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Thread: NF nagging?

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    Default NF nagging?

    Is nagging typical for NF? Is it done in stressed situations when you become overly critical? If so why do you do it, is there something you want to change , you're not happy with or you just can't stop youself? Are you really sorry later?

    I find it very annoying and an immature way of trying to get what you want instead of looking at yourself first and see what YOU can do about things. It's a lot of different from NT "nagging", they usually clearly say what they want and they get it out very straight forward without manipulating you emotionaly and doing bad to your self-esteem. Do NF have hard time accepting you for who you are because of thier high standards and ideals?

    I have a INFP friend and she is like that a lot. Any ideas how to stop her? I tried by telling her all this but she slips into the same pattern again so I wonder is this common? I'm afraid i'm going to have to stop hanging out with her. I'm starting to see her as obsessed with me and controlling tought she is probably just over analyzing things.

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    Member kissmyasthma's Avatar
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    My INFP mom nags (which may just be a mom thing, haha), but it's especially when she's feeling stressed or overwhelmed. She feels like no one is helping her and everything is against her, so a certain amount of guilt-tripping goes along with it. Is your friend feeling overwhelmed?

    When I want something from someone I either hint at it in a round-about way or I come out and say it outright--one of two extremes. Whereas my mom fluctuates between gloomy Eeyore-like moodiness and nagging/accusative demands. Pointing it out never helps because it sends her back to the isolated gloomy state.

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    Junior Member Amberamaris's Avatar
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    I nag about home decoration, exercise and food to my husband all the time...After that I am feel sorry and apologize then again and I repeat that behavior in circle, luckily he dont mind he leastens only with a half ear:-)

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    No one has ever accused me of nagging, even when I've asked if I do, and I don't feel like I nag. The one exception would be in cases where I feel like a person has a major, threatening problem - alcoholism, dangerous drug habits, etc. In those cases I'm pretty firm.

    Do NF have hard time accepting you for who you are because of thier high standards and ideals?
    Depends on what we're talking about. I'm usually pretty accepting, but I do tend to have higher standards when it comes to the people I surround myself very closely with - my closest friends, significant other, and mentors. But I don't try to change the people that I encounter via nagging; I just avoid the ones I'm not impressed by.

    As for your INFP friend - what does she nag about?

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    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by lost View Post
    Is nagging typical for NF? Is it done in stressed situations when you become overly critical? If so why do you do it, is there something you want to change , you're not happy with or you just can't stop youself? Are you really sorry later?
    The NFs I know who nag the most are several INFJs and an ENFP -- and they nag for different reasons. The INFJs all nag because details intimidate and worry them, and they just want to make sure that the details are dealt with. They also nag for the Fe reason of "I want to help you help yourself because I care about you". The ENFP, on the other hand, nags because her Te is pretty strong and she wants to see things done right. (I assume it's Te because I relate a lot to her style of nagging.)
    I find it very annoying and an immature way of trying to get what you want instead of looking at yourself first and see what YOU can do about things.
    Maybe there's crucial information here that I don't know, but -- who says they don't look at themselves first?
    It's a lot of different from NT "nagging", they usually clearly say what they want and they get it out very straight forward without manipulating you emotionaly and doing bad to your self-esteem.
    Maybe we need additional details here. My INFJ friends all nag in a pretty straightforward way ("Did you do this? How is this thing working out? Just to remind you, you have this thing coming up, and you didn't do so well with it last time, so maybe you should work on it more"), as does my ENFP friend ("You always go the wrong way. Remember: you have to turn left at this intersection. Maybe I should drive from now on?"). I associate nagging with specific tasks that have to be completed, or specific problems that need to be solved. There is nothing vague or manipulative/backhanded about nagging. So maybe you're defining nagging differently from me?

    What are some examples of how your INFP friend nags you? And what type are you?
    Do NF have hard time accepting you for who you are because of thier high standards and ideals?
    No, not at all. From my experience, they are extremely accepting. Many of my NF friends love everyone by default and will only start to dislike you if you give them a strong reason to. It's because many NFs are very good at finding something to appreciate about everyone.

    And if our definitions of nagging are the same, then it's not personal. It seems to me that the vast majority of the time, NF nagging comes from a place of love. They wouldn't waste their energy nagging you unless they cared, and they only nag because they see your true potential and just want to help you realize it.

    (NFs, correct me if I'm wrong. I may be interpreting my NF friends incorrectly.)
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    Away with the fairies Southern Kross's Avatar
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    My ISFJ mum nags so much I've made it my personal goal to never end up like that. I do sometimes hear her voice coming out of my mouth, though.

    One thing I'll admit I get a bit naggy about is moral/social responsibilities like: not wasting power, recycling, using fair trade products were possible, using free-range meat and eggs where possible, buying local products (again where possible) etc etc. But you have to be naggy about these things because people are lazy and won't make the effort otherwise!
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    Senior Member Tiltyred's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    The NFs I know who nag the most are several INFJs and an ENFP -- and they nag for different reasons. The INFJs all nag because details intimidate and worry them, and they just want to make sure that the details are dealt with. They also nag for the Fe reason of "I want to help you help yourself because I care about you". The ENFP, on the other hand, nags because her Te is pretty strong and she wants to see things done right. (I assume it's Te because I relate a lot to her style of nagging.)

    Maybe there's crucial information here that I don't know, but -- who says they don't look at themselves first?

    Maybe we need additional details here. My INFJ friends all nag in a pretty straightforward way ("Did you do this? How is this thing working out? Just to remind you, you have this thing coming up, and you didn't do so well with it last time, so maybe you should work on it more"), as does my ENFP friend ("You always go the wrong way. Remember: you have to turn left at this intersection. Maybe I should drive from now on?"). I associate nagging with specific tasks that have to be completed, or specific problems that need to be solved. There is nothing vague or manipulative/backhanded about nagging. So maybe you're defining nagging differently from me?

    What are some examples of how your INFP friend nags you? And what type are you?

    No, not at all. From my experience, they are extremely accepting. Many of my NF friends love everyone by default and will only start to dislike you if you give them a strong reason to. It's because many NFs are very good at finding something to appreciate about everyone.

    And if our definitions of nagging are the same, then it's not personal. It seems to me that the vast majority of the time, NF nagging comes from a place of love. They wouldn't waste their energy nagging you unless they cared, and they only nag because they see your true potential and just want to help you realize it.

    (NFs, correct me if I'm wrong. I may be interpreting my NF friends incorrectly.)
    That sounds about like what NFs would say, but I am puzzled as I read this, because I don't receive that as nagging. I receive it as helping. I'd be like, "Oh, you are so right, I sure did screw that up last time. Thanks for the reminder!" or "You know what, I'd rather you drive. I do always turn left when it should be right. That would be great. Thanks for thinking of that."

  8. #8
    this is my winter song EJCC's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Tiltyred View Post
    That sounds about like what NFs would say, but I am puzzled as I read this, because I don't receive that as nagging. I receive it as helping. I'd be like, "Oh, you are so right, I sure did screw that up last time. Thanks for the reminder!" or "You know what, I'd rather you drive. I do always turn left when it should be right. That would be great. Thanks for thinking of that."
    Hey, that's probably why I love INFJs, and why I have a lot of INFJ friends. We are all very... "helpful".

    But in all seriousness, I think Js are a lot more likely to think the way you do about it. My mom is an INFJ and nags me all the freaking time, but 99% of the time, I'm glad she did, because it really is helpful. Whereas Perceivers, I think, tend to see their J parents as "stifling" or "all up in their business", or something to that effect.

    I'm getting the feeling that @lost is a Perceiver, for just this reason -- although lost's type is unknown to me.
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    I imagine ENFPs could nag if our Te is touched off and we start feeling anxious about something getting done. I always say nagging is a 2 way street though - if XYZ actually done when it was supposed to there would be no need to remind someone.

    This is why I imagine EXTJ don't nag, because they are more terrifying and demanding when they tell you to do something. Or rather it's a matter of perception. Hence women nag and men command. It's not really possibly for your boss to "nag" you right? Because you pretty much have to do what is asked of you or be fired. Nagging is more a way of asking someone to do something but phrased in a way that makes it seem like you are telling someone.
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    Quote Originally Posted by kissmyasthma View Post
    My INFP mom nags (which may just be a mom thing, haha), but it's especially when she's feeling stressed or overwhelmed. She feels like no one is helping her and everything is against her, so a certain amount of guilt-tripping goes along with it. Is your friend feeling overwhelmed?
    Sorry to hear that. This is exactly what is going on with my friend. She is stressed all the time but for no real reason. She's letting it all out on the people closest to her.
    She is not helping me about anything because I really do not need her help at all. I'm not doing anything wrong, it's like she won't let me be and always has something to say. Excuse me, nag!


    Quote Originally Posted by Amberamaris View Post
    I nag about home decoration, exercise and food to my husband all the time...
    Things like this. We meet to grab a lunch. I'm fit like crazy and I can eat whatever I want. She has a weight problem and she projects it on me and start lecturing me about food.

    Quote Originally Posted by EJCC View Post
    But in all seriousness, I think Js are a lot more likely to think the way you do about it. My mom is an INFJ and nags me all the freaking time, but 99% of the time, I'm glad she did, because it really is helpful. Whereas Perceivers, I think, tend to see their J parents as "stifling" or "all up in their business", or something to that effect.

    I'm getting the feeling that @lost is a Perceiver, for just this reason -- although lost's type is unknown to me.
    Yes, that's how I see it and I'm ENTP.

    But I've never linked nagging with Js. I think it has to be about something else. Obviously not really sure about what?

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    I always say nagging is a 2 way street though - if XYZ actually done when it was supposed to there would be no need to remind someone. .
    I think everybody should be at peace with themselves to be able to let others live the way they choose to. That is of course if they're not doing anything wrong to the individual or society in general.

    Quote Originally Posted by CzeCze View Post
    This is why I imagine EXTJ don't nag, because they are more terrifying and demanding when they tell you to do something. Or rather it's a matter of perception. Hence women nag and men command.
    This. I think it has more to do with being F whether SF or NF.

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