[MBTI General] Nonsocial ENFPs

[phoenix13]

I'm awfully nonsocial... not too shy, not depressed, not introverted, but awfully nonsocial. Less social than my INFP best friend.

Are any other ENFPs nonsocial?

And I'm defining nonsocial as not bothering to meet new people, hating small talk, prefering to spend the weekend in your room, not wanting to socialize, etc.

 

[Haphazard]

If that's your definition of antisocial, then what's your definition of introverted?

 

[phoenix13]

defining the world in terms of yourself as opposed to defining yourself in terms of the environment. Having your dominant function be introverted (ex, Ni). Being energized by time alone as opposed to being energized by people.

 

[Haphazard]

defining the world in terms of yourself as opposed to defining yourself in terms of the environment. Having your dominant function be introverted (ex, Ni). Being energized by time alone as opposed to being energized by people.

So, you enjoy being exhausted?

It's plausible, I guess...

 

[SillySapienne]

HOLLAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

Although I inherently have a *love* for people, in actuality, I tend not to *like* them.

I can be, and am, pretty asocial, and this has been the case, off and on, since I was 13 or so.

I've been hurt and disappointed by people more or less consistently throughout much of the ladder half of my life. People can be boring, mean, delusional, self-obsessed and dumb.

I enjoy myself, and incidentally, also my company.

I am down for exceptional people, and I am down for kids, everyone else I tend to be a bit wary of.

But from a distance and, or a theoretical standpoint, I can handle and even "enjoy" most people.

 

[phoenix13]

Haphazard, I'm going to throttle you...
and I can definitely relate to the social selectivity, CC.

 

[Haphazard]

Haphazard, I'm going to throttle you...
and I can definitely relate to the social selectivity, CC.

If you want to throttle me, get in line.

It's fine if you want to be antisocial, but I'm just curious as to why.

 

[phoenix13]

Wait in line?! Whatever!

Why am I so antisocial... uh... so development of Fi probably has something to do with it. There was some switch where junior year of college I didn't need to be around people anymore. Then I got lazy and didn't make the effort to get together with people. Currently it takes me 2 to 4 days to call people back (and I don't answer because I don't feel like saying no to hang-out requests), and only go out every other weekend or so.

Then there's social selectivity. Other than 2 close friends of mine, people just bore me. They're not boring per se, but I just don't get much out of small talk, and don't care about the things they do.

Oh yeah, then there's the whole romance phobia where I get blind-sighted a lot. This makes me really awkward and probably deters people from getting to know me.

Now that's how you do a self-indulgent monologue! In summary, I'm not sure, but I'm not bitter.

 

[Skittles]

I think you're right about the Fi thing. I developed mine around high school too, nowadays I mostly stay with my room. My environment plays a big part of it.. my campus is notorious for fostering shallow, dumb, rich and snobby kids, and I have no interest at all in talking to them. The friends that I have made are a small group, and they either want to go out drinking every week or sit around and talk all day.. which can be nice but I wanna get up and go do somethin! Sigh, being around IP's all the time can be frustrating..

 

[Domino]

My sister (ENFP) is extremely gregarious. I have to flee her sometimes. :-D

Maybe people are just wearing you out? I know Sis gets burnt out on "bad" vibes pretty fast.

 

[sriv]

ENFPs are quite I. They spend too much time expelling energy out of all holes in their body faster than the speed of light so I would expect they need some time to re-energize.

My friend defines the world in terms of himself. I think it relates to the deep-seated values the NFP has (Fi).

 

[SillySapienne]

sriv:

Personally, I never need time alone to "re-energize", rather I need time alone to, well, *be* with only me. I enjoy introspecting, lol, almost to a detrimental degree.

I need time alone to think about life in general and my life particularly, which includes thinking about my existence, who I am, how I feel, what I want, and "where" I want to be.

And what do you mean by, "My friend defines the world in terms of himself"? I don't know what defining the world in terms of yourself is suppose to mean.

 

[phoenix13]

I think he was refering to my comment about introverts defining the world in terms of themselves.
You're right Sriv. Our feeling function is introverted, but it's not our dominant function. Extroverted intuition is, which functions in terms of the environment, which is what makes us extroverts. Whachaw! (I make funny noises when I'm tired.)

 

[nozflubber]

plz stop confusing being non-social with anti-social. It makes people whine, like I'm doing right now!

 

[CzeCze]

On Type

Tell us NozFlub -- what is the difference between anti and non social?

And YES!!! Please, let's talk about this ENFPs.

I have my own theories -- ENFPs are way too wussy for our own good and we need to escape from the cruel, cruel world sometimes. I have literally dropped off the radar for months at a time (and somewhat what I'm doing now) and it does NOT energize me and it does NOT nourish me.

There is a line where time alone is wonderful and I savor it and it gives me external peace which makes up for the constant cacaphony in my mind. With the Ne -- it is exhausting at times to be 'outside' but still energizing in it's own way. And interesting what Pink said about Si - yeah, bad vibes are my kryptonite, I'm like a psychic receptor or thermometer and it's hard for me to just 'shake it off' unless I've written off the whole thing.

I think also, ENFPs are really bad at moderation and consistency and weak Si makes for bad record taking sometimes because I often realize I have gone WAY TOO FAR in my 'non social/anti-social' kick and have become lonely, depressed, socially riztarded and just not doing jack with myself in general. I have officially taken 2 steps back in my attempt to take 1 step forward by being 'meditative' and doing it like an 'I'.

 

[CzeCze]

On CzeCze

So all the healthy, moderate, understandable, healthy reasons and motivations for having alone time aside -- for me, the ruler (or is that tie-breaker) is fear. Fear makes me disengage and hide from the world, fear makes me scared of people and interactions, fear makes me not want anyone to see me. I definitely can get so preoccupied with failure and doubt that I'm literally frozen and make my decision by default.

And seriously 'staying in my room' literally and figuratively has been my 'default' many a time.

This is a special level of purgatory reserved for attention whore 'E's -- because I am ENFP to the bone and I am my own worst enemy. Between my needs (to be out with the world and be the best I can be for myself and others) and my my neurotic fears and all the stress and adrenalin from the ongoing internally sourced conflict -- I'm seriously strangling the person inside and stunting my growth.

It's something I've been dealing with for years. Hopefully, mine is an isolated 'CzeCze sucks' reason and not applicable to type.

Sorry for the long post...again.

But did you see how I camoflouged it by splitting my post?

I know I'm so clever for an NF.

 

[nozflubber]

anti is a prefix that literally means against or antagonistic to. Ted Bundy strangled raped and bludgeoned roughly 35 white women to death as personal vengance against women. That's anti-social. Isaac Newton spent 20 years of solitude in a basement looking for the Philosopher's Stone. That's non-social.

Just because you don't engage in the social world doesn't mean you're against it.

It's like saying you're anti-Christian because you don't go to church or accept Jesus. You're not ANTI, you're non. (unless you're really antichristian that is!)

 

[Haphazard]

anti is a prefix that literally means against or antagonistic to. Ted Bundy strangled raped and bludgeoned roughly 35 white women to death as personal vengance against women. That's anti-social. Isaac Newton spent 20 years of solitude in a basement looking for the Philosopher's Stone. That's non-social.

Just because you don't engage in the social world doesn't mean you're against it.

It's like saying you're anti-Christian because you don't go to church or accept Jesus. You're not ANTI, you're non. (unless you're really antichristian that is!)

Thank you.

(I remember at a Thanksgiving dinner being told off by a distant relative for being 'antisocial' because I had brought a book to the table, and I told them, "I'm not being antisocial, I'm being nonsocial -- there's a difference. If you'd rather me be antisocial, I'd be happy to oblige.)

Hmm. Normally I'm just so shut up because I have nothing to add to the conversation. I spend a lot of my time doing things that are uninteresting to most people so I just have nothing to talk about. When I finally do come up with something to say and the proper way to say it, people are so shocked that they just look at me funny and keep going. The only thing I'm good at is giving suggestions, but in random conversation it rarely ever gets to that point.

But, umm, CzeCze, what is it exactly that you're afraid of...?

 

[phoenix13]

Oh, you gosh darn pandas with your valid points! I changed the first post, but I don't know how to change the thread title.

Hap, it sounds like you have the same problem, but expressed it in terms of yourself. Very introverted, very cool indeed.

Cze Cze, you've piqued my interest... what is this fear of which you speak? I don't believe I have it, so maybe it's not a common ENFP thing...?

 

[arcticangel02]

I think you're right about the Fi thing. I developed mine around high school too, nowadays I mostly stay with my room. My environment plays a big part of it.. my campus is notorious for fostering shallow, dumb, rich and snobby kids, and I have no interest at all in talking to them. The friends that I have made are a small group, and they either want to go out drinking every week or sit around and talk all day.. which can be nice but I wanna get up and go do somethin! Sigh, being around IP's all the time can be frustrating..

That sounds about right!

When I get the right people, the right conversation, it energises me incredibly - there's nothing quite like it! But for the most part I am very passively social - I very rarely organise something myself, but I will only ever turn your invitation down if I'm already busy with something else important. ^^

As far as when I'm actually out, socialising? I am not a big talker (unless we've hit that right conversation above), and I always feel slightly guilty if I steer the conversation at all towards something I'm interested in. Besides, most other people are more than happy to take the lead on that one - so I let them.

And especially when it's a group situation, my lack of desire to put in imput that really has no interest for me, often results in my sitting back and enjoying the conversation without much imput at all... there have been times when I have suddenly realised that after 20 minutes of conversation I have said approximately nothing, and am not actually involved at all, even though I felt like I was.

And definitely, some types energise me more than others - my INTP friend and I frequently hit topics of intense interest to both of us, which equals great, engaging conversation. My ENTP friend and I bounce weird thoughts and random tidbits off each other and spend the whole time laughing.

But some other types, it's just a miss with conversation. We don't quite get each other, and so I don't say anything, and we don't talk much at all.