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[INFP] What INFPs need to tell themselves

R

RDF

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“I’m doing nothing. My life is perfect” (I don’t have to “live large” or prove anything to anyone)

“Good enough for government work” (No need to be a people-pleaser or perfectionist)

“Undertake campaigns to add meaning” (There is still "me-time" left over in the day after satisfying the world’s requirements,. Figure out what’s important to me and generate projects to pursue: Exercise and weight loss goals, outings and day trips, social groups and events, etc.)

“Work on boundaries to be more effective” (Working on my Fe and Te)
 

The Outsider

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Most of these messages are actually beneficial for functioning well in society. I say that instead of simply disregarding them, take the advice and adapt to your surroundings; you don't have to sell your soul doing that, people admire sincerity and empathy a lot more that you seem to want to admit.
 
R

RDF

Guest
Most of these messages are actually beneficial for functioning well in society. I say that instead of simply disregarding them, take the advice and adapt to your surroundings; you don't have to sell your soul doing that, people admire sincerity and empathy a lot more that you seem to want to admit.

Good point.

Naturally, everyone has to grow up and join the real world. But it can be a tough process. Any personality type can detest the 9-to-5 rat race for a variety of reasons.

Usually people learn to put up with the rat race by developing coping strategies. So maybe a more productive way to handle this thread would be for INFPs to share their coping strategies. My previous post was somewhat along that line.
 

William K

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"What's in it for me?"
If you can't beat them, go for the super-selfish mode :D
 

OrangeAppled

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Look past the shallow platitudes & see what people are really getting at before you dig your heels in & reject the world.

-You have to look good
Translation: People are visual creatures & they DO form impressions that are influenced by your appearance. It's in your best interest to develop a physical image that communicates who you are in a positive way. This doesn't mean "not being you", but showing that you respect yourself in how you groom & carry yourself. A lot of INFPs who take an interest in their appearance craft really unique, cool styles that others admire. I've actually never met an INFP in person who didn't use their dress as a personal form of expression that others respond to positively.

-It is important to be loud and attract admiration
Translation: You have to make your existence known & interact with people if you want to form relationships. This doesn't mean being loud & doing whatever it takes to be admired, but being a silent wallflower & hoping someone takes pity on your or becomes fascinated by how mysterious you are (insert some other INFPish fantasy) doesn't usually work either.... You have to make some effort, that's all.

-Social conventions are the basis of society
Translation: A lot of things you take for granted in day to day life that makes it easier are "social conventions". They do maintain order & support smooth, harmonious interactions with people. Some of them don't. Choose your battles. Conventions aren't all evil; they're like language in a way - there's a commonly accepted set of grammar rules & words people use to communicate. If you don't adhere to accepted usages at all, then you can't really communicate with people.

-Being rich is better than being poor, spiritually and for the betterment of oneself
Well, being rich might be better than being poor, but not at the expense of spirituality & being a good person, true. This is definitely a skewed value we're presented with, and it's one of those battles you choose to fight. IMO, it's okay to not want a "career", but you also have to make sure you can support yourself in whatever lifestyle you choose to have. Last I checked, being an irresponsible mooch isn't really "nice" towards others.

-It is stupid to consider other people
-Imagining things is dumb unless it makes you money
-It's better to be well-loved than sincere
-It is more important to be assertive and in control than nice
IDK, I honestly haven't heard all of these before.... Frankly, I've found the opposite true in life in regards to most of these (being kind & considerate will win you friends, REAL ones), but then maybe it depends on what your goals are.... As I mentioned above, you just have to choose your battles, or not even view them as battles, but recognize that you have the ability to choose a different way.

I admit, my knee jerk reaction was to say something semi-sarcastic because I can get that way as a defense to my earnest side, but instead, I will tell you what I say to myself... I generally do "thought replacement", where I replace negative thoughts about myself with positive, but TRUE ones (because my thoughts about myself are way worse than anything I hear from "society").
I might say something like...
"I have something of value to offer other people, as a daughter/sister/friend/employee/girlfriend/whatever." Then I might consider what it is I have to offer, instead of focusing on where I lack.
"I may not be X or Y, but I DO have these strengths: [list them]".
"It's okay if I'm not perfect. No one else is either, and I still like/admire them." This is not to gloss over flaws & not seek to improve as a person, but you can't really improve if you're just beating yourself up all the time.
"I may not have X, but it's not as important to me as Y, which I DO have." Keep your priorities straight. Any skewed values that society seems to push are easily brushed off when you focus on what is really important to YOU. These things will seem silly by contrast, and instead of being bothered by it, you might even feel sorry for those caught up in it.
 

Nijntje

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They just have to tell themselves that they suck and accept that it is true.

/end story.
 

OrangeAppled

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I didn't mean to make people mad with this question or anything. I just wanted to hear what people honestly think when it comes to these issues.
It seems like even the attempt to rationalize some of this stuff is revealing. I also have these kinds of battles in my head. "There must be a reason society is the way it is; surely it isn't just to make people suffer for reason." But even when I'm reading answers by people, some of it feels like rationalization, all of it adheres to the logical fallacy that if it's what people believe, it must be true, or it must be to the best. I feel that really robs people of the opportunity to look beyond what can be bought, sold, evaluated, or transacted in some kind of ego boost economy.

I think you're selling us short. It somewhat insulting for you to label our responses as "rationalizing" because we take a stab at understanding views different from our own, or because we don't automatically deem all aspects of society as something evil to be resisted. I don't see anyone saying the bolded at all; it seems more like you're addressing a strawman now because we didn't say what you wanted nor did we take on the opposing position either. It's easier to lump us in with the "evil other" than to really understand, isn't it?

Being able to understand WHY does not mean we have not questioned & considered these things any less deeply than you have, nor does it mean we accept, condone, or adhere to all of these things as "true" or "the best". It possibly means we have broadened our perspectives as to what these things do mean, what they can mean, and more importantly, how we can navigate them without losing integrity.
 

Ponyboy

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... It seems to me like, us INFPs are usually going against the grain, society-wise.

Every day, whether it's at school, at work, in the family, or just on the street, there are all these messages being hurled at us (well, not just us, everyone).

-You have to look good
-It is important to be loud and attract admiration
-Social conventions are the basis of society
-It is more important to be assertive and in control than nice
-Being rich is better than being poor, spiritually and for the betterment of oneself
-It is stupid to consider other people
-Imagining things is dumb unless it makes you money
-It's better to be well-loved than sincere

.... and all this other stuff!!!!

And other than the first one (let's face it INFPs, we look damn good) almost all of that just feels like chewing nails, all day, every day. I know I'm not the only one on here who would rather unplug from society sometimes and live free.

So what do we need to tell ourselves? That is my question!

Like some kind of antidote, to all the messages above.

I would love if others started adding to this list (as I will) because sometimes I just need to remember that there are other values that matter than what "society" values (which most people wouldn't value at all, if they weren't so damn scared!)

That is all :doh:
Are you just pissed off at someone who is successful? None of this thread makes any sense to me! :unsure:
It kind of seems like you want all this prestige but don't want to do anything for it. And then when it isn't handed to you, it must be because you're INFP. INFP is a type...not an excuse! :ng_mad:
 

lostlanguage

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It's really unfortunate that this thread is generating so much negative emotion. Maybe it's time to end the discussion.
 

The Outsider

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It's just a discussion where people have different views on the matter, don't worry about it too much.
 

The Outsider

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...and to contribute:

I like to tell myself that it's easier to beat people at their own game when you are looking at it from an outside perspective. Being aware of what you are doing and why you are doing it, and what others are doing to you, does not necessarily make for a happy existence, but it's interesting at least.
 
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