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[MBTI General] Another INFJ girl thread (need help!)

dga

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
360
MBTI Type
ENTP
Hey all, was wondering if y'all could help make a match. So, i'm surely and surely falling for one of my ex's friends. My ex (an enfp) is cool with it, and all of the mutual friends the girl in question has encourage the idea. She knows I am interested, although I have not been so explicit, and I think she might be, but cannot express it. It gets quickly complicated, as she is 24 and has never had a boyfriend. I am 29. One of her friends thinks that since she has been alone for so long, especially compared to her friends, she thinks that nothing will work out and its not worth taking the risk. It is is just a bizarre confidence issue, as she is quite attractive and fun to talk with. We hang out several times a week, although with others around.

As I've looked into this mbti stuff, she really fits the classic infj, and i the classic entp, not that means we would have to come together. However interesting, in my last relationship, i always felt something for her, even when I knew nothing of the personality stuff and was not in a position to express it anyway. Walking her home once, I indirectly brought up the questions of whether she might be interested, but her response was that due to my ex there couldnt be any interest, out of fear of making that friendship fall apart, regardless that my ex explicitly told her to let me hit on her. Her roomate of hte last few years and longtime childhood friend, an isfj, is as stumped as I am about connecting deeper on such an issue. He happens to be gay and only in hte last months fully came out with himself.

I've never asked her out for a "date," which is a logical next step. Just an afternoon in the park would be my suggestion, as we watch films and go out to parties in larger groups already. She invited me to her work place, an ice-cream shop, but the weather was nice enough that there was steady stream of customers.

what do you guys think? Go for it? Go for something more at a party? let things develop even more slowly?
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
How long has it all been going on? She will probably need a lot more time to think about it than you do. So just give her time to think about it, maybe ask, and then wait for a "green light" to start a deeper relationship.
 

dga

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
360
MBTI Type
ENTP
since the fall, but over the last months things have picked up considerably.

I have a grave concern about asking for relationships. In my experience, this has turned off any romantic tension. I would rather make a move to kiss her and fail than ask for anything more than a date.

Time is unfortunately not on my side. In september she moves away for 9 months. where she is going is somewhere i can fly to every now and then, but it is still complicated,lol.
 

SolitaryPenguin

Active member
Joined
Dec 20, 2007
Messages
824
MBTI Type
ISFP
Enneagram
9w1
In my limited experience, be persistent, but not freaky. Better to come out of it knowing that you tried then to always wonder if you should have.

Took me 14 years to finally wear down the walls on my INFJ, but she finally caved. Hopefully yours will be a bit more expeditious.
 

Kiddo

Furry Critter with Claws
Joined
Sep 25, 2007
Messages
2,790
MBTI Type
OMNi
Oh that is tough. And INFJs, although allegedly rare, are probably the most diverse of all the types. So what would work for one INFJ, very well might not work for another.

I say ask her out. Just take it slow and easy at first.
 

Totenkindly

@.~*virinaĉo*~.@
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
50,187
MBTI Type
BELF
Enneagram
594
Instinctual Variant
sx/sp
Yes, my best guess is to rein in your ENTP instincts a bit and increase the connection in a controlled and reasonable fashion. She can probably appreciate your energy but if it's unpredictable and/or sporadic, I would think she'd have trouble trusting it. She needs to know you are stable and dependable if she is going to be open to an investment.
 

DigitalMethod

Content. Content?
Joined
May 4, 2008
Messages
970
MBTI Type
INTJ
since the fall, but over the last months things have picked up considerably.

I have a grave concern about asking for relationships. In my experience, this has turned off any romantic tension. I would rather make a move to kiss her and fail than ask for anything more than a date.

Time is unfortunately not on my side. In september she moves away for 9 months. where she is going is somewhere i can fly to every now and then, but it is still complicated,lol.

Yea, what Jennifer said, be consistent, as an INFJ she is going to be wanting a long term relationship, and she will want to trust you.

If she is moving away in September though... then that would be a hard relationship indeed, so you might want to reconsider any relationship, unless you really feel that she is worth it.

My dad in ENTP, and my mom is INFJ. They rarely get along, it's been close to divorce now for awhile. My dad's dreams sometimes put our family in financial problems, which is something a INFJ mother would never want for her kids, children are the most important thing to a INFJ, at least in my and my friend's experience, I know another INFJ mother, and I think it is a universal thing for that type to want and care for their children, which I admire.
 

Sarcasticus

Circus Maximus
Joined
May 3, 2008
Messages
1,037
MBTI Type
ENTP
Enneagram
5w4
Yes, my best guess is to rein in your ENTP instincts a bit and increase the connection in a controlled and reasonable fashion. She can probably appreciate your energy but if it's unpredictable and/or sporadic, I would think she'd have trouble trusting it. She needs to know you are stable and dependable if she is going to be open to an investment.

Yes in my experience the stability thing is key.
 

batumi

New member
Joined
Jan 31, 2008
Messages
177
MBTI Type
infj
The dates I have had with ENFJs have been the most fun and creative and I really
took notice of the fact.
INFJs like books and museums and I would suggest something that is planned out in advance
and unusual, creative.
You want to make a great first impression for dating?
Dinner at an unusual restaurant before or after some kind of interesting exhibit,
particularly one that has some kind of connection to a spiritual tradition.
Good luck. And let us know.
 

nightning

ish red no longer *sad*
Joined
Apr 23, 2007
Messages
3,741
MBTI Type
INfj
My thoughts... just forget about MBTI type for a moment...

What would you do if you want a date with a shy girl? Standard lure and withdraw technique should do fine.
 

Motor Jax

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
104
MBTI Type
INFJ
yes, there is a variety of possible outcomes

just take it slow, but let her know that you are interested and see what she thinks

she will (most likely) think about
 

radiant_love

New member
Joined
May 11, 2008
Messages
3
MBTI Type
INFJ
You want to make a great first impression for dating?
Dinner at an unusual restaurant before or after some kind of interesting exhibit,
particularly one that has some kind of connection to a spiritual tradition.

I'm an INFJ female and this sounds awesome on many levels.
a) i like original things - especially if i know the person took the effort to make it original, that goes a long way! and it would also lead me to feel that they understood that I would appreciate that, which is significant :yes:
b) exhibits - things you can talk about but also ponder in silence, i'd appreciate having a bit of both.. so its a great mix
c) something with some sort of connection to the spiritual - this would be a huge huge plus - seriously.

Good luck! :)
 

dga

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
360
MBTI Type
ENTP
thx all. i took a chance tonight at a party and it worked out!:heart:
 

Mort Belfry

Rats off to ya!
Joined
Jan 12, 2008
Messages
1,238
MBTI Type
INTP
As I've looked into this mbti stuff, she really fits the classic infj, and i the classic entp, not that means we would have to come together.

A meeting of the classical, how nice. Me, I'm more of a Renaissance man.
 

dga

New member
Joined
Apr 29, 2008
Messages
360
MBTI Type
ENTP
I'd say he took it as slow as an ENTP can. So possibly as much as 2 hours of verbal sparring, flattery and misc before they got nekkid.

hehe. it might very well have been her first kiss, but she was damn good at it. :wubbie: nekkid will have to wait a lil bit, but i do have a birthday coming up this week. :)

I had spent some time hanging out at her job this week and we sat around talking a few hours at a club when i finally decided to try to closer. It was like she was waiting for it.
 

cafe

Well-known member
Joined
Apr 19, 2007
Messages
9,827
MBTI Type
INFJ
Enneagram
9w1
Heh. I knew by the end of our first conversation that my INTP was 'the one.' If he'd waited around a couple of years to ask me out, I'd have to have kicked his butt.
 

sriv

New member
Joined
Apr 19, 2008
Messages
418
MBTI Type
JIxT
Heh. I knew by the end of our first conversation that my INTP was 'the one.' If he'd waited around a couple of years to ask me out, I'd have to have kicked his butt.

Really? Oh wait, that makes sense. Seems like the J is very decisive, and the INF knows exactly how intimate relationships work, so the match is made with confidence very early. Unless there are unforeseen variables.
 
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