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[MBTI General] Nonsocial ENFPs

CzeCze

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Sep 11, 2007
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More talking about ME an ENFP (that rhymes)

That's why ENPs are usually so ho-hum in ordinary situations: it's hard for Ne to activate.

You know, your comments (here and on other threads) about why ENFPs seem so 'unENFP' have been very enlightening to me. I've often wondered in social situations or just out and about running errands -- why aren't I making more small talk? And when I see people being really extroverted and chatty and loud or entertaining people or telling their life storie to random sales clerks and waiters I think -- why aren't I doing that? Am I supposed to be doing that? I think I'm supposed to be doing that -- I'm ENFP aren't I???

I thought maybe I was a repressed or non-higher functioning ENFP. I think there is still some vestiges of social conditioning and negative experiences I'm trying to shake off at the same time.

But -- it's nice to know there is a typological explanation as well. And a new theory I hadn't read up on elsewhere. Thanks Nemo!

I also think my ideas of 'extroversion' are very American culture based on classic ESFJ or ESXP archetype. I definitely do a lot of sizing up and observation when I first meet people and am put in new situations and also believe in propriety to a greater extent than my age peers. And it's true, I don't feel my switches being flipped on all the time. At the same time, there are definitely situations where you have to rein in the ENXP-ness or just get :shock: looks and people slowly backing away from you -- just like how any type or person has to modify themselves to get along in the social world.
 

CzeCze

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Miss/Mr Phoenix said:
Cze Cze, you've piqued my interest... what is this fear of which you speak? I don't believe I have it, so maybe it's not a common ENFP thing...?

You don't? LUCKY.

I have vestiges of social anxiety as an adolescent to early adult. Being around people could make me physically panic -- and in totally normal everday situations like waiting on the sidewalk for the bus or walking up the stairs to get to class (and I went to a small highschool). Through it all, I must have worn out my poor adrenal glands. :p So in other words "I ha[d] issues" -- hahaahahah -- but have dealt with the bulk of it...(Yes, I have!!!)

I'm not sure how related/exacerbated etc. being ENFP had with this or how this has all played itself out in my personality makeup. How much was unusual life circumstances? Chemical/hormonal imbalances? Etc.

Part of the fun of being on a site like this to pic everyone's brains and lurk hear from others.

Of course there's no people that have like ZERO social interaction, but certains behaviors could be considered nonsocial, like CzeCze's room lurking!

:huh:

Damn you Noz

Seriously, how do you know? Does it show up??? OMG, I thought I freakin' blocked it!!!

I mean...

I don't lurk. :dry:

Reaction to CC1's post

Now I'm confused...so you related to what I said? Or you didn't? I don't get emoticon humor sometimes...

:huh:

:thinking:
 

Xander

Lex Parsimoniae
Joined
Apr 24, 2007
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4,463
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INTP
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9w8
Why do ENFPs need lot's of time alone? Isn't that so they can work out the next conspiracy to make them feel alone? That must take some thinking time :devil:

Seriously though I'm figuring that as with other type it's possible to get non people focused ENFPs. It's not that they're nonsocial as such, just that people don't fascinate them. At which point if they are smarter than the general populace then it's highly possible that what interests them is above the normal conversation of people which will only serve to further demotivate the ENFP from making contact.

Oh I do also agree with CzeCze. ENFPs could do with more than a couple of NT friends. Not so they feel like outcasts but just so the fluff is neatly trimmed for later in life (that sounds so dodgy...).

Ah and the particular subject I have in mind is an ENFP friend of mine who's being reclusive at the moment. It's not really helping him or energising him except to do the projects he sets himself to avoid the one's that really need tackling.

It's kind of a shame that the MBTI doesn't give more guidance on where to slap a certain type to get them to open their eyes.. I'll find out but no doubt I'll be put to the flame before I find out. Good thing I'm fire retardant these days.
 

illume

New member
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Aug 5, 2007
Messages
89
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ENFP
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4w3
I work in a Corporate setting with close to 500 employees. I am easily one of the most well-known, gregarious and probably the most popular person here. I know how to make people laugh, am good at listening to problems and am even popular with the stuffed shirts. I am an advocate for the employees and generally am fond of most of the people here. However, my true friends number about two and when I leave here for the day I am the most introverted person on the planet. I refuse to leave my home, answer the phone, attend functions or even watch televison (unless scientific in nature). I am not social unless my job forces me to be otherwise.

I was always very shy and made myself extrovert so that I could function more comfortably in the world. I would not classify myself as a true extrovert. I spend many hours daily ruminating. I could not function otherwise.
 

sriv

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Apr 19, 2008
Messages
418
MBTI Type
JIxT
Why do ENFPs need lot's of time alone? Isn't that so they can work out the next conspiracy to make them feel alone? That must take some thinking time :devil:

Seriously though I'm figuring that as with other type it's possible to get non people focused ENFPs. It's not that they're nonsocial as such, just that people don't fascinate them. At which point if they are smarter than the general populace then it's highly possible that what interests them is above the normal conversation of people which will only serve to further demotivate the ENFP from making contact.

Oh I do also agree with CzeCze. ENFPs could do with more than a couple of NT friends. Not so they feel like outcasts but just so the fluff is neatly trimmed for later in life (that sounds so dodgy...).

It's kind of a shame that the MBTI doesn't give more guidance on where to slap a certain type to get them to open their eyes.. I'll find out but no doubt I'll be put to the flame before I find out. Good thing I'm fire retardant these days.

Nice description. I completely agree.

My ENFP friend is very intellectual and conversations that do not get deep, go fast, or are stimulating enough for him, he MAKES them go that way. He turns instead to aggression, hedonism for stimulation, and "saying stuff to see their reaction".

Yep, that's where the rant threads come in handy. I thrive under fire.
 

alcea rosea

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I work in a Corporate setting with close to 500 employees. I am easily one of the most well-known, gregarious and probably the most popular person here. I know how to make people laugh, am good at listening to problems and am even popular with the stuffed shirts. I am an advocate for the employees and generally am fond of most of the people here. However, my true friends number about two and when I leave here for the day I am the most introverted person on the planet. I refuse to leave my home, answer the phone, attend functions or even watch televison (unless scientific in nature). .

I can relate very much to this post even if I'm not the most popular person in my workplace. ;) I'm very social at the workplace and I am constantly talking with somebody and I love to talk with lots of different kinds of people most of the workday. So I use most of my workdays talking with somebody and it energizes me very much. But...

...when I get home I'm very much what was described up there. I am in a way very private person and I am not willing to let too many people close to me. Only few are close to me and I prefer to keep it that way. I very much want to keep my freedom and I hate clingy and boring people and very few people can be friends with me the way I prefer it and not to bore me in the long run.

So, I am the weirdest combination of overly social and nonsocial person. I am very open but I am very cohesive at the same time. I let people know stuff about me but I wont let them really know me. I trust people too much but on the other hand I really trust only very few people. These traits of me can be confusing to people and many people have misunderstood my openness and friendliness just to find out that I wont let them "in" to my life or even to my home. But it's just who I am and I do understand if I seem confusing to people because I can confuse even myself. :laugh:
 

Battle

New member
Joined
Apr 24, 2008
Messages
76
MBTI Type
ENFP
::lurking::

and finding out I'm really NOT weird.

thank the lord.

sorry i don't have anything intelligent to add to the discussion, I'm just finding out all these things about myself right now and its kicking me in my ass.

I'd like to be able to add something, but I'm still learning and all i can really say is...

"hey... thats ME"
 

Tallulah

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Feb 19, 2008
Messages
6,009
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INTP
I work in a Corporate setting with close to 500 employees. I am easily one of the most well-known, gregarious and probably the most popular person here. I know how to make people laugh, am good at listening to problems and am even popular with the stuffed shirts. I am an advocate for the employees and generally am fond of most of the people here. However, my true friends number about two and when I leave here for the day I am the most introverted person on the planet. I refuse to leave my home, answer the phone, attend functions or even watch televison (unless scientific in nature). I am not social unless my job forces me to be otherwise.

I was always very shy and made myself extrovert so that I could function more comfortably in the world. I would not classify myself as a true extrovert. I spend many hours daily ruminating. I could not function otherwise.

How do you do this dual nature thing without your coworkers resenting that you don't spend time with them after hours? I've tried this all my life, thinking maybe if I was extra friendly during the workday, I could get away with being my introverted, asocial self at home. But people are mistrustful of that, and they get their feelings hurt. Even if I explain I'm just not very social. B/c they think I'm social at work, so I must just not like them. GAH, people!
 

shum

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May 1, 2007
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41
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enfp
Whachaw! (I make funny noises when I'm tired.)

cape-woosh-noises.jpg
 

illume

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Aug 5, 2007
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How do you do this dual nature thing without your coworkers resenting that you don't spend time with them after hours? I've tried this all my life, thinking maybe if I was extra friendly during the workday, I could get away with being my introverted, asocial self at home. But people are mistrustful of that, and they get their feelings hurt. Even if I explain I'm just not very social. B/c they think I'm social at work, so I must just not like them. GAH, people!

Believe it or not, it has really never come up. That is not to say in 8 years of employment I have never attended a funeral for a co-worker's loved one or made a phone call to someone in distress. But it is the rare exception. It seems that I am able to get by with being "on" during the workday and I am otherwise forgiven. Thank God for small favors!
 

IEE623

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Jul 1, 2008
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NeXx
I think mature ENFPs are truly introverted extroverts ^^ and it's not a bad sign at all.
Haven't you heard the quote that goes, "The more powerful and original a mind, the more it will incline towards the religion of solitude" ??? :p

And do you realize that most of the greatest people who re-shaped our culture throughout history were anti-social? Being anti-social gives you the chance to detach, to see what others (who are too busy trying to blend in, or being influenced without even knowing it) don't see.

Developing your auxiliary introverted function is quite a good thing leading to success, me think :p
 

alcea rosea

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I think mature ENFPs are truly introverted extroverts ^^ and it's not a bad sign at all.

I don't believe in all ENFP's being introverted extroverts. In fact I haven't seen that kind of description of ENFP's in the ENFP type descriptions.
 

Uytuun

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Apr 19, 2008
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nnnn
I often realize I have gone WAY TOO FAR in my 'non social/anti-social' kick and have become lonely, depressed, socially riztarded and just not doing jack with myself in general.

Hmm...I relate to this a lot....at some point my being alone and thinking just isn't constructive anymore and I realise I need to get out of the house and do something whack to re-energise, but I'm stuck and can't find it within me to get my ass out of the couch so to speak. :p Perhaps it does have to do with the fear of leaving my Ni world behind and venturing into the physical world...and the paradox is that I really feel alive once I'm challenged. It's a bit like not wanting to go to a party and then having an awesome time when you're there.

Anyway, such spells tend to be broken by way more active and adventurous periods that might go a bit over the top for an introvert...I do have a problem with dosage.
 

sketcheasy

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May 20, 2008
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101
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ENFP
i'm trying to recede to a more introverted state of mind myself.

he enfp charm and social freedom is good for networking, maintaining relationships, and getting what i want but lately i've preferred alone time over crowds and when i do go out it's with people i want to be out with.
 

HeraldofHope

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Jun 11, 2008
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ENxP
Yup, all the great souls are doomed to walk the path of loneliness in life
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
Joined
Feb 10, 2008
Messages
2,126
MBTI Type
INTJ
Enneagram
1w9
Instinctual Variant
sp/sx
would this be a possible explanation for a shy ENFP? or just an unbalanced INFP?

1. my Ne was not recieved well at a particular point in childhood.
2. parent Fi, to protect him, hid him away from public.
3. i never completley go insane, because my Ne still escapes in private activities (playing guitar by myself, drawing, writing, reading, dreaming)
4. but the bottom line is that Fi the tyrant needs to let Ne show more in public...im a reluctant introvert at the hands of Fi the tyrant...
5. If Fi would stop being so over protective, and let Ne run free (like when im at my happiest in public --impersonating, acting, drawing ironic parallels where there really shouldn't be, dancing...) then i wouldnt be constantly searching for an "acceptable" way to extrovert.
 

Venom

Babylon Candle
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That's why ENPs are usually so ho-hum in ordinary situations: it's hard for Ne to activate. And those "situations" that offer new connections, ideas, etc. are not necessarily social situations, so it can go off sort of capriciously.

true story: Will Ferrel is very "normal" and not a joker in his regular life according to his immediate family.....

CzeCze said:
So all the healthy, moderate, understandable, healthy reasons and motivations for having alone time aside -- for me, the ruler (or is that tie-breaker) is fear. Fear makes me disengage and hide from the world, fear makes me scared of people and interactions, fear makes me not want anyone to see me. I definitely can get so preoccupied with failure and doubt that I'm literally frozen and make my decision by default.

And seriously 'staying in my room' literally and figuratively has been my 'default' many a time.

This is a special level of purgatory reserved for attention whore 'E's -- because I am ENFP to the bone and I am my own worst enemy. Between my needs (to be out with the world and be the best I can be for myself and others) and my my neurotic fears and all the stress and adrenalin from the ongoing internally sourced conflict -- I'm seriously strangling the person inside and stunting my growth.

It's something I've been dealing with for years. Hopefully, mine is an isolated 'CzeCze sucks' reason and not applicable to type.

I cant begin to tell you how much i resonate with this post... im almost starting to believe that i am in fact a very insecure ENFP and not an INFP....
 
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