User Tag List

123 Last

Results 1 to 10 of 49

  1. #1
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/so
    Posts
    25

    Default The Potential of an INFP/ENFJ romance between friends..

    I'm an 28 year-old INFP male :D :/

    I have a little friend who is a 23 year-old ENFJ lady. We met almost a year ago when she started working at a non-profit in my neighborhood. I would see her walking to work occasionally and smile or wave. Earlier this year, I started working for the same non-profit and we've become closer friends.

    She was in a long-distance relationship for the last 5ish months and I was not really thinking about relationshippy things, let alone interested in anyone. Over the last few months, she and I have been spending more and more time together after work. It started just being dinner every couple weeks, as we would both be hungry after work and were leaving at the same time. One rainy night, I was on the way home and while waiting for the light to change, I was checking out the girl next to me. When she turned, it was the ENFJ. I laughed and said I had just been checking her out. She laughed and said, "That's good." She invited me to come out with her and her friends for a beer.

    A few weeks ago her relationship ended and the amount of time we're together has markedly changed. We spend several evenings each week together making dinner and watching movies at her place. We go hiking. We do crafts. We walk the dogs. I do my laundry at her house. She has mentioned that these are things she used to do with one of her first boyfriends; and these are fond memories. I think I am falling in love with her, but I want to give it enough time and space to develop some of the friendship bits, y'know, before I try to kiss her on the mouth.

    I'm also a little worried that relying on my Ne is making me see evidence of her interest, where there might be none. She is very nuturing to everyone around her. Much of our time together, is however, alone. I flirt with her a little, just because I can't help it. She's so darn cute. Eventually, of course, I'm going to follow the DADT policy - "Do ask and Do tell" - as I'm not at all afraid of rejection. I know each situation is a bit different, but is it possible for me to err by letting this thing ride the way it is for a couple months?

    You may never hear an INFP say this again, so take note: Please consider all advice solicited.

    Oh, and thanks!

  2. #2
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/so
    Posts
    25

    Default

    No takers, huh?

    (deep breath)

    Okay, wish me luck.

    (confidently strides into the future)

  3. #3
    Senior Member Joehobo's Avatar
    Join Date
    Dec 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    9w1 sx/sp
    Posts
    300

    Default

    I'd give you advice but you're probably more experienced than me in these matters.
    Honestly though, just see how things go you don't want to be pushy, she sounds pretty cute!
    It might just happen one night without you expecting it.
    It did for me with the ENFJ I knew aha. I did have to coax her out of her shell a little though, but more than anything she had to get me out of mine.
    She definately was more confident than I at getting what she wanted.

  4. #4
    Senior Member Neutralpov's Avatar
    Join Date
    Jun 2009
    MBTI
    EnfJ
    Enneagram
    1w2 so/sx
    Socionics
    EII
    Posts
    311

    Default

    What does your gut tell you? I have a feeling you already know her response
    Extroverted (E) 67.74% Introverted (I) 32.26%
    Intuitive (N) 51.72% Sensing (S) 48.28%
    Feeling (F) 51.61% Thinking (T) 48.39%
    Judging (J) 69.44% Perceiving (P) 30.56%

    Type 1 Perfectionism |||||||||||||||||||| 83%
    so/sx/sp

  5. #5
    Seriously Delirious Udog's Avatar
    Join Date
    Aug 2008
    MBTI
    INfp
    Enneagram
    9w1 sp/sx
    Socionics
    INFp None
    Posts
    5,295

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by thegrayvapour View Post
    Eventually, of course, I'm going to follow the DADT policy - "Do ask and Do tell" - as I'm not at all afraid of rejection. I know each situation is a bit different, but is it possible for me to err by letting this thing ride the way it is for a couple months?
    If you are definitely going to say something, I don't see any advantage in waiting. Treating her like just a friend for several months is a great way to get friend zoned, and it's very possible she'll meet someone in the mean time.

  6. #6
    011235813
    Guest

    Default

    Looks a-ok to me. Go for it.

    No personal romantic experience with an ENFJ but I've always been intrigued by the possibility and I think it could work out pretty well.

  7. #7
    Sugar Hiccup OrangeAppled's Avatar
    Join Date
    Mar 2009
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    4w5 sp/sx
    Socionics
    IEI Ni
    Posts
    7,661

    Default

    I've heard 'round these parts that when an ENFJ wants you, then you KNOW because they make sure you do. I've had some flirty friendships with ENFJs also just to discover they are that way with EVERYONE. When you spend a lot of time alone, then it's hard to note this. You need to see how she is with others to see if there's a distinction between how she treats you & them. But then, I tend to doubt my interpretations of others in romance also.... I'm afraid my interest will cloud my judgment too.

    I still think it's better to take the dive & find out for sure rather than miss an opportunity. Not risking a friendship is waaaay overrated, and true friendships can survive this stuff anyway. I wouldn't worry about the timing... 5 months is not that long for her previous relationship (probably nothing too serious that she may need awhile to get over), and many people have short time periods between relationships.
    Often a star was waiting for you to notice it. A wave rolled toward you out of the distant past, or as you walked under an open window, a violin yielded itself to your hearing. All this was mission. But could you accomplish it? (Rilke)

    INFP | 4w5 sp/sx | RLUEI - Primary Inquisitive | Tritype is tripe

  8. #8
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/so
    Posts
    25

    Default

    It was her birthday on Saturday and I gave her a present (a lamp I designed and built) the day before. She said she wanted to open it on Saturday.

    I didn't hear from her for a couple of days. We worked together on Sunday. She quickly thanked me for her birthday present and gave an unsolicited explanation for why I didn't hear from her: she left her charger at work and her phone died. She also told me about a little crush she developed on someone because of the way he pronounces a word. She then said "But it's not going to go anywhere." I've found myself wondering why she would make a disclaimer.

    I've been listening to her when she talks; holding eye contact and such. Surely she can tell by the way I look at her. I caught her looking a me a couple times throughout the day and she would quickly look away - promising, no? She also kept the store open for awhile longer than normal hours, saying I could leave if I needed to, but that she would enjoy my company. Of course, I stayed. We took her old tv to Salvation Army afterward and I invited her to go to the farmer's market after work tomorrow, where I plan on telling her how I feel.

    Sometime during work, I said she should wear the hotdog costume she owns to work one day, say on National Hotdog Day. She laughed, and said she would.

    We've texted a bit Sunday night after work:

    ENFJ: "National Hot Dog Day: July 23."
    Me: "(added to calendar)"
    ENFJ: "In the date just write, "(her name) dresses as a hot dog"
    Me: "I hope someone reads it and thinks I'm judgemental"
    ENFJ: "Hopefully"
    ENFJ: "And then later sees that I actually am dressed as a hot dog on that day"
    Me: "and think I'm a prophet, or at least very persuasive"
    ENFJ: "Haha! You could schedule certain days where I dress according to what you choose"
    Me: "Oh, you're full of great ideas.."

    O.O
    Last edited by thegrayvapour; 06-05-2012 at 03:27 AM. Reason: sleepy typing

  9. #9
    Junior Member thegrayvapour's Avatar
    Join Date
    May 2012
    MBTI
    INFP
    Enneagram
    5w4 sp/so
    Posts
    25

    Default

    Sooo.. a mutual friend has been hinting that she knows something is going on between me and the ENFJ. I mentioned that I was planning to talk to her soon and our friend told me not to. She said she didn't think I would get the answer I am hoping for: whatever that means. She said the ENFJ is overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do about it/ doesn't like to say no, etc. I completely understand this, of course.

    So my new question is: what would an ENFJ appreciate in this situation? Would most want me to talk to them and clear the air without obligating them to say how they feel or should I just gently pull back a bit and respectfully give it some space; allowing it to be a great friendship?

  10. #10
    Anew Leaf
    Guest

    Default

    Quote Originally Posted by thegrayvapour View Post
    Sooo.. a mutual friend has been hinting that she knows something is going on between me and the ENFJ. I mentioned that I was planning to talk to her soon and our friend told me not to. She said she didn't think I would get the answer I am hoping for: whatever that means. She said the ENFJ is overwhelmed and doesn't know what to do about it/ doesn't like to say no, etc. I completely understand this, of course.

    So my new question is: what would an ENFJ appreciate in this situation? Would most want me to talk to them and clear the air without obligating them to say how they feel or should I just gently pull back a bit and respectfully give it some space; allowing it to be a great friendship?
    I am sorry to hear this. It sounded quite promising to me as well.

    I think if you pull back a bit, that that should do the trick. They are pretty sensitive to the nuances of people.

    This is just my INFP advice though . Go by your gut... I, myself, always prefer being direct because that is what I enjoy most... but it is definitely not what everyone wants.

Similar Threads

  1. [ENFJ] The mom of an ENFJ has a question for other ENFJs
    By INTJMom in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 17
    Last Post: 07-02-2016, 12:08 PM
  2. [ENFJ] ISFP males in the eyes of an ENFJ females
    By floral87 in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 0
    Last Post: 09-25-2011, 04:07 AM
  3. [INFP] Why do people Hate the idea of being INFP?
    By CrystalViolet in forum The NF Idyllic (ENFP, INFP, ENFJ, INFJ)
    Replies: 95
    Last Post: 05-23-2011, 10:39 PM

Posting Permissions

  • You may not post new threads
  • You may not post replies
  • You may not post attachments
  • You may not edit your posts
Single Sign On provided by vBSSO