicism is one of them for me.
    INFP 4w5 so/sp

    I've dreamt in my life dreams that have stayed with me ever after, and changed my ideas;
    they've gone through and through me, like wine through water, and altered the colour of my mind.

    - Emily Bronte

  5. #25
    lab rat extraordinaire CrystalViolet's Avatar
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    Extremely cynical these days.
    Currently submerged under an avalanche of books and paper work. I may come back up for air from time to time.
    Real life awaits and she is a demanding mistress.

    [SIGPIC][/SIGPIC]

  6. #26

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    Cynicism seems par for the course as an NF. A cynic being a disappointing idealist.

  7. #27
    Senior Member The Outsider's Avatar
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    I am not cynical at all.

  8. #28
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    The cynic phase is practically a rite of passage for an INFP.

  9. #29
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by raindancing View Post
    Over my teenage years I felt like I was losing myself and became extremely depressed, I either couldn't express what was important to me or I was afraid to.
    I went through a lot of emotional abuse as a kid, which I'm sure played its part.
    I experienced a similar thing in my teen years, inspite of the differing experiences.
    Also partly to do with as Southern Kross stated, a frustration with feeling unable to express yourself and connect with people.

    Quote Originally Posted by CrystalViolet View Post
    Extremely cynical these days.
    Would you like to share your thoughts on this topic?

    Quote Originally Posted by wolfy View Post
    Cynicism seems par for the course as an NF. A cynic being a disappointing idealist.
    Yeah, this definitely affects NF's across the board.

    Quote Originally Posted by Udog View Post
    The cynic phase is practically a rite of passage for an INFP.
    So what's the end result, who walks out from this passage alive? Is the end result battle hardened grizzled veteran? Or a broken fool gone mad? Haha. Is this cynic phase ment to kick in your 20's?

  10. #30
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Joehobo View Post
    So what's the end result, who walks out from this passage alive? Is the end result battle hardened grizzled veteran? Or a broken fool gone mad? Haha. Is this cynic phase ment to kick in your 20's?
    I think some INFPs manage to avoid it, but it's pretty common. It usually kicks in around the time we realize that the real world doesn't cooperate with our idealism, which seems to frequently occur during our teenage years and early 20s.

    The end result depends on how the INFP processes it. Some never outgrow it and remain cynics. Others become "battle hardened grizzled veterans". Some get broken. And many out grow it, and figure out how to mesh idealism with reality while avoiding the negative emotions of cynicism. Personally, I find the last to be the ideal solution.

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