I think this is something 4s and 1s have in common. (Like @skylights, I'm pretty sure you're a 4.) I'm a 1w2 and my former roommate is an INTJ 1w9, and we had lots of late-night conversations about the perils of high standards. She has the exact same issue as you do, regarding this, because she just can't take the fact that society and the world at large doesn't live up to her ideal. But the way I think about it is: just because you see how society is flawed, doesn't mean it has to bug you so much. If you realize that the ideal is impossible, it will no longer be such a prevalent standard in your mind, and it'll be replaced with an imperfect but possible standard. Which is why, even though I'm an optimist and my former roommate is a pessimist, my optimism comes from a more cynical view of humanity than my former roommate's pessimism. I've accepted that humanity is flawed and will always hurt itself, will always be hypocritical, and will always make rules that it can't follow. It annoys me, but it hasn't made me a misanthrope, and it doesn't eat away at me or keep me up at night. So I guess what I'm saying is... you may want to let go of some of your idealism which I realize is easier said than done.It feels like I appear to hate everything and am just pessimistic, but it's practically that I have this ideal in my head that is not reality, so I can do nothing but contrast and contrast at least subconsciously.
It's not that I'm pessimistic I just can't not see the 10,000 ways society is flawed.
This is another one of those places where I would want more data. How often does he act like this to you? How often do you act like that to him? Are you sure you weren't misinterpreting his tone? What MBTI type is he? How long have the two of you been friends? etc etc etc.Yeah and I'm not sure either whether I'm the big 'jerk' here, like you said, but I never said anything bad about him, and he always starts this huge lecture about my flaws, in a conversation I would consider a joke in the first place, (which was presented in a lighthearted manner believe me).
I know it does, because I've had to teach myself to do the same thing. In my case, it's because I hang out with a very sensitive group of people (mostly INFx, with a smattering of ENFJs and some miscellaneous), and I don't want to walk all over their delicate feelings, so if they offend me, I tend to avoid talking about it because I know they'd get upset. But the thing is, they'd get less upset if I was reasonable with them, than if I blew up at them because they postponed getting lunch with me for the third week in a row.That's some great advice about talking to people to stop letting this stuff build up. That might actually work.
So... try it! It'll work.