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  1. #1
    Senior Member dga's Avatar
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    Default Another INFJ girl thread (need help!)

    Hey all, was wondering if y'all could help make a match. So, i'm surely and surely falling for one of my ex's friends. My ex (an enfp) is cool with it, and all of the mutual friends the girl in question has encourage the idea. She knows I am interested, although I have not been so explicit, and I think she might be, but cannot express it. It gets quickly complicated, as she is 24 and has never had a boyfriend. I am 29. One of her friends thinks that since she has been alone for so long, especially compared to her friends, she thinks that nothing will work out and its not worth taking the risk. It is is just a bizarre confidence issue, as she is quite attractive and fun to talk with. We hang out several times a week, although with others around.

    As I've looked into this mbti stuff, she really fits the classic infj, and i the classic entp, not that means we would have to come together. However interesting, in my last relationship, i always felt something for her, even when I knew nothing of the personality stuff and was not in a position to express it anyway. Walking her home once, I indirectly brought up the questions of whether she might be interested, but her response was that due to my ex there couldnt be any interest, out of fear of making that friendship fall apart, regardless that my ex explicitly told her to let me hit on her. Her roomate of hte last few years and longtime childhood friend, an isfj, is as stumped as I am about connecting deeper on such an issue. He happens to be gay and only in hte last months fully came out with himself.

    I've never asked her out for a "date," which is a logical next step. Just an afternoon in the park would be my suggestion, as we watch films and go out to parties in larger groups already. She invited me to her work place, an ice-cream shop, but the weather was nice enough that there was steady stream of customers.

    what do you guys think? Go for it? Go for something more at a party? let things develop even more slowly?

  2. #2
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    How long has it all been going on? She will probably need a lot more time to think about it than you do. So just give her time to think about it, maybe ask, and then wait for a "green light" to start a deeper relationship.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
    - Albert Einstein

  3. #3
    Senior Member dga's Avatar
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    since the fall, but over the last months things have picked up considerably.

    I have a grave concern about asking for relationships. In my experience, this has turned off any romantic tension. I would rather make a move to kiss her and fail than ask for anything more than a date.

    Time is unfortunately not on my side. In september she moves away for 9 months. where she is going is somewhere i can fly to every now and then, but it is still complicated,lol.

  4. #4
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    In my limited experience, be persistent, but not freaky. Better to come out of it knowing that you tried then to always wonder if you should have.

    Took me 14 years to finally wear down the walls on my INFJ, but she finally caved. Hopefully yours will be a bit more expeditious.

  5. #5
    Furry Critter with Claws Kiddo's Avatar
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    Oh that is tough. And INFJs, although allegedly rare, are probably the most diverse of all the types. So what would work for one INFJ, very well might not work for another.

    I say ask her out. Just take it slow and easy at first.
    Quote Originally Posted by Silently Honest View Post
    OMNi: Wisdom at the cost of Sanity.

  6. #6
    @.~*virinaĉo*~.@ Totenkindly's Avatar
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    Yes, my best guess is to rein in your ENTP instincts a bit and increase the connection in a controlled and reasonable fashion. She can probably appreciate your energy but if it's unpredictable and/or sporadic, I would think she'd have trouble trusting it. She needs to know you are stable and dependable if she is going to be open to an investment.
    "Hey Capa -- We're only stardust." ~ "Sunshine"

    “Pleasure to me is wonder—the unexplored, the unexpected, the thing that is hidden and the changeless thing that lurks behind superficial mutability. To trace the remote in the immediate; the eternal in the ephemeral; the past in the present; the infinite in the finite; these are to me the springs of delight and beauty.” ~ H.P. Lovecraft

  7. #7
    Content. Content? DigitalMethod's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by dga View Post
    since the fall, but over the last months things have picked up considerably.

    I have a grave concern about asking for relationships. In my experience, this has turned off any romantic tension. I would rather make a move to kiss her and fail than ask for anything more than a date.

    Time is unfortunately not on my side. In september she moves away for 9 months. where she is going is somewhere i can fly to every now and then, but it is still complicated,lol.
    Yea, what Jennifer said, be consistent, as an INFJ she is going to be wanting a long term relationship, and she will want to trust you.

    If she is moving away in September though... then that would be a hard relationship indeed, so you might want to reconsider any relationship, unless you really feel that she is worth it.

    My dad in ENTP, and my mom is INFJ. They rarely get along, it's been close to divorce now for awhile. My dad's dreams sometimes put our family in financial problems, which is something a INFJ mother would never want for her kids, children are the most important thing to a INFJ, at least in my and my friend's experience, I know another INFJ mother, and I think it is a universal thing for that type to want and care for their children, which I admire.
    "The life of the individual has meaning only insofar as it aids in making the life of every living thing nobler and more beautiful."
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  8. #8
    Circus Maximus Sarcasticus's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Jennifer View Post
    Yes, my best guess is to rein in your ENTP instincts a bit and increase the connection in a controlled and reasonable fashion. She can probably appreciate your energy but if it's unpredictable and/or sporadic, I would think she'd have trouble trusting it. She needs to know you are stable and dependable if she is going to be open to an investment.
    Yes in my experience the stability thing is key.

  9. #9
    Senior Member batumi's Avatar
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    The dates I have had with ENFJs have been the most fun and creative and I really
    took notice of the fact.
    INFJs like books and museums and I would suggest something that is planned out in advance
    and unusual, creative.
    You want to make a great first impression for dating?
    Dinner at an unusual restaurant before or after some kind of interesting exhibit,
    particularly one that has some kind of connection to a spiritual tradition.
    Good luck. And let us know.

  10. #10
    ish red no longer *sad* nightning's Avatar
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    My thoughts... just forget about MBTI type for a moment...

    What would you do if you want a date with a shy girl? Standard lure and withdraw technique should do fine.

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